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Small Immediate Family Wedding - Shower??

SueO63SueO63
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Both of my children are getting married 25 days apart.  My son's wedding has been set for about 8 months.  His is wedding list is about 400 guests and in June.  My daughter announced her engagement in March of this year.  She will be getting married in July.

Getting to my question. My daughter is having immediate family only.  There will be about 21 people at her wedding.  I have other family members that want to come to the wedding.  My daughter is very firm on her wedding guest and I am honoring that.

I have had several people ask me when her shower is.  I am  not sure but I think that you do not invite people to a shower if they are not invited to the wedding.  What is your opinion?
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Re: Small Immediate Family Wedding - Shower??

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    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
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    Your thinking is correct. Good luck!
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    misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
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    It is not proper to invite those people to her shower. If they feel inclined, they'll send her a gift anyway. 
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    rajahmdrajahmd member
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    Your instinct is correct.  Only those invited to the wedding may be invited to pre-wedding parties.  Thank you for honoring your daughter's request to have a small wedding.  I wish more moms were like you.  We get so many brides on here venting because their families keep adding more people that they don't want.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    SueO63 said:
    Both of my children are getting married 25 days apart.  My son's wedding has been set for about 8 months.  His is wedding list is about 400 guests and in June.  My daughter announced her engagement in March of this year.  She will be getting married in July.

    Getting to my question. My daughter is having immediate family only.  There will be about 21 people at her wedding.  I have other family members that want to come to the wedding.  My daughter is very firm on her wedding guest and I am honoring that.

    I have had several people ask me when her shower is.  I am  not sure but I think that you do not invite people to a shower if they are not invited to the wedding.  What is your opinion?
    You rock, Sue!


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    allispainallispain member
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    Ditto PPs - your thoughts regarding the shower are correct, and good for you for not trying to force your daughter into having a wedding that isn't her style.
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    Anastasia517Anastasia517 member
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    Ditto Addie: yay Sue!

    Your belief is correct.  Your daughter is also very lucky you are honouring her wishes.  You'd be surprised how many people are not so lucky!
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    SueO63SueO63
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    My son wanted a small wedding. The bride's family has invited everyone they can think of. We have 37 family and friends coming to the wedding. He does not know 98% of the rest of the guest. I just think that us so wrong. The bride is afraid to stand up to her Mom. The Mom gets "distraught". I would never do that to my daughter. I would not have let it have happened to my son if I had any say in it.
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    michellemayawheelermichellemayawheeler member
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    Typically, you normally would invite those on your wedding guest list.

    If she wanted those to give a gift, I would place the registery on a website and keep very small shower of invited guests.

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    PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
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    Bless you for standing behind your daughter's decision (which is probably not a popular one with the family).  You're an awesome mom.

    Your etiquette is also spot on.  People should not be solicited for gifts for an event that they are not invited to.

    Stick around!  We love people chaulk full of common sense here!
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    harper0813harper0813 member
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    You sound like a great mother of the bride/groom. You are correct about the shower. And it's nice to hear that you have your children's (and their SOs') best interests in mind. Please do stick around!
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    KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
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    Sue, you're amazing. I'm not engaged yet, and I'm currently hoping fervently that, if/when the day comes, my mom acts like you.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    Sue, that's absolutely correct.  I think it's great that you're standing by your children's and future children in-law's wishes on this.
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    Kate61487Kate61487 member
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    sxyktn812 said:
    Sue, some of those family members may still want to send a small gift if they're so interested in general (probably for the wedding rather than the shower).  What are your plans (and everyone's advice) for answering the question of where she's registered without making it sound like they're invited? Just give the names of the stores and drop it there? 
    IMO if they outright ask where she's registered it's fine to say "at BB&B" and then change the subject.  If they are just generally hinting around "it will be so fun", "we can't wait", "when is the shower" that's the time for evading / "they're keeping it very small/intimate" and changing the subject.

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