Fundraising weddings.....thoughts??

MobKaz · June 2013

This was in my paper today. As much as I dislike them myself, I rarely take issue with "dollar dances" if it is truly a familial/cultural tradition. But how someone will actually invent ways to recoup their financial output is beyond my comprehension!

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our family attended a wedding reception where each table had a centerpiece and an envelope asking the wedding guests to contribute toward the young couple’s life together by purchasing the centerpiece. A price tag was attached.

I’m not sure I can take it anymore. We have paid to dance with the bride and groom, waited hours for the wedding party to arrive after a 4:30 p.m. ceremony, only to be served nothing but cheese cubes and chicken wings when they finally showed up, but this one just takes the cake.

I truly wish all of these young people well, and I assume now that our children are older, we will start being invited to more weddings. Is there any way to stop this madness, or should I just send them a card with an appropriate monetary gift and make myself a nice supper instead of attending?

GENTLE READER: For decades now, Miss Manners has been trying to make the point that using weddings as fundraisers is monstrously vulgar. Your experience shows how uphill a fight that is.

You should certainly send your best wishes to anyone who invites you to a wedding. But if you suspect fundraising activity — wish lists are a pretty good indication — you should respond as you would to any charitable event: Go or not as you wish, with no contribution required if you decline.

daveANDkristen · June 2013

This is definitely a sad and classless trend. If you want to make money off your wedding decor, how about selling it after the wedding? I can't believe that some people find this sort of thing acceptable.

32daisies · June 2013

At the very least I thought it would be fundraising for a *charity* at the wedding, not just the couple. Yeesh.

tiny speck · June 2013

daveANDkristen said:

This is definitely a sad and classless trend. If you want to make money off your wedding decor, how about selling it after the wedding? I can't believe that some people find this sort of thing acceptable.

Ugh, my thoughts exactly!

Weezy56 · June 2013

Ew.

AddieCake · June 2013

Truly tasteless. I would be both put off and embarrassed for the couple who did this.

rajahmd · June 2013

That is just disgusting. And tacky as hell! Who the fuck does that?

annathy03 · June 2013

Klassy, ugh.

banana468 · June 2013

Nice!

I still don't understand why people want their family to think they're a charity.

RebeccaB88 · June 2013

What's even sadder is that these people usually have no clue how rude they're being. They truly think they have great ideas.

Seriously, people, that's what craigslist is for.

Micqs · June 2013

I dont agree with that but my fiance and I were going to do something at the wedding I saw on pinterest in which there are two cups on a table and something along the lines as whoever has the most money in the cup gets the cake to the face and use the funds towards the honey moon. If people dont want to give money thats fine with me, Im not going to require or beg anyone to do it nor was I planning on advertising it to make a big deal about it. I dont think this is tacky but we're on the fence about it, I'll probably get hounded on here for posting the idea but at least Ill get honest opinions! LOL. as for our centerpieces we are planning on either giving them to a guest seated at the table or selling them afterward. I dont agree with selling decor at the wedding and I dont agree with the dollar dance. I think its quite silly and a little rude.

Weezy56 · June 2013

Micqs said:
I dont agree with that but my fiance and I were going to do something at the wedding I saw on pinterest in which there are two cups on a table and something along the lines as whoever has the most money in the cup gets the cake to the face and use the funds towards the honey moon. If people dont want to give money thats fine with me, Im not going to require or beg anyone to do it nor was I planning on advertising it to make a big deal about it. I dont think this is tacky but we're on the fence about it, I'll probably get hounded on here for posting the idea but at least Ill get honest opinions! LOL. as for our centerpieces we are planning on either giving them to a guest seated at the table or selling them afterward. I dont agree with selling decor at the wedding and I dont agree with the dollar dance. I think its quite silly and a little rude.

I would advise against doing this. I don't see how this is any different than a dollar dance or selling decor.

daveANDkristen · June 2013

@micqs to be honest, I think this idea is similar to the dollar dance. Both are optional, but I don't feel that makes them less rude. Your guests will most likely be giving you gifts (some of which will be monetary), so if it were me I would put gift money towards the honeymoon and skip this. I also doubt you'd be likely to get more than 20 or 30 dollars out of this anyway, I know as a guest I would not want to give money to see one of you get cake smashed in their face.

Micqs · June 2013

Meh, we were playing around with it.

daveANDkristen · June 2013

Micqs said:

Meh, we were playing around with it.

I understand, just giving you my opinion. I don't care for fundraising elements of any kind for a wedding.

MuppetFan · June 2013

My best man's bride would probably think this is a great idea.

smalfrie19 · June 2013

If I wanted my guests to take home centerpieces, I would just send them home with them.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

Yeah, fundraising is fundraising. No matter how 'cutesy' someone tries to make it, it is very rude and inappropriate. Should not be done. Ever.

StPaul0102 · June 2013

Micqs said:

I dont agree with that but my fiance and I were going to do something at the wedding I saw on pinterest in which there are two cups on a table and something along the lines as whoever has the most money in the cup gets the cake to the face and use the funds towards the honey moon. If people dont want to give money thats fine with me, Im not going to require or beg anyone to do it nor was I planning on advertising it to make a big deal about it. I dont think this is tacky but we're on the fence about it, I'll probably get hounded on here for posting the idea but at least Ill get honest opinions! LOL. as for our centerpieces we are planning on either giving them to a guest seated at the table or selling them afterward. I dont agree with selling decor at the wedding and I dont agree with the dollar dance. I think its quite silly and a little rude.

I think there could be ways to do this with the ishy fundraising aspect (that probably would not raise all the much money). Couldn't you just have a ballot box with slips of paper or some sort of token system? I think there could be lots of ways to get the "game" part of it with considerably less side-eyeing. But if you're just looking for a honeymoon fundraising, I agree with previous posters, you'll likely get plenty of cash/checks for gifts on the big day. Not worth it to risk offending your friends and family!

eta: grammar

Jen4948 · June 2013

Unfortunately, Pinterest isn't a good source of wedding ideas that don't fall into the "tacky" category, and @micqs, these are two of them.

Please, don't use your wedding as a fundraiser. It just isn't cute, sweet, or even altruistic.

And cake in the face...no.

Micqs · June 2013

StPaul0102 said:

I think there could be ways to do this with the ishy fundraising aspect (that probably would not raise all the much money). Couldn't you just have a ballot box with slips of paper or some sort of token system? I think there could be lots of ways to get the "game" part of it with considerably less side-eyeing. But if you're just looking for a honeymoon fundraising, I agree with previous posters, you'll likely get plenty of cash/checks for gifts on the big day. Not worth it to risk offending your friends and family!

eta: grammar

I like this idea! Thank you !

Peledreamsofrain · June 2013

Bless you, Miss Manners. Bless you.

Kate61487 · June 2013

StageManager14 said:

If you want to smash cake in each other's faces, do it free of charge. I cannot understand this trend of begging your guests for money. It's tacky and rude, as well as incredibly entitled. It takes all I have not to walk out immediately when I see this crap at a wedding or baby shower.

ditto this.

It makes me want to keep the $100 I put in the card and instead just toss two dollars into whatever fundraiser jar they set up, b/c apparently my intended generosity was not sufficient.

AddieCake · June 2013

Micqs said:

I dont agree with that but my fiance and I were going to do something at the wedding I saw on pinterest in which there are two cups on a table and something along the lines as whoever has the most money in the cup gets the cake to the face and use the funds towards the honey moon.

Good grief.

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

@Micqs - please choose something else! There are so many fun activities to get guests engagedthat won't involve them opening their wallets and one of you covered in cake.

IMHO the cake in the face thing is really disrespectful and degrading. I just don't get it. If I were the one with cake in my face, I'd be pissed that I had cake on my face/hair/wedding dress. I also have no desire to smear cake (or any other type of food) on my FI's face. Then again, I don't think farce humor is entertaining.

wrigleyville · June 2013

Pinterest wedding ideas make me stabby. I cannot get over some of the crap I see on there. I'm consoled by the fact it's usually on boards titled things like "Someday" and "Just Need the Man", so yeah - it's usually young girls who know absolutely nothing about wedding etiquette or planning. They're in for a shock when they meet a guy and he says, "Helllllll, no," to their Barbie/Gatsby/Disney wedding.

"Monstrously vulgar" is my new favorite phrase for fundraising at weddings. I love Miss Manners.

lyndausvi · June 2013

Kate61487 said:

StageManager14 said:

If you want to smash cake in each other's faces, do it free of charge. I cannot understand this trend of begging your guests for money. It's tacky and rude, as well as incredibly entitled. It takes all I have not to walk out immediately when I see this crap at a wedding or baby shower.

ditto this.
It makes me want to keep the $100 I put in the card and instead just toss two dollars into whatever fundraiser jar they set up, b/c apparently my intended generosity was not sufficient.

Exactly.

runpipparun · June 2013

I still like my "Pass the gift cards" Snowball Dance idea instead of a Dollar Dance. At least then you're GIVING your guests something as incentive to dance.

Fundraising weddings.....thoughts??

Re: Fundraising weddings.....thoughts??

Choose Another Board

Search Boards