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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bad Facebook etiquette from non-guest (sorry, long)

I've been a lurker on the boards for the past year, and have gotten a lot of great advice from the wonderful brides on here. Until recently I hadn't had a true reason to post to this board, but I just HAD to share! I'm about four weeks out from my wedding that has been in the works for 16 months. FI and I have known a girl since our college years who I would describe as a "mutual friend" of our friends, a social friend who we see at parties or group gatherings, but we have never spent any real time with her or gotten together one-on-one. She does have close relationships with some members of our bridal party and is a very... boisterous and crazy person, but we've all just kind of laughed it off always and said, "that's SO her."

So, when we sent our save-the-dates last summer, she posted on my wall: "Word on the street is that your save the dates went out last week! Unless mine got lost somewhere in the mail, I'm assuming you forgot to send it... in which case, tell the caterer to plan for one more, and the bartender to plan for plus five, because I'm going to crash that wedding so hard!" ...And then posted a video to the song "Friends In Low Places."

Well, eventually I laughed that off, but today she posted on my wall yet again, this time tagging a number of friends (some invited to the wedding, some not): "River raft trip up north with the whole gang sometime? Post wedding that I am not invited to, of course." and follow-ups including, "I'll be serving drinks in mason jars on our rafts too, take THAT, wedding!"

I just can't even deal with the RUDE way some people deal with weddings, joking or not! I'm not overly bothered by it, because I know she's the one that looks foolish... but did anyone else have something like this happen to you?

"I finally realized that I didn't want to live in world that you weren't a part of. And that was hard to admit to myself, and not just because it ends in a preposition." Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: Bad Facebook etiquette from non-guest (sorry, long)

  • I don't think she has the nerve, to be honest. She has too many friends coming to the wedding who would be absolutely aghast at it (including one of my closest friends who is involved in our ceremony) to do it. The bitter talk, masked with a joking tone and follow-ups of "just kidding around, duh!" make it seem like she's feeling left out. 

    But come on, it's a wedding, not some college party someone forgot to invite you to via text message!
    "I finally realized that I didn't want to live in world that you weren't a part of. And that was hard to admit to myself, and not just because it ends in a preposition." Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • She sounds really immature. Good call on not inviting her.
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  • edited June 2013
    Do you think it would help to call her on it? 

    Hey XYZ, from your posts, it seems like you're upset you're not invited to our wedding. I'm sorry if you are, but we were unable to invite everyone we wished. 

    I know its not really true, but I wouldn't be able to not acknowledge the crazy. 

    ETA: I know I'm probably way off base and it could backfire on you, but that would seriously piss me off to publicly call you out. 
  • I like your idea, misssunshine, but this girl might just be beyond understanding things here. She knows the situation, and that she isn't close friends with us, and I've done a good job of deflecting her posts with some humor and help from friends. I'm mostly just hoping it doesn't come up a third time, and if it does, I'm going to be forced to confront it head-on. 

    In other news, there's ANOTHER person who is quite similar who has not spoken to either of us about not being invited, but has told multiple people how she's "super pissed" at us for it because I "told her she was going to be invited," which is a lie. I can't decide which variety of non-invitee is worse!
    "I finally realized that I didn't want to live in world that you weren't a part of. And that was hard to admit to myself, and not just because it ends in a preposition." Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • They both sound crazy, seriously. I can understand being disappointed at not being invited, but I certainly wouldn't want to call attention to it, it just makes them look desperate. 
  • I'd delete anything wedding related she posts on your wall and untag yourself in anything on her wall.
  • What is wrong with people?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited June 2013
    Good grief. I'm honestly not sure what I'd do. I definitely agree to remove her posts and untag yourself. Just doing that and not saying anything is probably the best course of action, but I would be so tempted to say something!

    ETA: I did have something like that happen. I'm a high school teacher,and naturally a lot of my students and former students pulled the "I better be invited!" mostly just verbally. There was one graduate, however, who posted on my wall that he couldn't believe he wasn't invited. I gave him the "keeping it small, can't invite everyone" party line But he was pissed b/c there WERE a few former students that I did invite. Well, I was closer to them than others!  He just wouldn't let up. I finally had to tell him this was my fucking WEDDING, not a kegger for everyone I had ever met. He removed his posts. 

    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • She knows you're not close but wants to use this as a G2G of old friends to reminisce/catch up?  I'd remind her your wedding is not a weekend camping/rafting trip and to catch up with everyone on her own time.  Your wedding isn't a college reunion.

    People are ridiculous!
    Where there is love, there is life.-Ghandi
  • This girl sounds awfully bitter. I would have a hard time remaining friends with someone like that.
  • jcrmcjcrmc member
    100 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    Un-friend her. You don't owe her any explanation whatsoever as to why you did not invite her, OR why you un-friend her.

    And yeah, like Sheldon up there says....bitches be crazy.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Thanks for the advice, everyone. I hid all the posts from my wall and made it pretty clear that I didn't want to be a part of the conversation... I also made it so she can't tag me in anything or post on my wall unless I review it first. That should get the point across. I explained this to a close friend recently in the same way some of you have: "she's acting like my wedding is a kegger in Brooklyn that someone left her off the Facebook invitation for!"

    Also literally laughed out loud at my desk when I saw the Sheldon gif... it's SO TRUE!
    "I finally realized that I didn't want to live in world that you weren't a part of. And that was hard to admit to myself, and not just because it ends in a preposition." Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I would remover her posts from my wall, untag myself, and defriend her on FB personally. I would also avoid socializing with her in anything but really large groups, if that. I have no patience for teenage bullshit.
    This.  I'm far too old for that crap.
    image
    Meddied since 6/15/13!
  • OMG a) defriend her and b) you SO made the right choice in not inviting her!

     

  • Haha, thanks Bayside! It's reasons like this that some people are social acquaintances rather than actual friends...
    "I finally realized that I didn't want to live in world that you weren't a part of. And that was hard to admit to myself, and not just because it ends in a preposition." Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I would just respond "I'm in, sounds great!" and leave it at that. 

    I fell out of touch with my best friend from HS a few years ago. I was her MOH and after her wedding she fell out of touch with everyone. We didn't speak or see each other for two years. Then, when I got engaged she sent me a message and asked me: "What will my MOH dress look like?" I responded with "Oh, who's MOH are you?" Day's later she said "my bad, I didn't realize your sister was your MOH, what about the BM dresses?" I told her I wasn't sure what my girls were wearing but I was sure she would see pictures at some point. That was the end of that. 
  • You could block this person on FB. That's probably easier than having to remove yourself constantly and telling her directly to stop posting things about you. That way too, only those important to you will see your posts and you will be "invisible" from this person when your friends comment about you.
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