.

wiki8 · May 2013

AddieCake · May 2013

Sorry, but if someone threatened not to talk to me any more b/c I said I couldn't afford something, I'd be showing her the exit door to my life. With an attitude like that, she doesn't value the friendship, so why should you?

wiki8 · May 2013

@AddieL73 I know, it doesn't seem like she does value it anymore, but it isn't just me she is treating this way. It is all of us. I just keep thinking about our friendship before she got engaged, because she really wasn't like this. Her whole thought process about getting married is terrible, she keeps making comments like "I can't wait until I get married so I don't have to do this anymore" or "I can't wait until I get married so I don't have to talk to certain people anymore" she is literally BSC about this whole thing. I just don't get it.

wiki8 · May 2013

@StageManager14 I can see how you feel that way.

Peaseblossom55 · May 2013

I'm sorry you are dealing with this, most likely I would bow of the wedding party. I wouldn't let someone treat me this way or condone it by staying in the wedding party. It's so terrible how planning a wedding can turn a great friend into someone awful.

wiki8 · May 2013

This also might be selfish, but when she got engaged I was so happy for her. She asked me to come over to talk about it and tell me the story and show me the ring, and I immediately rushed over. And then when I got engaged afterwards, she didn't answer any of my phone calls. When I finally texted her she responded 12 hours later simply saying "congrats" and then didn't even bother to see me in person for over a month. I understand we are both busy, but it was a slap in the face.

Hanging out in general since she got engaged has been obnoxious. It's always around her and her FIs schedule and where they want to go. They blow us off when we have already went to the destination. She's never once made an effort to see where FI and I live. It's all very one sided and I'm just starting to realize it and get fed up.

vanityink · May 2013

I would say "I'm sorry, but I can't afford XYZ, so I'm removing myself from the bridal party. I look forward to attending as a guest." If she's being such a witch she may pull the invite entirely, but honestly I would prefer that to dealing with so many problems and hating the entire experience forever.

wiki8 · May 2013

I agree @danser55 it is terrible.

RebeccaB88 · May 2013

I honestly don't see one reason why you think you should try to save the relationship other than the length of time you've been friends.

She's treating you like crap. You know those people she doesn't want to talk to after the wedding? You're one of them. Save her the trouble of dumping you and walk. She is not a friend.

wiki8 · May 2013

@RebeccaB88 I know, I most likely am one of them. One of my very good friends says she has seen this side of her for years, and she doesn't understand how I am just noticing it. I'm not sure why I am trying to save the friendship, besides the fact we've been friends so long. I guess I just keep wishing it were different, even though I know it's not.

Jen4948 · May 2013

If she's treating all of you that badly, maybe you could do an intervention with the other wedding party members? If she is told that she's about to lose all of them as bridesmaids, let alone friends, in one go, maybe that will penetrate her skull?

allispain · May 2013

The length of time of a friendship shouldn't dictate whether or not someone can be mean, rude, etc. to you. A former friend I have known since we were both seven (21+ years total) and I not only went to grade school and high school together, we went to the same college. I invited her to my wedding - no RSVP. I leave her a voicemail, send an e-mail, write a facebook message - no contact. Doesn't even bother to respond to me. Yes, we had been friends for 21 years, but you can't bother to be polite and respond to me when I invite you to my wedding? That tells me you're not interested in being my friend anymore. Other friends have always seen this side of her, but I wanted to ignore it and look the other way, thinking back on all the good times we used to have. Not anymore.

In other words - if she's not acting like a friend, why spend all that money and take all that flack on the hope that once the wedding is over a magic switch will flip in her brain and turn her back into the person you thought she was?

misssunshine17 · May 2013

I agree with PPs. If you know she's treating you like crap and you're not willing to do anything about it, that's on you and you can't be upset about money/time spent.

No is not a four letter word.

AddieCake · May 2013

One of my cousins was like this. She kicked me out of her wedding. Then she kicked out her friend's daughter as flower girl when she found one she wanted instead. Her sister told me she was then moaning and groaning and wondering why she had no friends. If she is treating all her friends this way, she needs a wake up call.

cbrown828 · May 2013

I am sorry your friend is acting this way. I have mentioned before in some posts that I was in a similar situation last year. BFF since freshman year of college got enagaged, asked me to be MOH, then started making ridiculous demands, including a destination bachelorette. When I told her we couldn't do a 4-day weekend (all the bridesmaids has agreed), she freaked and said I of all people should be able to afford it with my govt. job. She became insulting to me and I almost quit, but decided it was less drama to stay. We have spoken twice since her wedding. It became glaringly apparent how little she cared for our friendship once she finally found someone who wanted to marry her. If you stay, be prepared that the friendship might already be wrecked. I had my hopes up that it would all work out once the stress calmed down, and I was very wrong.

daveANDkristen · May 2013

I can see your friendship with this person going the way of @cbrown828 situation above. Do you really want to shell out what sounds like a few thousand dollars for this girl? I wouldn't. If you stay in this wedding, please do not put a dime into a gift, honeymoon jar, wedding fundraiser, etc. If she's just going to drop you on your ass for being such a disappointment, why send her on her way with a big chunk of your hard earned cash?

wittykitty14 · May 2013

Yeah, I'd drop out too, If you want to, you can give her one last chance, saying "Look, I can't afford to pay for x, y, and z. But I will pay for a and b." Then, the ball is in her court. Chances are, she'll throw you out right on the spot. It will save you the trouble.

I know you're been friends for 23 years, but your relationship is not healthy. I would stay far away from her.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2013

@wiki8, I've followed what you've posted on the other boards, and I read this here. The more you tried to explain why you're saving the friendship, the more you give is examples of why it's not worth saving. Yes, you've been friends for 23 years. That's a long time. I get that. But it's time to cut ties.

I recently cut ties with my BFF of 17 years because her behaviour got so toxic I couldn't stand it anymore. It hurt, and I miss her, but I don't miss the drama and the anger. She had asked me to be in her wedding, and I bowed out. It was the right thing to do.

I'm so sorry for you.

banana468 · May 2013

Sometimes you have to give "tough love" to a person. Friendships and relationships in general are not about doing things that compromise your integrity or bank account in order to avoid conflict.

That's not friendship. It's you being a doormat.

hoffse · May 2013

This is happening to a good friend of mine - she is in her brother's wedding in July and the bride has gone completely nuts. Unfortunately, if she backs out it means losing her brother, not just a friend. Guess what? She's thiiiiis close to backing out anyway.

I understand the long friendship thing - I had girls in my wedding I've known more than 20 years. But we are all still kind to one another. If she's treating you this way and others say that she is showing her true colors, I wouldn't bother preserving that friendship. Friendships evolve and change over time, and this one should probably come to a close.

TheBaysideBride · May 2013

I didn't speak to my then BF for almost a year after her wedding, bc of a similar issue.

This is not going to make it better, but in my experience w/ brides who freak out, it's usually because there is an issue w/ the marriage, not the wedding itself. I"m sure you've already tried, but maybe take her to lunch or dinner and try to have a calm talk, not about anything wedding related, but about how she's feeling, any other stress, etc.

If not, I'm guessing you'll just buck up, show up and drink up

keep up posted!!

wiki8 · May 2013

Thanks everyone! I appreciate the sincere responses. As far as my "whining" I'm going to continue to do that I'm sure. Because just like anyone could make a comment about my doing it because its the Internet and they can say whatever they want, same goes for me. And it is really helpful for me to have somewhere to post about it and hear feedback.

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