URGENT! FH EXWIFE ATTENDING THE WEDDING?!?!?

Val&Matt · June 2013

Peledreamsofrain · June 2013

Of all the items you listed, your absolute biggest problem is that your FI is not handling/not willing to handle the situation. What happens whwn life deals a REALLY big stressful heap on your plate? He refuses to talk about that too?

Simply Fated · June 2013

It really sounds like you and your fiance aren't completely on the same page.
He might say he doesn't want her there, but actions speak louder than words.
Question, though... is there a custody issue here? Is it his time for their daughter to be with him? Is he scared to upset her because he doesn't want her to make a custody battle out of it?

MoonlightSilver · June 2013

If you didn't invite her, how does she know where the wedding is? Did someone give her those details? If you're really worried about her showing up, you can hire security for your wedding to ensure only invited guests show up. It sounds like she enjoys attention, so just don't give her any.

PPs commented enough on the FI situation, so I wont say much other than the two of you need to get on the same page before the wedding.

SomethingBeautiful08 · June 2013

I agree with the others that the biggest issue sounds like you and your FH not being on the same page. You guys need to work that out.
The ex sounds like a drama queen, and it sounds like you guys need to learn to refuse to fuel it. FH is in a sticky situation with custody. He might be afraid that if he does stand up to her that she will go back to the judge and fight for full custody and he wouldn't get to see his daughter. If you can you might want to start now and work with his attorney to make sure that doesn't happen.

If she does show up, security is a good option, but you could also tell key guests that if she does show up to please just ignore her, pretend she doesn't exist, everyone else will probably follow their lead, ask one person to keep the daughter out of the room with her mother (so the daughter doesn't have to see any drama), and one person to escort her out.

AddieCake · June 2013

So, you didn't send her an invitation, right? I'm confused. It seems like if she didn't get an invitation, she would have been throwing a fit about that. She seems awfully calm for someone who DEMANDED to be invited and wouldn't let her daughter be in the wedding if she were not. Something about this story seems fishy to me.

rajahmd · June 2013

Here's what I'm wondering. If you did not send her invite, how would she know when and where? And I'm with Addie. It seems a little strange that she was demanding to be invited to your first wedding or otherwise wouldn't let his daughter participate, but now she's just casually mentioning it and assuming she's invited.

MuppetFan · June 2013

In all seriousness, are you marrying someone who won't deal with his child's mother, support decisions you've made in your relationship and communicate with you regarding how it affects your wedding?

LAM524 · June 2013

From what you wrote, it does seem that this time around she is being more casual about her attendance. Maybe its because all of the demands she made (the first time around) that she, herself, did do at her own wedding. Maybe she isnt flexing her muscles so big because she would be a hypocrite and FI will have a good fight/defense!

Seems she might just be testing the waters, feeling you out!!! If this is the case, she will follow FI's lead....or yours being that she did bring it up to you!

Good luck....and take those family photos with daughter!!!!

VadersValkyrie · June 2013

NYUgirl100 said:I see a lot of issues here. Agree with PP about fiancé and you not being on same page, agree with question as to whose weekend wedding will be on? I think the actual wedding is the least of your problems. You aren't even married yet, and you are picking up kid at the ex-wife's without your FDH there -- is he planning on dumping off most of parenting to you? Is ex-wife going to kick up a fuss?

I pick up my future stepson all the time without my FH there. FH's work schedule is such, combine with the 1.5 hour distance between the two families, that if we want to see FSS, I have to go pick him up. No judgement here.

I assume ex knows about the time and place of the wedding because her daughter is going to be there; perhaps an invitation was sent to daughter, but not mother? (We sent a save-the-date to FSS, not to mom.)

Regardless, your FH is the one who needs to deal with his ex on this, not you. For the sake of your soon-to-be-stepdaughter, stay out of the middle of it. Tell your FH to make the situation clear. If it sounds like shes' going to show up, have your bridesmaids/groomsmen ready to deal with it.

My concern is if she goes into labor very close to your wedding that she might not let daughter go.

easilyunamused · June 2013

NYUgirl100 said:

Why does OP have a need to put "family" in quotes? Is there a question that the child is not family wrt the mom? Or is the kid just supposed to be a prop in a wedding, and not really family?

I think she put it like that because originally, before the ex-wife was married, she was worried about them putting her daughter in *family* photos with out her. Insinuating that the OP was the mother.

Then the ex-wife gets married, leaves the ex-husband out of the *family* photos. Just what she was worried about.

OP, seems all very messy to me. But I feel like there needs to be some adult conversations between all of you. Like it or not, there is a child here (and perhaps more in the future) that need adults around.

easilyunamused · June 2013

Why did the OP delete her post?

AddieCake · June 2013

Because there were too many questions she didn't prepare answers for when she came up with this MUD.

Peledreamsofrain · June 2013

Post removed due to GBCK

Peledreamsofrain · June 2013

Post removed due to GBCK

LAM524 · June 2013

Peledreamsofrain said:

omgomgomg, the day has finally come that I can use my favorite scene from History Of The World!

OMg this "smile" came across my screen so big!!!!! Hysterical!!!!!

URGENT! FH EXWIFE ATTENDING THE WEDDING?!?!?

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