Head table/ seating chart question

hordol · May 2013

I wanted to start thinking about how we are going to do the seating chart and I can't quite solve this head table dilemma. My FI wants the traditional head table--only bride, groom, and the wedding party. He has never seen it done any other way, and I have mentioned in other posts before that he is a bit goofy in the sense that he does not want to do anything that he hasn't seen done before. I had discussed with him sitting the significant others at the head table with us because I saw that idea somewhere (maybe here? idk) and liked that a lot, since there are a couple significant others to members of the bridal party that won't know other people. FI didn't like that idea because we had two single members of the bridal party and he thought they would feel awkward and uncomfortable being the only single ones at the table. Well, one ended up having to drop out of the wedding due to work and the other got a boyfriend, so that problem is solved and FI agreed the the SOs being at the head table...but here is my new problem: One of the ushers has 4 kids that neither FI nor I know very well, and at the risk of sounding like a bitch, I'm going to put this out there: I don't really want kids at the head table. There will be no other kids at the table (except for a baby) and it seems a little strange to sit them all up there, plus that brings the final count to 24. That seems like a very large head table. I don't want to do a kids table because I hate that idea--who is going to watch them? The kids are too little to be sitting on their own and I don't think it's fair to make other people watch them. Plus, i believe splitting up families is generally a bad idea.

Here is my question: Do ushers usually sit at the head table anyway? I honestly have no idea because I don't pay attention to such things. Is allowing whole/large families to sit at the head table a bit ridiculous?

Is a sweetheart table a better alternative? FI is a little iffy on the idea (again, he has never heard of this before and I swear he thinks I'm making this up haha) but I like the idea a little more than a head table at this point. I don't really want to sit at a crowded noisy table anyway. A sweetheart table seems little antisocial, though I'm worried it might open us up to people constantly coming up to us and talking to us without letting us eat. What are your opinions on this? I'm eating that dinner I'm paying so much for, damnit.

Thanks.

shilotony2012 · May 2013

We are doing a head sweetheart table. We definately werent having the WP up there since I figured they would want to be with the families. Another issue for us is OUR kids. We have six between us so we played around with the idea of having the head table be just us and the kids. Ages between 12-23 so no big deal. However, one of FI kids is married and I dont want her up there and his daughter is engaged and I dont want him up there. So, I think we will just do a sweetheart table with the WP in tables on the right and left of the sweetheart table. Make sense?

Oh, but i think 24 is large, and i dont think ushers are seated at the head table.

daria24 · May 2013

I actually think head tables are more antisocial since they tend to be up on a riser, and you are surrounded by the WP so I feel awkward approaching it.

Personally, I'm a big fan of the b+g sitting at a table with the MOH & BM + SOs, or b+g & parents & siblings, etc and splitting the WP up at tables with people they know.

That being said, unless you have a really small WP I don't think ushers normally sit at the head table. And I've seen traditional head tables where a member if the WP isn't up there because they are sitting with their young children at another table.

Kate61487 · May 2013

Definitely do not split up the usher/his wife from their four children. That is a disaster waiting to happen and if I was that usher I would be confused and kind of pissed off.

I have definitely seen ushers *not* at the head table, so I think if you want to put the ushers and their families at regular guest tables that wouldn't seem out of the ordinary at all, but a sweetheart table is really the easiest solution. You two likely won't even be at your table most of the evening. H and I ate dinner, but we were at our table for maybe 10 minutes (it really doesn't take that long to eat) - the rest of the time we were doing table visits, dancing, visiting with guests, etc.

hordol · May 2013

Thanks everyone, that is very helpful!!

hordol · May 2013

I have lots of different options to consider now, this is great! I thought about just not including the ushers, but we have 2 ushers and one of them is the SO of one of the bridesmaids, so he would be up there which would leave just the one usher excluded, and I thought that might be sad lol. But I bet he will understand that he has a lot of little ones to be with.

ETA: Still considering the sweetheart table, though. And I liked the idea of just the bride/groom/bm/moh and so's too.

TheBaysideBride · May 2013

Just my opinion - I thought we would do a sweethearts table even though I like a head table better, but when i mentioned it to my married BMs they all agreed that htey loved the head table, adn will be fine not sitting w/ their SOs for a little while (as people will be dancing for most of the night).

It's an honor for them to be in your wedding and their SOs can deal wiht a few minutes apart, watching their loved ones on stage/at the head table. I've been to a million events where FI has to sit up on a diaz, and I"m in the audience, and you just make friends w/ the other spouses for the short time you're apart. it's fun. don't sweat it.

hordol · May 2013

Thanks BaysideBride--I agree they are adults and can survive a dinner time apart, but I know if the roles were reversed and FI sat at a headtable and I didn't know anyone at the wedding and had to sit with strangers, I would HATE it because I'm shy. So it just seems weird to me not to let people sit with their SOs.

Head table/ seating chart question

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