Bridal Showers

SueO63 · June 2013

Do Moms of the groom get invited to the showers? There have been 5 showers so far my son and future bride. The bride's mom has been to them all. I didn't know till last night that they had even had showers.

I am just a small town girl. The rules for this wedding are so above anything I have ever seen before. I am just praying I don't do the wrong thing at the wedding or reception. :-(

Jen4948 · June 2013

Wow, 5 showers? That's a lot!

It does seem odd that you as the MOG weren't invited to any of them, but the only real rules about who gets invited is that nobody should be expected to give a gift at more than one shower, and that everyone invited to any shower must be invited to the wedding, work showers being an exception.

NYCMercedes · June 2013

I recommend you ask your son about it.

LAM524 · June 2013

Awwww....OP, why are you worried about doing something wrong? If you dont mind sharing, what are the "rules?"

LAM524 · June 2013

Sleeper2013 said:

It does seem a little odd that you weren't invited to any of them, but truly you don't HAVE to be.

I had four showers and my MIL was only invited to two of them.

Asking your son about it would just be nosy, as it's really none of your business.

Curious...@Sleeper2013...why would this be nosey? Maybe there is a good explanation that would ease her mind. Maybe all 5 were thrown at work (doubtful) but who knows.

SueO63 · June 2013

First off - I would never ask my son or his bride why I was not invited to a shower. I was just wondering the rules of showers and wedding these days. All of the showers that I have attended except the Personal Showers, both mothers were included. Again, I come from a Large family but small town setting. I will be very honest, I feel very left out of the wedding plans. I know that I do not have the right to be in the planning at all because I am the MOG. Those feelings will never be shown to my son or his bride. NEVER!! I KNOW I HAVE NO RIGHT TO KNOW. I just need to be whereand when they want me to be that weekend.

As for rules:

I have been told so far what I am to wear to the wedding. I am very scared that my dress is not going to be exactly what they want. I have given them a picture of the dress. The MOB wants to see it on my dress before the wedding. It is to late now for me to order a new one if they do not like the choice I have made this time. The mistake I made with my first dress it was tea-length not floor length. I am plus size and cannot just walk in a store and pick something off the rack.

The restaurant where we have the rehearsal dinner planned has called me twice to tell me that the MOB is wanting making changes to the arrangments I have made. I believe that the rehearsal dinner is for the wedding party, their guest and the immediate family. Appearantly, that is not what is expected now days. I am not going to change on that, we are up to 68 people just with those already invited to the dinner. Then she became upset when she found out we are not having alcohol at the dinner. My son was aware of this before we decided on the restaurant. Our budget is very limited. The bride's family budget seems to be unlimited.

There is so much more but totally off the subject.

Thanks for your help.

32daisies · June 2013

SueO63 said:
As for rules:
I have been told so far what I am to wear to the wedding. I am very scared that my dress is not going to be exactly what they want. I have given them a picture of the dress. The MOB wants to see it on my dress before the wedding. It is to late now for me to order a new one if they do not like the choice I have made this time. The mistake I made with my first dress it was tea-length not floor length. I am plus size and cannot just walk in a store and pick something off the rack.

**hugs** I hear you on that last part.

When my FMIL asked me what she should wear to the wedding, I said, "Well, white would be confusing, I guess, but otherwise you'll look great in whatever you pick!" I told her that I wouldn't dream of telling a grown woman what to wear, and that I'm sure whatever she chooses will be lovely. (She showed me her dress recently; it's very nice.) I'm not patting myself on the back -- I'm saying, that's what should have been said to *you*. I'm sure you will look very nice, in whatever you choose, and I'm sorry anyone is giving you anxiety about that.

loca4pook · June 2013

I sent my mother in law an invite. I knew she could not attend as she was outta state, but I figured it was important for her to know she was included..so yes, I DO think it's odd you weren't invited

scscott06 · June 2013

loca4pook said:

I sent my mother in law an invite. I knew she could not attend as she was outta state, but I figured it was important for her to know she was included..so yes, I DO think it's odd you weren't invited

I agree wholeheartedly! As MOH for my sister's wedding, I sent her soon to be in laws (mother and sister) an invite. It's common courtesy to include the family, unless specific instructions dictate not to!

RebeccaB88 · June 2013

@SueO63, I get the feeling that your son and FI aren't communicating much to you regarding the wedding, and maybe you aren't real happy about that? You're trying hard to be nice but it's really bothering you. Or something about it is.

MsYeck · June 2013

I would never dream of not inviting my FMIL. The oly shower I wouldn't invite parents r jaws to would be a work shower.

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

The Shower(s): It's kind of weird you're not invited to ANY of them, but not against etiquette.

The Dress: Even if the bride's mom wanted go the SUPER traditional route, the groom's mom would wait until the bride's mom picked her dress. The bride's mom would then show the groom's mom what she picked out and then the groom's mom chooses her attire (yes, she chooses her own clothes) based on the formality of what the bride's mom is wearing. There's nothing that says they can dress you up like a paper doll. Maybe tell her you'll be picking out her clothes for the rehearsal dinner (just kidding - don't do that... but it's just as ridiculous a notion).

The Rehearsal Dinner: You set the budget for events you decide to host. The MOB cannot (well, should not...sounds like she already did) invite people to your hosted event. Talk to the venue manager - let them know the situation and that you are the ONLY contact that can make ANY changes to the event. I'm sure this isn't their first rodeo with control freak MOBs. Cap your expenses if you can't afford it. My FIL's gave us a flat amount and told us who was on their essential guests and if we went over that amount of money/guest list it was up to us. Maybe consider giving your son and FDIL the amount of money that would cover what you can afford and let them figure it out. I bet MOB will pony up for her extra guests (as she should), if she knows her daughter is footing the bill because it sounds to me like she's taking advantage of you.

TheBaysideBride · June 2013

In my experience, mothers of the groom should be invited. My future MIL was invited to mine (and we planned it for a weekend that she would be in town), adn my Mom was invited to my brohter's fiance's. It's just plain common sense, considering the MOG is going to be the bride's mother soon!

The tricky part is, it's out of your son's hands. Your future daughter in law should have the common sense to add your name to the list she provided to her friends who planned it, assuming these were formal showers (i.e. not "hey girls lets get together and give the bride gifts over some pinot grigio)....

Kate61487 · June 2013

Sleeper2013 said:

I would like to point out that having a single large shower is often a regional custom. In my circles, families and friends throw their own individual small showers, and only invite from that circle of family or friends. So, if one side of a bride or grooms family doesn't plan something, well then they're not invited to any of them.

This is a good point. In my region/family there's usually a bride's family shower and a groom's family shower and both moms are invited to both. But if this bride had, say, a college friends shower, a HS friends shower, a colleague shower, etc. where the guest lists were rather small and intimate groups I can see where inviting the moms would be odd. But if the MOB was invited and it wasn't just her own close friends I, personally, think MOG should have been also.

OP - I don't think it would hurt to mention to your son that you'd like to be included in those sorts of things moving forward. Giving the bride the benefit of the doubt perhaps she asked her FI if his mom would want to come (possibly concerned it would be uncomfortable if she didn't know anyone else) and he said no?

Regardless - the MOB sounds ridiculous and you should not have to run your wardrobe by her or meet her demands for the RD. I'd mention this all to your son so he and his bride can put a stop to her behavior.

TheBaysideBride · June 2013

But Sleeper, wouldn't those throwing even those small showers as the bride for a guest list?

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