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Invitation/announcement

Judym911Judym911
Name Dropper First Comment
in Wedding Invitations & Paper
This is both our second marriage. We are having a destination wedding. We are getting married 1st here, civilly, locally in the courts then off to Mexico for a symbolic/ renewal of our vows ceremony. We aren't inviting to the civil except to our immediate family. Then to a small celebratory dinner. As for the destination wedding we invited our close family and choice friends. We want to send a "notice" in the mail, but prior to the wedding. And is not an invite. How should the words read? Should it be an announcement style format??? Please help, all comments are welcome.
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Re: Invitation/announcement

  • 84rinne84rinne
    First Comment
    Hello!
    I was having the same thought as you, that I wanted to send out announcements BEFORE the actual wedding day. Although I read that it should be sent after. However, I feel that the loved ones close to us (who we cannot invite due to our small 25p wedding) would already hear about our upcoming day. If they did not receive any kind of message from us, I feel that would be more rude. Because of course I'm not going to say "We're planning our day! But we aren't inviting you!!" and someone might be waiting for their invitation in the mail, only for it never to come.

    Personally, I'd be kind of hurt only to receive the announcement after. I feel that perhaps sending it beforehand lets people know that if you could, you would invite them. And that taking the time to send them a proper notice (such as using nice printed stationary, perhaps a short note to them specifically) lets them know you care and will be thinking of them on that day.

    I don't know tho, what do you other guys think?

    Also I think it's perfectly fine to consider you ceremony in Mexico as a "destination wedding". :)
    That's what I'm doing!
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  • 84rinne84rinne
    First Comment
    Also here's what I was considering to write on my announcements (as from myself and my fiance):

    "Joe Smith & Jane Doe
    will join in marriage
    on January 1, 2028
    in small/intimate ceremony with their families.

    Although we are not able to be together on this happy day,
    you will be with us in our hearts.
    Love, Joe & Jane"

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  • Judym911Judym911
    Name Dropper First Comment
    edited May 2013
    @84rinne I agree, I'm trying to send notice to distant family, and those not invited so they know before I show up at a family event or dinner and say hey I'm married! Just trying to do as respectful and polite and direct as possible... @cmgr thank you for opinion on the matter, it's really up to us to which ceremony we feel is to be considered our ceremony isn't it? Isn't even church ceremonies legally bound prior? And the difficulty of a wedding if its tue or not how does that play in this at all? Any way we decided on sending an engagement announcement with the wedding info: With great joy We announce the engagement of Vincent & Judy Tying the knot on July 21, 2013. Although we couldn’t have you there in person, because you have shared in our lives by your friendship and love, you will be with us on our special day.
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  • Judym911Judym911
    Name Dropper First Comment
    @cmgr... Isn't it RUDER to sho up at the next family function saying hey, we're married, we didn't tell anyone???
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  • lisabeatslisabeats member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment

    Judym911 said:
    @cmgr... Isn't it RUDER to sho up at the next family function saying hey, we're married, we didn't tell anyone???
    This is why announcements should be sent, just after the event has taken place.

    Sending an announcement or a non-vitation before hand is like dangling something in front of them "look at this party we're throwing!" but not extending it to the recipient. Doing so afterwards is considered more polite and not rude.
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    84rinne said:
    Also here's what I was considering to write on my announcements (as from myself and my fiance):

    "Joe Smith & Jane Doe
    will join in marriage
    on January 1, 2028
    in small/intimate ceremony with their families.

    Although we are not able to be together on this happy day,
    you will be with us in our hearts.
    Love, Joe & Jane"


    This is extremely rude.  It's pretty much rubbing it in the person's face that you're getting married but they're not invited.  Send the announcement immediately after the wedding. 
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  • libby2483libby2483 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    @Judym911 and @84rinne, it would be extremely rude to send an announcement before the wedding, because, as PPs have stated, this is just rubbing it in people's faces that they aren't invited.  This is not @CMGr's opinion -- it is what is dictated by proper etiquette.  If you send the announcement right after the wedding, then there should be no reason you would be in a situation where you would show up at a family event and say, "Hey we're married and we didn't tell anyone."
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    You cannot make an announcement before the wedding.  If it's someone really close, pick up the phone and call them.  But anyone close enough to call and tell should be on the guest list.  

    Invited guests will find out when you tell them or when you send the invitation.

    There is no acceptable way to send a note telling people that you're having an event that they won't be invited to.  There's just no way you can honestly think that's acceptable.  
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  • 84rinne84rinne
    First Comment
    Thank you guys, I understand. How then to handle this? Is it ok to talk directly to or call those ppl we wish to inform sooner? For example, my friends will know that I'm planning the wedding(its a big thing in a person's life of course), is it ok to tell like "we are planning very small ceremony with only family there" in a casual manner. I just want certain ppl to know I care about them/show our respect. But I also don't want to be rude or show bad manners like you said. Although it seems so simple or obvious answer, thanks for any input!
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  • 84rinne84rinne
    First Comment
    Ok, so is it ok to mention there is a wedding but don't talk about details or any planning you mean? Or you mean to not even mention about a wedding at all?
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  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Just don't mention the wedding at all. No one wants to hear about the flowers and food they wont be invited to see in person. Like CMGr said, if someone asks about, feel free to say that you're having an intimate affair, but leave it at that. 

    It's rude to talk details with someone you're not planning to invite, no matter the size of the wedding. Our wedding will be around 150 people, but I avoid wedding talk with my co-workers because I know we will not be inviting them.  
    image
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  • 84rinne84rinne
    First Comment
    Hello, I appreciate your advice and answering my questions. I know it may seem stupid to you perhaps, but it is really helpful to me. We all have our individual situations, and sometimes knowing how to properly handle it without stepping on toes is not easy. I've decided to handle the announcement situation more like you said, but I still have to take it case by case. We have a few situations where we have to handle it differently.

    To CMGr: I don't think comparing getting married to an 8th birthday party is logical. I don't appreciate the way I have seen you handle yourself in this topic, towards myself and others. I would be mindful of that, as you are coming off very rude (yet are telling me to not be rude in return). However, I understand and I will follow the way to do my best towards others. Thank you.

    Thank you all again!
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