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Proper Etiquette for Destination Weddings

Love51913Love51913 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
We are really considering a "Destination" wedding and some of the topics we are worried about is proper etiquette with guests.  We are considering having a dinner/reception for all of our friends and co-workers when we arrive back from the wedding.  Here are a few questions I have thought of.

1. Do we pay for airfare, hotel, transportation?
2. Do we invite people we know will not attend?
3. Is it proper to have a wedding shower?  If it is, should we invite people that are not going to the wedding?
4. Who do we send out Save the Dates to?

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!
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Re: Proper Etiquette for Destination Weddings

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    Love51913Love51913 member
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    missax said:

    Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!
    1. You do not need to pay for their hotel or airfare. If you are having your ceremony & reception in different locations (ceremony in a hotel and then a reception after at a restaurant) then you need to provide transportation to and from.
    2. Only invite people you want to show up. You'd be surprised how many people you didn't expect would go rsvp yes.
    3. Do not throw yourself a shower. Someone can throw one for you and it really should only be people invited to the wedding. I opted out of a shower when my FMIL & MOH offered them because I don't want any gifts. Showing up to my destination wedding is gift enough for me.
    4. Only send STDs to people you want to go to the wedding. We had wedding announcements made for extended family & our parent's friend who were not invited. Those will be sent after the wedding to avoid confusion.
    I agree that going to the wedding is gift enough.  What are your thoughts about having a little dinner/reception back home?  I do understand that there are people that can not afford, jobs, or have children, that they can not make it to the destination.  The destination we have set means a lot to both of us so that is why we are considering it, if it was not so important we would do it back home.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Love51913 said:
    I agree that going to the wedding is gift enough.  What are your thoughts about having a little dinner/reception back home?  I do understand that there are people that can not afford, jobs, or have children, that they can not make it to the destination.  The destination we have set means a lot to both of us so that is why we are considering it, if it was not so important we would do it back home.
    Instead of doing that, I'd have a nice party on your first anniversary, where you can invite anyone you like.  I really would not invite anyone to anything to celebrate your "wedding" who is not going to the destination wedding-it kind of rubs it in that they weren't there.
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    crunchymamaof2 crunchymamaof2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    Instead of throwing a second "reception" why not take that money (since they can be pretty pricey sometimes) and use it to pay the way of some of the people that can't make it if they mean that much to you?

    If people can't come, they can't come. That's unfortunately a drawback to destination weddings. You have to decide what's more important to you, having the destination wedding or having everyone you care about there to celebrate? Because even a light dinner/party shouldn't be done. Nothing in regards to your wedding when you get home. I really like the anniversary party idea.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

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    misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
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    Ehh, I'm not a fan of at home receptions or even parties when people have DWs. I can see maybe if it is ONLY people you invite to the DW, but I don't think it should be anyone else. You're making the choice to have a DW and many people can't/won't choose to attend. I wouldn't attend a DW unless it was my brother. Too expensive and I want to be able to choose where and when I vacation. 
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    Kate61487Kate61487 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Love51913 said:
    We are really considering a "Destination" wedding and some of the topics we are worried about is proper etiquette with guests.  We are considering having a dinner/reception for all of our friends and co-workers when we arrive back from the wedding.  Here are a few questions I have thought of.

    1. Do we pay for airfare, hotel, transportation?
    2. Do we invite people we know will not attend?
    3. Is it proper to have a wedding shower?  If it is, should we invite people that are not going to the wedding?
    4. Who do we send out Save the Dates to?

    Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!
    1. Not necessary. 
    2. Invite who you want to invite.  Whether you think they can attend or not.
    3. It is fine to have a shower.  Everyone invited to the shower must be invited to the wedding; whether they go or not.
    4. STDs are never necessary.  For a DW they will likely be more helpful as guests will need time to plan / save / get vacation time, etc.  They should only be sent to guests you KNOW you will be inviting.
    As PPs have said there's no "reception" when you get back.  The term "at home reception" has become common, but really it's just a "hey we're married" party b/c the reception follows immediately after the ceremony.  Usually people do this because a large portion of their guest list wasn't able to make it to the destination, so there's no sense planning one until you know who's coming and who's not.  All of those guests should also be invited to the wedding itself.
     
    I also really don't get the AHR thing.  If it's actually important to you to celebrate with all the people at home then get married at home.  If the destination is important to you then honeymoon there.  If being in the destination as you say your vows is more important than celebrating with friends.. well, you made your choice.

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    Love51913Love51913 member
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    I just want to thank everyone for their input!  It helped me out a lot! :)
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