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Is it okay to...

starlite21lstarlite21l member
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in Not Engaged Yet

So bf and I have recently started to shop for e-rings.  We discussed a price range and I found a beautiful ring the other day but the diamond we were looking at was a bit smaller than I would like.  The ring is on the lower side of our price range.  As you would expect we are incredibly open about everything and are pretty much making this a team effort.  I kind of feel like since this is a long term investment that we are making into a piece of jewelry that if I want something a bit bigger (but still within our price range) I should be able to at least look at the prices.  I just want to see the options but if he isn't comfortable with it or they aren't reasonably priced I totally understand.  Do you think it is okay to approach the subject with him?

I obviously am looking at the ring as more than an investment but I just want to make sure we are both happy but comfortable at the same time with such a large purchase.

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Re: Is it okay to...

  • buddysmom80buddysmom80 member
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    My family was in the jewelry business and always pushed quality (cut, color, clarity) over quantity (carat). If I were you and knew my price range I would go to a local jeweler who followed the same kind of philosophy. They'll even show you examples (ie: d vs h color, if vs si, etc) you'll see the difference through a loupe. Also if you loved the ring that's on the low end of your price range then go for it! Good luck!

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  • Peaseblossom55Peaseblossom55 mod
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    I completely agree with Buddy go for the best color, clarity ect, versus carat size.

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  • starlite21lstarlite21l member
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    Thanks ladies!!!

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  • leia1979leia1979 member
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    edited May 2013
    Could you possibly buy the setting and diamond separately? That would allow you to get what you want. Absolutely talk with him and have an open discussion.

    Also, maybe this is just me, but I don't understand why people call engagement rings an investment. That implies you plan to sell it at a profit at some point in the future. You want something nice because you hope to wear it for the next 60 years...maybe even pass it on if you plan to have children. Those are great reasons to get what you want, but it isn't an investment. Sorry, it's just a pet peeve of mine.

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  • starlite21lstarlite21l member
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    We are actually looking at buying them separate that's why I was curious. 

    You are correct I don't mean an actual investment.  I mean I want to make sure we both get something that year and years later we are both happy with.  I just think if we are going to buy it we should make sure it is perfect rather than looking back and questioning why we didn't do something a bit bigger. better color, etc. since we were worried about the few extra dollars at the time.  When in reality it's something we will have forever and as you said possibly pass down.

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  • annmarie714annmarie714 member
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    Shop local.  I cannot emphasize this enough.  A ring with lower quality diamonds, same carat size, and similar setting (solitaire) is $1500 more at a chain store than at a local jeweler.  You get more for your money at a local jeweler.
    Where there is love, there is life.-Ghandi
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  • CrazyCatLady3CrazyCatLady3 member
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    edited May 2013
    Since BF and I just ring shopped, I will chime in and go against the grain a little here.  First, I think it's totally fine to tell your BF you would like the look of a slightly larger center diamond.

    Second, I don't necessarily think you should go higher on color, clarity etc. than size, if larger size is what you like.  I wanted the largest size diamond we could get in our budget that LOOKED totally clear/not included and LOOKED white.  We ended up getting and SI1 diamond, J color.  However, since it is cut well (excellent cut), it faces up totally white (when you get a round brilliant, it sparkles more, reflects light, and will not look yellow even at lower colors) and is totally eye clean.  I.e. you can only see the tiny inclusions under a microscope.  Why should you pay thousands more for a VVS1 for example over an eye clean SI1, when you can only see the difference under a magnifier?  I told my BF I did not plan on carrying around a microscope to look at my ring.  We also walked through the NYC diamond district and looked at the different color stones next to each other, and the color variations are almost imperceptible on round brilliant stones.  So, if you care more around how the stone looks as opposed to what your certificate says, I think you can go down in clarity to an eye clean VS2/SI1, and down in color to an I/J (I've even seen white looking Ks) and get a really great looking stone in a larger size.  Google diamond color comparisons and you can see youtube videos demonstrating this.

    As far as where to buy, def stay away from chain stores.  Local jewelers are better, and that's where we picked out my setting (I wanted to be able to try on different ones), but we bought our diamond from a reputable online site.  (Whiteflash--other good ones are James Allen, Brian Gavin and Adiamor).  They have significantly less overhead than any physical store and will get you the best bang for your buck.  They also have return policies in case you don't like the look of the stone when you receive it.  

    Edited for clarity.
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  • starlite21lstarlite21l member
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    o0o that is great advice!  I'm going to look them up!  Thanks so much!!

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  • CrazyCatLady3CrazyCatLady3 member
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    Here's an example of one of the diamond comparison videos:



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  • SwazzleSwazzle member
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    I'm in the minority. I knew that I wanted a bigger stone but that I'd have to "sacrifice" clarity and/or color and I was totally fine with that. I wanted a 1ct and didn't mind if there were inclusions or whatever that you could only see under some hi-tech microscope. You should discuss your feelings and what you want with your BF and come to a conclusion that you're both comfortable with. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting a larger carat rather than a better clarity/color.



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  • motoLynmotoLyn member
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    In the end, weigh your options and go with the ONE you and your BF are comfortable with.  My husband wanted quality in the diamond and I wanted some size, we compromised and I love my freaking rock, I sing it to sleep at night. 

    Motolyn's House Remodel Blog Starting anew Nov. 2012.

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  • Peaseblossom55Peaseblossom55 mod
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    I told FI to stay under a certain price range.  I said I wanted 14k white gold and either round or cushion.  I was hoping for 3/4 of a carat.  I got almost a 1 carat diamond of much higher quality than I expected.  I'd preferred quality over size, but I don't think there is wrong with preferring one over the other.  He surprised me with what he did we didn't go ring shopping together so I didn't get to compare in person. I trusted him to do what he wanted and my ring is beautiful.

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  • leia1979leia1979 member
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    edited May 2013
    I think RDR and Lyn make good points. It's all about getting something you like in your budget.

    I never cared much for a diamond, but something really hit me when a guy in a store brought out this itty bitty chunk of nothing that cost $4,000. I just went NOPE and chose a $200 simulant in a fancy setting. My ring is both pretty and economical.

    I am a cheap bastard, and I like it that way.

    ETA: Whatever you get, please insure it. Even my $2,000 ring is insured. My husband's $400 ring was stolen, and insurance should cover most of the replacement cost.

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  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
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    leia1979 said:

    I think RDR and Lyn make good points. It's all about getting something you like in your budget.

    I never cared much for a diamond, but something really hit me when a guy in a store brought out this itty bitty chunk of nothing that cost $4,000. I just went NOPE and chose a $200 simulant in a fancy setting. My ring is both pretty and economical.

    I am a cheap bastard, and I like it that way.

    ETA: Whatever you get, please insure it. Even my $2,000 ring is insured. My husband's $400 ring was stolen, and insurance should cover most of the replacement cost.

    I'm with Leia. I just couldn't stomach the price of a diamond (or the social and environmental implications) so I opted for a man-made stone instead. It let me get the size I wanted (huge) without compromising on cut, clarity, or our financial well-being.
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  • doubleSS07doubleSS07 member
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    I was pretty much in the same boat as RDR in that I knew I wanted a certain size range and after some looking around knew that I could get what I wanted and still be in our price range if I went a little lower in the other C's.  I chose to go lower in clarity vs. color because color was also important to me.  I have an SI2 with 1 inclusion but it's white so you can't see anything without a loop.  I've had 3 different jewelers tell me I have a beautiful stone.  So like PP said shop around, determine what is most important to you and compare stones.  I definitely wouldn't be afraid to bring it up especially if you are shopping together. 


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