Vent :( FMIL LONG!

rxjen · October 2010

I am livid right now with Fi parents especially his mom.After our engagement party in August we asked casually how many people they intended to invite to the wedding on their side so we can figure a budget and start slowly looking at some places that we might like,in August she told me that she doesnt know if half the people in Brazil will come blah blah blah! I ask her again the night before yesterday and she blows up LITERALLY BLEW UP! and tells me that this is a long time away and that she doesnt even know if she will be dead by then and that I should be thinking of where I am going to live instead and just walks off mad and locked herself in her room.Fis dad was embarrased and said that thney just need a couple of months to figure it out, I explained that the potential place we have in mind could take a deposit now and lock in a 2010 price for us,he still said they needed time.I spoke to her about the mishap the other night and she said that Fi and I were getting ahead of ourselves and she wont be able to tell me how many people till 3 months before the wedding and to please dont ask he again till then........WTF??? 3 months? Is she serious? I dont know what to do,Fi does not want to hear me vent anymore because he is used to this from her,he said we should just keep our plans a secret and then just tell her because he says she does things on her own terms.......I feel disrespected and embarrased ,my mother has never treated me like a child and yet this woman seems to think she can say whatever she wants to me...........What do I do???

marnie80 · October 2010

Well one thing you can do is not give her the option to give YOU any number of people but you give HER how many people she can invite. That's how I think most girls do. Let's say the place u like only takes 200 ppl well you share that amount between your side and his. Is she paying for your wedding?

rxjen · October 2010

They are paying some part of it.....But Fi and I doubt we want any help from them now......

KimA85 · October 2010

Do NOT allow her the opportunity to blow her top with you again. Do NOT do her the courtesy of asking how many guests she would like to have at the wedding.

You and FI need to decide if the potential venue you have in mind is in fact what you want. Based on the amount of people you can accomodate, figure out how many guests you'd like in attendance. Allot 60% for you and FI, 20% for your family, and 20% for his family.

If you don't tell me what you want, I tell you how it's going to be. That's how I play the game.

anaroo87 · October 2010

How rude! Is she seriously assuming that its ok for you to ask her 3 months beforehand? I completely agree with Marnie and your FI. Plan it on your own terms - decide on an approximate number of people that works with your venue and/or budget and then split it up between your family, his family and then yours and FIs friends. Then when it comes to 3-4 months before hand - tell her how many she is "allowed" to invite and request the name and address info. If she gives too many, too bad so sad for her.
Good luck hun!

EvelynandManny · October 2010

I totally agree with all the pp...just pick a number that works for you and ur place and then give her a percent when the date gets close to inviting....trust me things are ganna change anyways unless your place only allows say 100 pp and thats the max then you will probably have that...but most places are flexiable to add ppl at the end if you need to.

rxjen · October 2010

Thanks Girls, I talked to my mom about this when I got home and she agreed with you girls.......Thanks for always being here

PhiSigFly · October 2010

I agree with everyone on here! Go with the place you want, save yourself money, and tell her how many people she can invite when it gets closer.

I also have an insane FMIL and my FI and I have decided that we will not be including her in any of the wedding planning. They are also paying a portion of it, and we asked for a check, and that's that. I did make it clear to my FI that MY mother will be included in wedding planning, since she is supportive and, most importantly, not insane.

ALSO, and this may be a good piece of advice for you, my FI, and only my FI, deals with his mother when it comes to wedding planning and questions to ask. He was the one to speak to them about the number of people they were inviting, he discussed getting a check with them, etc. I am nice/personable/social with his mother, but if she asks me about the wedding, I am very vague. Leave the dirty work to the boys- they're used to it by now.

haveyousetadate · October 2010

Basically I agree with what everybody else has said, it's your fiance's responsibility to handle his mother, and if she insists on not responding to your questions then hand her a stack of unaddressed invitations and tell her "these are for your family, send them whenever you want, just use them wisely because this is all that we purchased and the venue cannot fit any more people due to fire codes."

Moonstar713 · October 2010

WOW!!! I don't know whats up with these parents! The thing is they don't know how it works. Don't take it personal. Maybe she's just sad her son is leaving her, you know its not easy for mom's especially. Like pp said, you pick the place YOU want and set aside a few spots for his side. You can always make changes later if you really need to. You give her the number of guests she wants. Parents need to understand that its not about them, its about YOU and FI. I don't think you should completely exclude her cuz she might take offense to that and then that might cause more issues. HTH, and GL

Moonstar713 · October 2010

I meant to say that you give her the number of guests she can invite and then later explained that you tried asking her how many people, even a good estimate. But that unfortunately you needed to book the place ASAP before it gets taken, that things here don't get planned 3 months before the wedding but a lot earlier.

jcaruncho2010 · October 2010

Do you guys know that when I first saw the abbreviation "FMIL" I thought it stood for "F*cking Mother In Law"?

Anyway, Marnie is right now, my dear. YOU assign the number of guests she's allowed to invite, not her.

Vent :( FMIL LONG!

Re: Vent :( FMIL LONG!

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