Themed groomsmen and bridesmaids gifts? Help?

terratucker · May 2013

My hubby and I are having a wedding redo. We didn't really have a wedding the 1st time so we're doing it over for our 5 yr anniversary. Since its a redo we're paying for the bridal party's attire, but still want to get them gifts. We're doing a Peter Pan theme. Our groomsmen will be 18 to 27 and our bridesmaids are 16 to 25.

We want something fun but not cheesy or boring...Any gift ideas? Help?

brielleinlove · May 2013

You aren't having a wedding - your wedding was five years ago. What you are having is a vow renewal. With a vow renewal, it is not appropriate to have a big poofy white dress, a bridal party, a cake cutting, spotlight dances, or any of those wedding traditions. Without a wedding party, you don't need to worry about wedding party gifts.

You can have an absolutely lovely vow renewal with an awesome party afterwards (including dinner, toasts to your marriage, and dancing with your friends), but you cannot have a "wedding redo" without coming off as rude/attention-seeking at best... and rude/gift-seeking at worst.

[Deleted User] · May 2013

The user and all related content has been deleted.

msuprincess04 · May 2013

Are you sure your BM and GM wants Peter Pan stuff? It'd make more sense to get them something they want over something you want to give them.

itzMS · May 2013

Do you honestly think an 18-27 year old guy would want something with Peter Pan on it?

I know a lot of ladies dig fairy tales and Disney--so I won't go there--even though I personally would never use a Peter Pan item.

Though obviously the bigger problem is that you think you're entitled to a bridal party when you're a wife now...not a bride.

AddieCake · May 2013

I don't even know where to begin.

You shouldn't be having a redo. If you have a vow renewal, that's swell, but having a bridal party is a little much, especially for a 5 year anniversary. I could get behind a bigger shindig for, say, 50 years, but 5 doesn't scream big blow out to me.

Peter Pan theme? For your wedding? Peter Pan gifts for your adult friends?

Oy vey. Have I been drinking again?

Viczaesar · May 2013

terratucker said:

My hubby and I are having a wedding redo. We didn't really have a wedding the 1st time so we're doing it over for our 5 yr anniversary. Since its a redo we're paying for the bridal party's attire, but still want to get them gifts. We're doing a Peter Pan theme. Our groomsmen will be 18 to 27 and our bridesmaids are 16 to 25.
We want something fun but not cheesy or boring...Any gift ideas? Help?

You did have a wedding. It was when you got married. You can't have a wedding re-do unless you got divorced in between ceremonies, but you can have a vow renewal. You should not have a wedding party for a vow renewal.

Viczaesar · May 2013

Double post

Viczaesar · May 2013

Addie, how come you're not sharing the booze? Help a girl out here.

AddieCake · May 2013

Viczaesar said:

Addie, how come you're not sharing the booze? Help a girl out here.

QueerFemme · May 2013

Vow renewals don't have wedding parties. And having a vow renewal at a 5 year anniversary is a little ridiculous. And giving your wedding party, who shouldn't exist in the first place for a vow renewal something peter pan related is off the charts ridiculous.

Peledreamsofrain · May 2013

Post removed due to GBCK

[Deleted User] · May 2013

rajahmd · May 2013

terratucker said:

My hubby and I are having a wedding redo. We didn't really have a wedding the 1st time so we're doing it over for our 5 yr anniversary. Since its a redo we're paying for the bridal party's attire, but still want to get them gifts. We're doing a Peter Pan theme. Our groomsmen will be 18 to 27 and our bridesmaids are 16 to 25.
We want something fun but not cheesy or boring...Any gift ideas? Help?

First, as others have said, you're already married, so you don't get a redo wedding. Feel free to have a vow renewal, but I personally feel that 5 years is way too early. Renewals are meant for times when your vows have been tested or need a refresher. You shouldn't need a refresher after five years, so unless something super significant happened (ie, deployment, sickness, etc).

Second, Peter Pan is a bit juvenile for a wedding theme, let alone themed gifts for your wedding party. They're almost all adults, they deserve to be treated like adults. Shop for them like you would for their birthday or Christmas, so that you actually get them something they want and will use in the future.

AJuliaNJ · May 2013

I refuse to believe this is a real post.

Peledreamsofrain · May 2013

Post removed due to GBCK

B2Z728 · May 2013

artbyallie · May 2013

Have y'all seen Once Upon A Time's version? They turned Peter Pan into a villain...

Or maybe OP is going for old-school Hook...

BANGARANG!

And then OP's fake wedding dress can be like this one:

[Deleted User] · May 2013

I really don't understand why people are throwing fits over someone misusing a "do over wedding" vs. a vow renewal. It seems to happen quite often.
The peter pan idea is cute, but maybe for gifts you could do an assortment of jewelry (with faeries, flowers, etc.) that you think each of your "bridal party" would enjoy. For the guys, maybe you could get them each their own individual flask with a pirate ship or a hook and then have their names engraved.

Also, if you think this is fake, why bother posting? Aren't we all supposed to support each other and help out? If this is fake, then fine. I wasted my time posting an answer. But if it is true, then people are really making someone feel shitty about something that they are probably putting a lot of time and effort into.

QueerFemme · May 2013

awebb04 said:

I really don't understand why people are throwing fits over someone misusing a "do over wedding" vs. a vow renewal. It seems to happen quite often.
The peter pan idea is cute, but maybe for gifts you could do an assortment of jewelry (with faeries, flowers, etc.) that you think each of your "bridal party" would enjoy. For the guys, maybe you could get them each their own individual flask with a pirate ship or a hook and then have their names engraved.

Also, if you think this is fake, why bother posting? Aren't we all supposed to support each other and help out? If this is fake, then fine. I wasted my time posting an answer. But if it is true, then people are really making someone feel shitty about something that they are probably putting a lot of time and effort into.

No, we aren't all here to support each other when the person's ideas are really bad and against etiquette. The people here are trying to help, by pointing out really bad ideas and being blunt in their answers. It's better to hear it from a bunch of internet strangers instead of hearing your friends and family talking about you behind your back.

Do-overs are against etiquette. And when a poster uses "we didn't have a real wedding", it's not only inaccurate, it's incredbly rude to mply that the brides who got married at the courthouse didn't have a "real" wedding. Being an adult means making adult decisions.

Viczaesar · May 2013

awebb04 said:

I really don't understand why people are throwing fits over someone misusing a "do over wedding" vs. a vow renewal. It seems to happen quite often.
The peter pan idea is cute, but maybe for gifts you could do an assortment of jewelry (with faeries, flowers, etc.) that you think each of your "bridal party" would enjoy. For the guys, maybe you could get them each their own individual flask with a pirate ship or a hook and then have their names engraved.

Also, if you think this is fake, why bother posting? Aren't we all supposed to support each other and help out? If this is fake, then fine. I wasted my time posting an answer. But if it is true, then people are really making someone feel shitty about something that they are probably putting a lot of time and effort into.

Those sound like horrible presents. And no, we're not all supposed to "support each other." Do you subscribe to the Emperor's New Duds view of advice giving?

AddieCake · May 2013

We're supportive when we need to be supportive and blunt when we're trying to stop someone from embarrassing him or herself with his or her friends and family.

I Googled Peter Pan wedding and fell in love with one of the pics that came up. Subtle, subtle subtle. That is key to any theme. There just isn't probably any good way to come up with adult gifts that are Peter Pan related. Touches to the event,sure, but not in the gifts for the bridal party, especially the men.

It DOES matter when people are not using terms right b/c then they tend to find themselves doing something against etiquette. And it is upsetting to a lot of people when someone claims they didn't have a "real wedding" when some people had the same kind of wedding and consider it perfectly real or would give anything to be able to even have THAT wedding.

Here is a website for proper vow renewals:

http://www.idotaketwo.com/

TKzilla · May 2013

Get all the girls fairy wings and get all the guys tights. And make sure they wear them down the aisle.

terratucker · May 2013

Wow... You're a lovely bunch.

Yes. This is real.

My Husband and I got married. We didn't have a wedding with friends and family. Just us. Our parents couldn't afford it or afford to support us and our younger siblings since his are disabled and mine have never had much. We didn't want to live together out of wedlock so we got married at the courthouse, moved out, and supported ourselves.

It's something both our parents have always felt horrible about and something we've always regretted. We can afford it now and so we are doing it. It is our 5 years married but 10 years together.

We're 23 so to us and our loved ones 10 years is a big deal. In that time we lost 2 friends at war and my brother was murdered by his wife. It's been tested and we've only gotten through it with each other.

I posted on here for help and ideas. Instead I got harsh, judgmental, and flat out rude comments from snobby women. I didn't feel the need to disclose my in-laws disability or my parents low income or any other information as it was none of your business. I'm disappointed. I thought this was for grownups

awebb04 ... Thank you. I appreciate a polite voice in the crowd. I wont be wasting my time here.

brielleinlove · May 2013

I am sorry to hear that you and your husband have had a difficult time over the last several years.

However, that does not make your wedding five years ago any less of a wedding. You and your husband made an adult decision to get married at the age of 18. Regrets or not, that doesn't mean you get to play dress-up now and pretend to have a wedding.

You can plan a wonderful vow renewal to celebrate all that you have overcome together, and in a situation like yours, I think it would be perfectly justified to celebrate the hardships you have overcome. Just don't frame it as a pretend wedding.

artbyallie · May 2013

brielleinlove said:

I am sorry to hear that you and your husband have had a difficult time over the last several years.

However, that does not make your wedding five years ago any less of a wedding. You and your husband made an adult decision to get married at the age of 18. Regrets or not, that doesn't mean you get to play dress-up now and pretend to have a wedding.

You can plan a wonderful vow renewal to celebrate all that you have overcome together, and in a situation like yours, I think it would be perfectly justified to celebrate the hardships you have overcome. Just don't frame it as a pretend wedding.

All of this. Though I'm questioning why you count years of a relationship as starting at 13. That makes me cringe a little, to be perfectly honest. I don't say that to be mean. 13-year-olds are still children, after all. Adulthood doesn't come until 18 and full brain development is not complete until around 25. (I say as a 25-year-old, natch)

And FTR, my grandmother got married straight out of high school. In her church, on a Tuesday, with no guests save her own mother, who was begging her not to go through with it right up until she walked down the aisle. She didn't wear a white dress, didn't have attendants, got one night in a hotel an hour away for her 'honeymoon.' And she was and is married. For 53 years now.* (ETA:52, they were married in September, IIRC) She didn't ever feel a need to pretend to be a bride again.

laylasaurus · May 2013

No one here is trying to hurt your feelings, they are trying to help you save face and clue you into what is and isn't acceptable in the adult world. Also, given the number of people that have all told you the same thing, you'd think one might accept it as truth, "oh...maybe what I am planning IS in poor taste" not "oh everyone here doesn't like my idea is being so mean to me" Don't ask for advice if you don't want honest answers. While it sucks that you got married under less than perfect circumstances, you still got married. It's done. A marriage ceremony isn't a pretty pretty dress up party that you can throw whenever you want. Wedding "re-dos" only serve to negate the importance of the actual wedding you had. Do you think BMs and princess dresses somehow make your vows more real? They don't. Throw a beautiful vow renewal, invite all your friends and family, have a reception, but skip everything specifically related to a wedding ceremony.

Gotta second the themed gift idea, it is almost always a bad idea. Unless you know for sure that every one of these people is a HUGE Peter Pan fan- don't give adults fairy tale themed gifts. A gift should always be about the person receiving it and their tastes, not yours.

laylasaurus · May 2013

Addie- I'm stealing the hell out of that gif. Such a good episode..

Artbyallie- The Once Upon of Time version gave me Peter Pan nightmares. For real, they were terrifying.

Dreamergirl8812 · May 2013

Everything has pretty much been said but I have to respond to the "my parents didn't have money" thing. Your parents are not required to pay for your wedding. They should not feel guilty about not paying; I hope you're not fueling that. Lot's of people are financially strapped when they get married; your situation does not change how people in your life will view you when, as a married woman, you stand up in a wedding dress costume.

Also, congratulations on having a strong marriage.

Viczaesar · May 2013

terratucker said:

Wow... You're a lovely bunch.
Yes. This is real.
My Husband and I got married. We didn't have a wedding with friends and family. Just us. Our parents couldn't afford it or afford to support us and our younger siblings since his are disabled and mine have never had much. We didn't want to live together out of wedlock so we got married at the courthouse, moved out, and supported ourselves.
It's something both our parents have always felt horrible about and something we've always regretted. We can afford it now and so we are doing it. It is our 5 years married but 10 years together.
We're 23 so to us and our loved ones 10 years is a big deal. In that time we lost 2 friends at war and my brother was murdered by his wife. It's been tested and we've only gotten through it with each other.
I posted on here for help and ideas. Instead I got harsh, judgmental, and flat out rude comments from snobby women. I didn't feel the need to disclose my in-laws disability or my parents low income or any other information as it was none of your business. I'm disappointed. I thought this was for grownups
awebb04 ... Thank you. I appreciate a polite voice in the crowd. I wont be wasting my time here.

Grown ups own their decisions and don't try to play pretend. Your in laws' disability and your parents' low income have nothing to do with anything. You got nothing but good advice here.

Themed groomsmen and bridesmaids gifts? Help?

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