tan suits for groomsmen/formal wedding?

stephgabrielle · June 2013

My fiance and I are planning a rustic/earthy wedding in Brooklyn next summer. I really would like to eliminate black (and gray) attire from our wedding party and photos. The problem is that it's an evening wedding and our families will want to make it a bit more formal. If we put the groomsmen in tan suits, can we still put "black tie" or "black tie optional" on our invitations? In other words, is it acceptable for the groomsmen to be "less formal" than maybe some of the guests. The wedding as a whole will be formal, I just want to keep the wedding party in earthy tones. HELP!

QueerFemme · June 2013

SGGinsberg said:

My fiance and I are planning a rustic/earthy wedding in Brooklyn next summer. I really would like to eliminate black (and gray) attire from our wedding party and photos. The problem is that it's an evening wedding and our families will want to make it a bit more formal. If we put the groomsmen in tan suits, can we still put "black tie" or "black tie optional" on our invitations? In other words, is it acceptable for the groomsmen to be "less formal" than maybe some of the guests. The wedding as a whole will be formal, I just want to keep the wedding party in earthy tones. HELP!

No. First, unless you are having a truly black tie event (top shelf bar, a live band, very high end venue, etc.) you cannot dictate what people wear. It's rude to put requested attire on your invitations unless it is truly a black tie event. Rustic and earthy are not black tie décor.

Second, if you do decide to have a black tie event, your groomsmen should be in tuxedos. Tan suits would look ridiculous.

calliopeia2013 · June 2013

No, what? Tan suits are not formal, and they're certainly not black tie. If you're having a black tie wedding, your groomsmen must be in tuxes (and your bridesmaids in floor-length gowns).

What you are describing with the rustic/earthy theme is not a black tie event, and it's suuuper rude to ask your guests to go rent a tux or buy a floor-length gown if you're not providing them with a black tie-level reception.

But, given that it's an evening wedding, I would certainly assume that your guests will arrive at the wedding in semi-formal or cocktail attire, which may be what you mean by formal (men in suits, women in dressy cocktail dresses)? A lot of people misuse the word formal to just mean dressy, but it's a much more specific definition than that (and it only describes dark suits- tan suits are not formal).

AddieCake · June 2013

I am truly confused as to why you would think that would be ok. Your wedding is not black tie if your groomsmen are not in black tie as well. The fact that you consider yourselves as having a "rustic/earthy" wedding is a big clue that your wedding is not black tie. At. All.

I really wish people would educate themselves on what a black tie event is. I'm not saying that to be bitchy; I really just think more people need to look that up before they go throwing that phrase around about their events.

stephgabrielle · June 2013

I'm not sure what you found confusing. Thank you for sharing your opinion, it is helpful. But seeing as we are all most likely first-time brides, I don't have all the answers. It's nice to get opinons from other brides-to-be... but there is definitely a way to go about being helpful. Whether you include the "I'm not saying that to be bitchy"... you come off as bitchy. If you're going to help people, be nice.

stephgabrielle · June 2013

And for the record, my event IS black tie and I am very aware of what black tie is. Live band, formal venue, evening, top-shelf liquor. Was trying to make it a bit different which is why I was asking the question. I don't think there was any harm in asking, back off and be polite.

AddieCake · June 2013

SGGinsberg said:

I'm not sure what you found confusing. Thank you for sharing your opinion, it is helpful. But seeing as we are all most likely first-time brides, I don't have all the answers. It's nice to get opinons from other brides-to-be... but there is definitely a way to go about being helpful. Whether you include the "I'm not saying that to be bitchy"... you come off as bitchy. If you're going to help people, be nice.

SGGinsberg said:

And for the record, my event IS black tie and I am very aware of what black tie is. Live band, formal venue, evening, top-shelf liquor. Was trying to make it a bit different which is why I was asking the question. I don't think there was any harm in asking, back off and be polite.

But black tie means wearing TUXEDOS. Your groomsmen will look like they are in the wrong place if they don't wear them and the rest of your male guests are wearing them. A rustic wedding at a formal venue? I am really curious to see how those two concepts fit together.

Definition of RUSTIC

1

: of, relating to, or suitable for the country : rural <rusticrolling farmland>

2

a : made of the rough limbs of trees <rustic furniture>

b : finished by rusticating <a rustic joint in masonry>

3

a : characteristic of or resembling country people

b : lacking in social graces or polish

4

: appropriate to the country (as in plainness or sturdiness)<heavy rustic boots>

Does any of that say formal or black tie to you? This is a public forum, and you don't get to decide how people should post. And I am polite.

MoonlightSilver · June 2013

If you want to eliminating black from your wedding, why would you plan a black tie event? All your guests will show up in b;ack and your intentions would be ruined. I would not put the groomsmen in tan tuxes, nor would I put anything on your invites about what your guests should wear.

Peledreamsofrain · June 2013

Post removed due to GBCK

stephgabrielle · June 2013

stephgabrielle · June 2013

Don't see a point in being nasty to a perfect stranger who's seeking help.

stephgabrielle · June 2013

Thank you, very helpful comment.

STARMOON44 · June 2013

No, it isn't okay to have your groomsmen in tan at a black tie wedding, or a "black tie invited" wedding. I would go a step further, and say that tan suits aren't okay for an evening wedding that's any sort of formal- it's a day time look and they'll be silly and out of place.

banana468 · June 2013

1) You can't tell others how to post.    Keep in mind that YOUR posts are the ones that are the most out of line.

2) PPs are right.   You can't ask your wedding party to wear clothing that isn't formal/black tie to an event that is.

I will disagree with others that it's somewhat possible to have a black tie event while in a rustic venue however the decor is the only thing that could be rustic.    HOWEVER, the seating, tables, stemware, flatware, China, etc all need to be top shelf.   And by rustic, I mean a venue that has hardwood flooring, possibly a fireplace and exposed beams.    If a mason jar is involved, it's not possible to be formal.

artbyallie · June 2013

I'm wondering what the bridesmaid dresses look like if you want the groomsmen in (more casual) tan.

Also, FWIW, it is totally okay to have black-tie service and not put anything about black tie on the invitations. It's certainly not fair to expect/tell your guests to be more dressed up than the WP regardless of the overall style of your reception.

stephgabrielle · June 2013

got it, thanks for the help

QueerFemme · June 2013

SGGinsberg said:

Don't see a point in being nasty to a perfect stranger who's seeking help.

No one is being nasty. You asked (a) if your groomsmen can be in tan suits and (b) if it's ok to put "black tie" or "black tie optional" on your invitations.

The answer to both of those questions is NO. You cannot. It will look ridiculous if you are having a truly black tie event, and your wedding party isn't in black tie attire. And it's never ok to tell grown people what to wear, unless there is a venue restriction and you are actually having a black tie event.

No where in that answer is anything rude or nasty.

tan suits for groomsmen/formal wedding?

Re: tan suits for groomsmen/formal wedding?

Definition of RUSTIC

Choose Another Board

Search Boards