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South Asian Weddings

B&M Tuesday

I'll go, I have tests, labs, lectures, and finals in the next 3.5 weeks. I'm sick AGAIN with a horrible sinus and cold. I sound very manly when I talk so I avoid talking. I am soooo over studying and I've diagnosed myself with ADD. 

Re: B&M Tuesday

  • edited December 2011
    Thanks for starting this! Sorry you are sick!

    My mom wants 12 more invites!! What the crap?
  • edited December 2011
    Sorry that you are sick! Hope you feel better!

    12 more invites? Is this for individuals or familes :S :S!!

    I've got deadlines this week, and they all need to be done by Friday, I don't want to work on a holiday, please oh multitasking goddess out there help me!

    "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." ~ Miss K ~
  • edited December 2011

    Feel better soon!

    I'm glad we're not being asked for more invitations anyone!

    Annoyed because we've received 8 RSVPs (out of ~160 out), and the invitations have been out for 2 weeks!! We have received verbal acceptances, but why can't people turn in a RSVP!?

    I'm also feeling crappy about the wedding. Out of the people I invited, 10 people are coming
    (not including my mom and sister). It makes me feel really crappy that out of the 125-150 expected, that at this point, only 10 people are coming from my side AND my friends out number my relatives. I knew when I agreed to marry in Houston, my guest count would be down, but I wasn't expecting such low numbers. Three of the people I really honestly thought would come, were the first three to RSVP... and decline.

    Frown

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  • temurlangtemurlang member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_south-asian-weddings_bm-tuesday-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:430Discussion:054e6ab9-cd31-4c35-9aef-9fe53edde87aPost:07b08b7b-a681-4d5e-8614-dae073ed73af">Re: B&M Tuesday</a>:
    [QUOTE]Feel better soon! I'm glad we're not being asked for more invitations anyone! Annoyed because we've received 8 RSVPs (out of ~160 out), and the invitations have been out for 2 weeks!! We have received verbal acceptances, but why can't people turn in a RSVP!? <font color="#0000ff">I'm also feeling crappy about the wedding. Out of the people I invited, 10 people are coming (not including my mom and sister) . It makes me feel really crappy that out of the 125-150 expected, that at this point, only 10 people are coming from my side AND my friends out number my relatives. I knew when I agreed to marry in Houston, my guest count would be down, but I wasn't expecting such low numbers. Three of the people I really honestly thought would come, were the first three to RSVP... and decline</font>.
    Posted by AquarianDragon[/QUOTE]

    People suck at RSVPing.  This is a C/P from my month board, my wedding was November 6th, and I think this was written at least half way through October:

    <span> </span><span style="font-size:11pt;line-height:115%;font-family:'Calibri','sans-serif';">Oh, where do I start...

    We found out who "Myself" is.  He was soooo confused when FI called to ask for his RSVP.  I guess he thought he's the only "self" invited.

    A relative who declined for 1 adult child and accepted for the other 2.  Then we received a decline from one of the kids.  He cannot come because "it's too hard."  He's local.

    My mom's friend who cannot drive all the way at night.  I understand that because she's about 40 miles away.  However, she is now coming because she is going to drive to my parents house and go with them... they live about 4 miles from the ceremony, so she still has to drive 36 miles?

    My aunt and uncle who accepted and then declined.

    An RSVP marked "Four" with no visible postmark.

    A totally blank one.

    14 local people who are still "not sure" if they are coming.

    6 people who need plane tickets to get here and are not yet sure if they are coming.  At least one has purchased the ticket and still doesn't know.

    3 people called FI to complain that the date is the same as Diwali (Hindu holiday) and that we should change it and they can't come.  All of them are coming.

    A couple RSVPed with their kids.  Then they asked me to hire a babysitter.

    3 people called to RSVP that they're coming.  None of them were invited.  None of them are local.

    We haven't heard at all from 23 people... our deadline was Oct. 5th!</span>

    About felling crappy about having fewer people come, I was totally in your same position in many ways.  Although I grew up here, I went to school in a different area, so a lot of my friends aren't local.  4 couples couldn't come because they were too close to their due date to travel, two of my friends didn't get visas to come to the US, and 3 lost their jobs and couldn't afford to travel.  On the other hand, DH has mostly local friends and his friends are older and more securely established, and thus can travel and aren't pregnant.

    Actually, I'm still kinda irked by the fact that DH wanted to have his friends, and we had receptions in 4 different places to accomplish that, and my mother made sure her friends were there, but I had to insist that I even get people invited.  DH only wanted a wedding in India, which would mean my best friend and most of my relatives wouldn't be able to come.  He still doesn't see anything wrong with that!

    Plus side:  the guestlist and invitations are probably the worst part of the wedding planning process, and once you get the RSVPs it won't feel so bad.  It will probably even out quite a bit, and the shock from finding out a loved one won't attend lessens.
  • edited December 2011
    Maybe to be nice, a courtesy reminder, to those 23 people?  Via email, or by phone?

    "Hi there, we are now coming up on our deadline (maybe past), and this is seriously your last chance to be included as a guest in our wedding.  If we don't hear any sort of reply, we will put you down as not attending... We really wanted you and your family to be there to bless us, have a good time, and meet family that you haven't seen in a while..."

    Who knows really... but seriously, haven't rsvped since the deadline in October??? That's bizarre... I wish etiquette would be like common sense, we too had so many problems, so many extra unnecessary phone calls... It's a yes or no question.  Are you coming or not? 


    "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." ~ Miss K ~
  • temurlangtemurlang member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_south-asian-weddings_bm-tuesday-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:430Discussion:054e6ab9-cd31-4c35-9aef-9fe53edde87aPost:f8d70040-29c3-4671-9acf-37ec00c60f86">Re: B&M Tuesday</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maybe to be nice, a courtesy reminder, to those 23 people?  Via email, or by phone? "Hi there, we are now coming up on our deadline (maybe past), and this is seriously your last chance to be included as a guest in our wedding.  If we don't hear any sort of reply, we will put you down as not attending... We really wanted you and your family to be there to bless us, have a good time, and meet family that you haven't seen in a while..." Who knows really... but seriously, haven't rsvped since the deadline in October??? That's bizarre... I wish etiquette would be like common sense, we too had so many problems, so many extra unnecessary phone calls... It's a yes or no question.  Are you coming or not? 
    Posted by kpwedkk[/QUOTE]

    Oh no, my wedding was in November, and our RSVP was about 4 weeks before hand...  because I knew I would need 3 weeks for phoning before our headcount was due.  Aquarian still has time.  But tracking down most of your guestlist seems to be the usual experience.
  • edited December 2011
    Yep, we have time. We purposely made the RSVP date 6 weeks away from the wedding because we know we're going to have to call people. We have a few people who really, really want to come to our wedding, but can't RSVP just yet.... at least they've told us and their reasons to hold out are valid.

    I'm not expecting our guests to even out.... Most of my verbals are declines. Meanwhile, FI's verbals have been predominately acceptances.

    FI has suggested we do a Arizona reception for our 1st anniversary for my friends and family that don't join us in Texas. If people I've invited don't take a few moments to at least acknowledge they received their invitation, why should we plan for a reception for their benefit? I think I'd rather spend the energy planning and money on us to go on a 1st anniverary vacation. Maybe I'm just being a brat, but that's how I feel.
     
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  • temurlangtemurlang member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_south-asian-weddings_bm-tuesday-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:430Discussion:054e6ab9-cd31-4c35-9aef-9fe53edde87aPost:70922436-4f04-4ae2-8b7a-57c8a85db7f8">Re: B&M Tuesday</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yep, we have time. We purposely made the RSVP date 6 weeks away from the wedding because we know we're going to have to call people. We have a few people who really, really want to come to our wedding, but can't RSVP just yet.... at least they've told us and their reasons to hold out are valid. I'm not expecting our guests to even out.... Most of my verbals are declines. Meanwhile, FI's verbals have been predominately acceptances. <font color="#0000ff">FI has suggested we do a Arizona reception for our 1st anniversary for my friends and family that don't join us in Texas. If people I've invited don't take a few moments to at least acknowledge they received their invitation, why should we plan for a reception for their benefit? I think I'd rather spend the energy planning and money on us to go on a 1st anniverary vacation. Maybe I'm just being a brat, but that's how I feel.</font>  
    Posted by AquarianDragon[/QUOTE]

    Hmm... they still may even out a little.  Some of the verbal yeses may decline later.  People sometimes say yes because they want to go, but they haven't actually made sure they don't have another wedding that weekend or they haven't worked out the cost of travel, etc.

    Only throw the Arizona reception if you really want another party.  We had multiple receptions in different places and IMO it was totally out of hand.  Initially, DH pushed to have the wedding only in India, but that would mean that my closest friends couldn't come, so I said no.  My relatives live mostly out of state.  Some came to the wedding here and some didn't.  C'est la vie!  DH and my ILs had the attitude that every person must be accommodated.  We had a reception in Kolkata and another in their village 3 hours away, because people were complaining about traveling 3 hours.  I think that's ridiculous.  Your job is to throw the party in honor of your marriage, not go on tour so every single solitary soul your parents know can eat at your expense.
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