So, my MOH is (obvs) one of my dearest friends. She has a complicated relationship with her SO. I've mentioned it before, but basically they're off and on, breaking up, getting back together, ending their engagement but continuing to date exclusively, setting and then cancelling a wedding date but still being engaged, etc. Whatever. None of that is my problem, my business, or my concern.
Her SO is difficult. He's not well-liked by a lot of people (me included). He grew up poor and has a huge chip on his shoulder against anyone who didn't grow up in a trailer with no electricity. He's super-liberal, believes the government should give welfare and handouts to people without asking any questions, but doesn't believe churches should be in the business of social ministry. He's one of those blowhards who has opinions and is more than welcome to tell you what they are, whether you asked or not. He's also socially awkward -- he'll bring up his opinions (most of which are uninformed; he's the left-wing equivalent of a right-wing nutjob) at the most inappropriate times, making everyone uncomfortable.
By and large, this hasn't affected my friendship with my MOH. Because of our jobs (she, her SO, FI and I are all in journalism), we have flexibility in our schedules, so she and I have lunch dates or mid-afternoon coffee dates without the guys. But she's been pushing me to have a lunch/drinks date while her SO and FI go golfing. FI is dead-set against it. He golfed with this guy last summer and was just so put-off by his attitude and opinions and commentary he refuses to do it again. I keep kind of bean-dipping her and saying, 'Well, we can have lunch, but have your SO ask FI if he's free and wants to golf. Let the guys plan their outings themselves.'
She confided to me the other day that a lot of her 'couple friends' are pulling away. She said that many of her long-time couple friends are turning down dinner invitations, not wanting to get together for drinks, etc. She's hurt by it. I know that the reason is her SO -- he has managed to alienate or offend everyone in our social circle at least once, sometimes several times. (As an example, when FI and I started dating, he said to FI, 'So is she wild and crazy in bed? Catholic girls are always the best to fuck.' And this man used to be our supervisor.)
FI and I had a small party the other weekend, and as we were issuing invites, people were asking, 'Are MOH and SO going to be there?' I said MOH was, but SO had to work (which was one of the reasons we picked that day for the party, not that we told anyone that).
So the question is...WWYD, O Wise Knotties? Would you tell her, 'Sweetie, I love you, but your SO is the reason people are pulling away. We're sick of being offended by him.' Part of me says no, because it's not my concern, my business, my place. But part of me says yes, because if FI were being obnoxious like that, I'd want someone to tell me so I could talk to him about it. But then part of me says no, because I know she has tried to talk to him about his behavior and he just brushes it off, saying 'It's a free country and I can say anything I want. It's not my fault if people get offended.' But then part of me says yes, because they're about to move in together and that's going to contract her social circle even more -- I know I won't go to her/their house (she owns it, he's moving in) if he's going to be there.
Thoughts?
I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'