Lesbian Bachelorette Party!!

jcol5497 · May 2013

I have two wonderful friends getting married in a few weeks and they are having a joint bachelorette party. One partner is soft butch, the other is soft femme. I was thinking the femme friend could wear a veil with boobies on it, but not sure about the soft butch friend? Anyone have some quick advice? Party is this weekend! Thanks!

AJuliaNJ · May 2013

I think the answer is obvious here. She should wear a bow tie made of plastic boobies.

jcol5497 · May 2013

I'm thinking some crafting will be involved here. Thanks for the suggestion!

QueerFemme · May 2013

jcol5497 said:

I have two wonderful friends getting married in a few weeks and they are having a joint bachelorette party. One partner is soft butch, the other is soft femme. I was thinking the femme friend could wear a veil with boobies on it, but not sure about the soft butch friend? Anyone have some quick advice? Party is this weekend! Thanks!

Um. You might want to ask your friend. Just because they are lesbians doesn't necessarily mean they want to wear plastic breasts all night. Why not just get the femme a silly veil with a plastic princess/bride tiara (hot pink maybe?) and get the butch a plastic crown or something.

I am queer, and if my friends had shown up with plastic boobs, I would have been pretty horrfied

AJuliaNJ · May 2013

I'm pretty sure this is a troll.

AddieCake · May 2013

On an unrelated note, the "stress boobs" my husband got at his bachelor party are used by me. So just know, people, that when shit gets crazy on here, I am rolling a soft rubber boob around in my hand to calm myself.

[Deleted User] · May 2013

Assuming this is an actual question, discuss it with your friends. My friends are already fully aware that nothing anatomical is to be brought to my bachelorette or I will set fire to everyone.

[Deleted User] · May 2013

jcol5497 said:

I have two wonderful friends getting married in a few weeks and they are having a joint bachelorette party. One partner is soft butch, the other is soft femme. I was thinking the femme friend could wear a veil with boobies on it, but not sure about the soft butch friend? Anyone have some quick advice? Party is this weekend! Thanks!

Also are these descriptive terms serious? Is this something I just have not heard?

jcol5497 · May 2013

Are you all serious? Yes, this is real person. And yes, these are real terms. Check your Curve magazine for all sorts of ways lesbian women identify themselves. There is an entire spectrum of women out there. And I wanted to do something fun for them that was a surprise. You all have no sense of humor. I had to ask about my "soft butch" friend b/c I am extreme femme and not sure. I can wear a dress, heels and pearls all day long but not sure about what the butch ideal is. They are the first of my friends to have a wedding and this is a huge deal. Moving beyond the domestic partnership level brings about a lot of questions that my community hasn't had to deal with yet. AND, you should never make someone feel stupid for asking a genuine question. There is so much to learn with the movement of marriage equality that there will be more and more questions to arise like this.

brielleinlove · May 2013

jcol5497 said:

Are you all serious? Yes, this is real person. And yes, these are real terms. Check your Curve magazine for all sorts of ways lesbian women identify themselves. There is an entire spectrum of women out there. And I wanted to do something fun for them that was a surprise. You all have no sense of humor. I had to ask about my "soft butch" friend b/c I am extreme femme and not sure. I can wear a dress, heels and pearls all day long but not sure about what the butch ideal is. They are the first of my friends to have a wedding and this is a huge deal. Moving beyond the domestic partnership level brings about a lot of questions that my community hasn't had to deal with yet. AND, you should never make someone feel stupid for asking a genuine question. There is so much to learn with the movement of marriage equality that there will be more and more questions to arise like this.

But @cmgilpin has self-identified as a member of your community in this thread, and told you that you shouldn't surprise them with things like this, because they might not be comfortable wearing plastic boobs all night long. Please follow her advice. Some things don't have anything to do with the orientation of the people getting married, but everything to do with making the guests of honor feel comfortable.

[Deleted User] · May 2013

You said you asked a genuine question, I asked one in return. And gave you genuine advice: talk to them. It doesn't matter what their orientation is. Wearing something like that could make anyone uncomfortable.

AJuliaNJ · May 2013

My bad. There's a lot of joke posts on these boards so I guess I was in that mindset. My real answer is that you should consult them ahead of time. Many women would not be comfortable leaving the house wearing a veil with boobs on it. You should find out if your friends fall into this category. If they do, I stand by my original answer of a tie with boobs on it.

QueerFemme · May 2013

@lmc0322 and @andreajulia - yes, femme and butch are real terms. Soft butch, stone butch, soft femme, hard/hard femme, etc. are all real terms. I identify in my community as a Femme. My partner is butch.

I DO have a sense of humor. At my bachelorette party, my friends had "draw the penis on LL Cool J" and "Pin the bootie on Beyonce". We had fun and laughed and goofed off. But, I made it pretty clear... no fake boobs, no fake dicks, no fake furry vaginas. That is all ridiculously juvenile. My very butch partner felt the same way.

OP - unless your friends are 20 years old, I would skip the fake anatomical parts and do something else silly and goofy. I am a fan of silly and goofy.

ETA- By the way, just because someone is a lesbian/queer, doesn't mean they like boobs. I like mine, because they are fabulous, but I am not generally attracted to boobs on my partners. Most femmes I know are very similar.

Peledreamsofrain · May 2013

Lesbian =\= sex fiend. You have to find out what each person's comfort limit is before you tack iffy items on them in public, regardless of their orientation or 'butch level'.

[Deleted User] · May 2013

@lmc0322 and @andreajulia - yes, femme and butch are real terms. Soft butch, stone butch, soft femme, hard/hard femme, etc. are all real terms. I identify in my community as a Femme. My partner is butch.

Thanks for clarifying! I had heard the general terms, but not the 'soft/hard' designation.

QueerFemme · May 2013

StageManager14 said:

@cmgilpin, I've not heard "stone" before as a descriptor. I don't want to google "stone butch" because that just seems like a good way to get another call from the capitol, so can you explain that one?

Stone is typically described as a butch that doesn't want to be touched in the netherlands.

AddieCake · May 2013

Intriguing......

AJuliaNJ · May 2013

I knew what the terms were; I just thought it was a fake post because of the putting boobs on a veil part.

QueerFemme · May 2013

AddieL73 said:

Intriguing......

I only dated stone butches for a long time, because I liked being the center of attention 100% of the time, sexually. I was like, WHAT!? you are gonna do me for like 4 hours, and I don't have to do nuthin!? Oh yeah, sign me up!

Simply Fated · May 2013

I don't see the difference between a lesbian bach party and any other bach party in that you can always just ask the person or persons of honour for some ideas they might like.

Kate61487 · May 2013

I'm trying to figure out how you'd put boobs on a veil. I initially was picturing a bra on the top of your head type deal. Would they be tiny charms? attached to the headband/clip portion or the flowy part? I don't understand.

As PPs have said this really isn't an issue of gay/straight, butch/femme. It's a question of whether your friends are comfortable with boob paraphernalia. I have had friends rock the penis necklace / straws / whistles / etc. and friends who would have been mortified by it. If you're confident they'd both have fun with it I'd just see what party stores have. I don't think mardi-gras style beads are necessarily butch or femme so they could both do that. a non-vulgar veil and bowtie or top hat would be fun bride identifiers even if they don't want boobs on them

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