Bridesmaid dress stress

tmeyer621 · December 2011

So, one of my girls lives out of state and couldn’t come with us to pick out dresses. We picked one that I thought would look great on all sizes and shapes. Everyone liked the dress and placed the order. Meanwhile, my girl out of state went in to try the dress on and hates it. If I could go back in time, I might have let everyone pick a different dress. However, that isn’t an option now. Do I let her pick a different dress? On a side note, my MOH found out she was pregnant and had to pick a different dress to accommodate her will be 7 months pregnant belly. Which is fine, she’s pregnant and she’s my MOH, so I think it’s just fine to have her in a different dress. If the out of state bridesmaid picks a different dress, then I’d have four girls in one dress, my MOH in a maternity dress, and this girl in a different dress. I don’t know what to do! I’d prefer her to wear the dress I picked, but I feel guilty making her purchase a dress she hates and I want her to be comfortable.

SilverLining1 · December 2011

Hmm. That's tough, because the other girls might see it as unfair since they all agreed on one dress. If your other girls would be mad about it (I don't think they should be, they liked it, right?) then maybe she should get the original dress. If not, I'd just let her pick something in the same color and similar style that she feels more comfortable in.

dumdumfroggie · December 2011

I agree with Edie. Find out what she doesn't like about it and then see if it can be altered in small ways, first.

tmeyer621 · December 2011

Well, I think it can be altered. She said it's way too big in the chest and waist, but tighter in her butt. Which is weird, because she is a D cup and size 2. I think it would be perfect after it's taken in and maybe shortened, but I don't think she sees that. She also said she prefers more flowy dresses and this is more form fitting than she'd prefer (It's not that form fitting). In fact, I'm wearing it for a wedding I'm in and I love it. She keeps saying, I'm not going to lie, I don't like it at all, but it's your day. Which makes me feel like crap.....

this is the dress

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Satin-One-Shoulder-Dress-with-Ruched-Waist-84333

dumdumfroggie · December 2011

If she's thinking it's too tight on the butt, maybe she needs to get a bigger size and then taken in in the areas it needs to be.

I'm sorry she's making you feel bad.

maribeth721 · December 2011

I am wearing this same exact dress for a wedding I am a BM in next year. Dresses with straps don't usually need to be altered. But it sounds like what she needs is to just have it altered a little bit. I think it would be fine. I found this dress to be very flattering, so not sure why she is saying that. Is she just really critical of herself in general? Some girls just think they look bad in everything, you know?

Allowing her to pick a different dress is sort of unfair to the other girls and may look a little mismatched with everyone all standing together (especially if MOH will be wearing a different dress). And realistically, she has to purchase the dress whether she hates it or not. It's your wedding and she agreed to be in it and by agreeing to that, she agreed to buy a dress regardless.

andrea2473 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-dress-stress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3e129481-abc5-459e-84cf-2a9baa0569bfPost:913f20a9-303d-4e89-bdd8-1a39536d019e">Re: Bridesmaid dress stress</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I think it can be altered. She said it's way too big in the chest and waist, but tighter in her butt. Which is weird, because she is a D cup and size 2. I think it would be perfect after it's taken in and maybe shortened, but I don't think she sees that. She also said she prefers more flowy dresses and this is more form fitting than she'd prefer (It's not that form fitting). In fact, I'm wearing it for a wedding I'm in and I love it. She keeps saying, I'm not going to lie, I don't like it at all, but it's your day. Which makes me feel like crap..... this is the dress <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Satin-One-Shoulder-Dress-with-Ruched-Waist-84333">http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Satin-One-Shoulder-Dress-with-Ruched-Waist-84333</a>
Posted by tmeyer621[/QUOTE]

This might be an unpopular opinion, but I vote to tell her to just get it and alter it. I have worn a couple of really heinous, unflattering dresses as a bridesmaid and I didn't breathe a word about it to the bride. For the most part, I expect to pay for them, wear them once and I don't really care if I like it. This one doesn't look even bad for the proportions you are describing. Unfortunately she couldn't go dress shopping, but everyone else likes it so she just might have to suck it up.

EDIT: She can always bring something to change into after dinner if she wants to be more comfortable.

tmeyer621 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-dress-stress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3e129481-abc5-459e-84cf-2a9baa0569bfPost:11e9d22a-8123-4beb-9240-b36d844b13a6">Re: Bridesmaid dress stress</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid dress stress : This might be an unpopular opinion, but I vote to tell her to just get it and alter it. <strong> I have worn a couple of really heinous, unflattering dresses as a bridesmaid and I didn't breathe a word about it to the bride.</strong> For the most part, I expect to pay for them, wear them once and I don't really care if I like it. This one doesn't look even bad for the proportions you are describing. Unfortunately she couldn't go dress shopping, but everyone else likes it so she just might have to suck it up.
Posted by andrea2473[/QUOTE]

Me too. and I'm so glad I never said anything. Especially since now, I know how awful it makes the bride feel! Not that I think she is intentionally being mean, she's one of my best friends which of course, is why I feel terrible. the dress really needs to be ordered today and I 'm just sick with indecisiveness!

MyUserName1 · December 2011

I think it depends on what she hates about it.

If she just hates long dresses and wanted a short one, she needs to suck it up, sunshine.

If it accentuates a flaw that makes her uncomfortable, hopefully the dress can be altered in a way that will make her more comfortable. She could wear a shawl, or add straps, or put in a modesty panel if its too low cut, things like that.

ETA: refresh before posting, dummy. Vicodin affect my brain.

She needs to get it in a larger size to fit her butt and have it altered up top.

This is a suck it up, sunshine case IMHO.

andrea2473 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-dress-stress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3e129481-abc5-459e-84cf-2a9baa0569bfPost:9c2abfc5-94e3-4f66-a11c-8386ae476c62">Re: Bridesmaid dress stress</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid dress stress : Me too. and I'm so glad I never said anything. Especially since now, I know how awful it makes the bride feel! Not that I think she is intentionally being mean, she's one of my best friends which of course, is why I feel terrible. the dress really needs to be ordered today and I 'm just sick with indecisiveness!
Posted by tmeyer621[/QUOTE]

Well, it's not like you didn't try to get as many opinions as possible about the dress. I don't usually care about symmetry, but 2 different dresses would look a little off. Plus you risk offending your other bridesmaids because their choice wasn't good enough for her. One of my BMs kind of hinted about the dress I chose not being flattering, but I just let it go. In the end, everyone looked great.

EDIT: Are my posts aligned in the center for everyone else to see? I hit the align left button to fix it, but it always looks like it's on the left until it posts. Is TK being wonky for anyone else?

rebarobert2012 · December 2011

It's hard to pick a style of dress that everyone agrees on. In this case, I think that she should just suck it up and get it altered to fit better. I think it's kind of rude when bridesmaids tell the bride that they hate the dress. I can't imagine telling a bride that I didn't like my dress or wouldn't wear it.

andrea2473 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-dress-stress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3e129481-abc5-459e-84cf-2a9baa0569bfPost:c925c51e-338b-4be5-922f-9de54187a2fc">Re: Bridesmaid dress stress</a>:
[QUOTE]Now my posts are centered. Weird. ETA: Maybe someone forgot to close a center tag in their sig?
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

Haha. Not for me!

July2012bride · December 2011

It sounds to me like she needs to try on a bigger size and then get it altered to fit the rest of her body. I don't think I've ever worn a formal dress off the rack that didn't need some altering (I'm a bit pear shaped with athletic thighs and smaller chested). I almost always have to go a size up and get the bust tailored to fit, unless the bottom is a-line.

She may be getting caught up in the number on the dress and doesn't want to go up another size. I've felt this way before and have purchased more flowy dresses because of it (when going to a wedding, but not in a bridal party). I would never tell the bride this though if I was in a wedding in which a non a-line dress was chosen. I would suck it up and go up a size so that it fits properly in my rump and thighs. A good seamstress can do wonders to make dresses look good on your body as long as they have enough fabric in the areas you are self-conscious about..

I've also had to wear dresses I thought looked awful the first time I tried them on, but with good tailoring actually didn't look horrendous. The color may not have been good for my skin tone, but at least the fit looked nice.

froggatt.clare · December 2011

As someone who's on the petite side with a larger bust, I can tell you that one-shoulder dresses don't work on everyone. I don't wear them because I think they make my boobs look lopsided.

That being said, she wasn't the most conscientious of 'maids when she told you she didn't like it, and she may have a good enough strapless bra that can support her all night, with detachable straps so she can hide one strap under the one shoulder.

I agree with PPs, I think she should suck it up and get it altered. All bridesmaids have to do is wear the dress and show up clean and sober. Its one dress, one night of her life.

Meegles4 · December 2011

I'm nearly a D cup and a size 2. While I really dig that dress, I wonder if it's the one-shoulder thing that she doesn't like? Sometimes that can really look and feel weird, especially if you're larger busted. If it really was just to big in some parts and tight in others and not about the style of the dress, she should be able to alter it just fine.

OliveOilsMom · December 2011

As long as if the dress was in her agree upon budget, you need to just have her buy it. She would have had a say in the dress if she was able to go dress shopping with you all. The dress was chosen by consensus, so she needs to just suck it up because majority rules. Tell her to get the next size up (this is normal for most formal dresses) and get a good seamstress to alter it. Even if I don't like the dress a bride has picked out for me as a BM in the past, after the altering, I always at least feel good in it because it's properly fitted. And I also never told the bride I didn't like the dress! I just said ok, where do I buy it at?

tmeyer621 · December 2011

I'm nearly a D cup and a size 2. While I really dig that dress, I wonder if it's the one-shoulder thing that she doesn't like? Sometimes that can really look and feel weird, especially if you're larger busted. If it really was just to big in some parts and tight in others and not about the style of the dress, she should be able to alter it just fine.

I'm a D and a 4 and it fit great on me. May have to be taken in at the waist some, but my waist usually measures a 2 or 0 so that's normal for me. I wonder if she really doesn't like non flowy dresses. I wish they would have measured her when she went in, but they didn't. Just gave her a 2 and that was that. It's impossible to get her back in, she's so busy. Especially when the dress needs ordered now. DB says if I don't order now, they won't guarantee it will be in in time with Christmas coming up. Thanks for the advice everyone, I think I'll just have her get a 4 and cross my fingers she's happy at the end of the day.

andrea2473 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-dress-stress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3e129481-abc5-459e-84cf-2a9baa0569bfPost:6a5fe403-88d8-4531-a4aa-3ae50beb04f5">Re: Bridesmaid dress stress</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm nearly a D cup and a size 2. While I really dig that dress, I wonder if it's the one-shoulder thing that she doesn't like? Sometimes that can really look and feel weird, especially if you're larger busted. If it really was just to big in some parts and tight in others and not about the style of the dress, she should be able to alter it just fine. I'm a D and a 4 and it fit great on me. May have to be taken in at the waist some, but my waist usually measures a 2 or 0 so that's normal for me. I wonder if she really doesn't like non flowy dresses. I wish they would have measured her when she went in, but they didn't. Just gave her a 2 and that was that. It's impossible to get her back in, she's so busy. Especially when the dress needs ordered now. DB says if I don't order now, they won't guarantee it will be in in time with Christmas coming up. Thanks for the advice everyone, I think I'll just have her get a 4 and cross my fingers she's happy at the end of the day.
Posted by tmeyer621[/QUOTE]

DB tends to overquote time frames in order to make a sale. You have 5 months until your wedding? That is plenty of time including the time it will take for alterations. However, I don't think that changes too much about her problem. It's a busy season for everyone so it's doubtful you'll be able to get her back in there for a fitting if she's already so resistant. I vote for a size 4 since it already has to be altered anyway.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2011

Honestly, it's nice to take everyone's style and whatnot into consideration, but in the end, it's your wedding, if you want your BMs in the same dress, that's what's it is. There are very few times you can pull the "but it's MY day" card, but really, you have the final say. Apparently 5 of your 6 girls liked this dress. I think it's fine for the MOH to have a different dress, but this isn't a "normal" cocktail dress that she can match with a slightly different style (like straps vs. no straps). The one-shoulder thing and silhouette, which she seems not to like, are really what make the dress. So even something the same length wouldn't necessarily "go."

I admit, I wanted my girls to wear the same dress, because I like that look better. I did pay for their dresses, so I felt good about basically having the final say (though I only had 2 BMs and they also liked the dress). She's told you, "well, I don't like it, but it's you wedding..." which sounds passive-agressive, but if she says it again, I'd say, "yes, and that decision has been made, we can't choose a different dress since they've been ordered." Offer to let her change into something else after the ceremony.

chumlee7478 · December 2011

I just wore that dress in a wedding, and I loved it. I was a little hesitant at first (I'm smaller on top and have a curvier bottom), but once I tailored it, I loved how it looked (it was the bright blue color,and it was very pretty). One of the girls in the WP didn't like it at all, she said it made her look busty and have a huge butt. I didn't see what she was complaining about, but to each their own.

I'd let her know that the dresses have been ordered, and it's too late to change it. She can get it tailored away from David's Bridal (I did...I didn't like their tailoring department, so I took it to my tailor, and he made me basically a custom version of that dress. I felt like a million bucks in it). Fit is everything with any outfit, so maybe she'd be more comfortable with her own tailor and her own custom fit for the dress?

Maybe let her know (and the rest of the girls know) that they can change after dinner and pics have been done? Good luck!

SirJuliusVonHaast · December 2011

I suspect that DB purposely makes dresses that don't fit quite right, so that you have to pay for their alteration service.

ETA: I think she should just buy this dress in a larger size and have it altered.

sharp0099 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-dress-stress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3e129481-abc5-459e-84cf-2a9baa0569bfPost:11e9d22a-8123-4beb-9240-b36d844b13a6">Re: Bridesmaid dress stress</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid dress stress : This might be an unpopular opinion, but I vote to tell her to just get it and alter it. I have worn a couple of really heinous, unflattering dresses as a bridesmaid and I didn't breathe a word about it to the bride. For the most part, I expect to pay for them, wear them once and I don't really care if I like it. This one doesn't look even bad for the proportions you are describing. Unfortunately she couldn't go dress shopping, but everyone else likes it so she just might have to suck it up. EDIT: She can always bring something to change into after dinner if she wants to be more comfortable.
Posted by andrea2473[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. You and the BMs picked a great dress. With her proportions you described the dress will look good on her if she gets a larger size to fit her largest area and then gets it altered.

mari0225 · December 2011

I agree about getting a bigger size and having it taken in a little. I think that dress is really cute!

mari0225 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-dress-stress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3e129481-abc5-459e-84cf-2a9baa0569bfPost:e13672dd-0268-4ea9-a30b-0d93c8223957">Re: Bridesmaid dress stress</a>:
[QUOTE]I suspect that DB purposely makes dresses that don't fit quite right, so that you have to pay for their alteration service. ETA: I think she should just buy this dress in a larger size and have it altered.
Posted by SirJuliusVonHaast[/QUOTE]

I think they do as well! The dresses that I have gotten from there have never fit perfectly! Thankfully I know a great seamstress so I have never had the dresses altered at DB.

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