Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Registry and Gift Forum
Registry and Gift Forum
New Discussion
Options

Fiance thinks registries are "stupid"

kendiehickkendiehick member
First Anniversary
in Registry and Gift Forum
We live in two separate homes, have all our own things, so his thinking is, why do we need to register for dishes? We have dishes. My thoughts are likely common - I want nice dishes, *our* dishes. I'm not serving my in-laws on mix-matched, college plates when they visit.
Besides, as a guest of several weddings, I feel much better about picking out something off a registry because I know it's something they want. Not just winging it and risking they don't like/need it. I don't want to start off married life with a bunch of unnecessary things in my kitchen!
Any advice on how to explain that to him, let him know that a registry is going to happen? It's not hugely important if he's there with me, picking out items for our registry. But I believe this is something important to do. I don't want the expensive china you use once a year, I want a practical registry that includes items I will use on a regular basis.
Ideas on how to approach this with him?
Thanks in advance!
Report Reply to Post

Re: Fiance thinks registries are "stupid"

  • Options
    mc4dj13mc4dj13 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker First Anniversary
    If he is like any reasonable marrying-aged adult he should come to understand that you are blending your lives together. As beautiful as this sounds, the end results are not always the same when it comes to belongings. As you said you don't want to end up serving you family dinner on mis-matched plates.

    Explain to him that this is the one time in your lives when you can choose anything and everything you've ever wanted on your guests' dime (within reason) It also won't sit well with many older relatives and friends because it is still a very traditonal part of the modern wedding. 

    You can have him answer to those who ask "Where are you two registered?" People are so excited to know the stores you have chosen and are eager to begin shopping. People's reactions will slowly change his mind.

    My fiance asks about our registry all the time and I have him check on line for us to update it and see what people have bought. Some guys get really excited about it when they have a goal (art collection, home add-on, and entertaining) Find what your fiance loves to do and stear him towards items that will get the juices flowing. 

    Good luck!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    emeejeeayenemeejeeayen member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Explain to him that you two can either create the registry or he can spend a fluckton of time returning unwanted gifts with you after the wedding. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker whatshouldwecallweddings.tumblr.com
    Report Reply
  • Options
    erinlin25erinlin25 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    My fiance was the same way.  We had an apartment before moving, but it was a blend of me and him, which is not how I would like our home to look.  Its in storage now until we get our house in a few months, so he especially was like "why are people buying us stuff we can't use."  I had to explain (and thankfully I had his mom on my side) that this our time to start a new home with OUR things, not a mixture of yours and mine.  I also told him its a wedding aspect that was important to me, and as this is my first and only wedding I plan on having, I would like to have this experience.  He went to register with me, but I limited the trip so I did not torture him and later went back to add things he would have no desire to pick.  We kept it on the smaller end with the basics.  It also helped when I said not everyone is comfortable giving money as a gift, so if they are going to pick a gift, wouldn't you rather it be something we actually like and will use!?  As we are getting closer to the wedding and he see's that people actually want to know where we registered, he has been on board that it was a good idea.   He was excited after the shower when he actually saw teh things we picked out too.
    image

    Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • Options
    smalfrie19smalfrie19 member
    Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    So my fiance tried to tell me it wasnt necessary until i gently pointed out to him how nice it would be to uprgade our bed linens and things of that nature. He came around after that.

    Anniversary
    image
    Report Reply
  • Options
    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Tell him that he can pick some stuff out too - barware, kitchen gadgets or tools. He must have a weakness for something : ) 
                       
    Report Reply
  • Options
    courtneythesquidcourtneythesquid member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I appreciate it when people have a registry, and I always shop off of it.  If I am going to spend my money, I want to make sure that I am giving something that will actually be used and enjoyed.  It is not like you are telling anyone that they HAVE to get you something, you will only let the people who specificaly ask you (and who presumably want to shop off the registry) know about your registry. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    88beautymarked88beautymarked member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited May 2013
    My FI is in the same boat. I told him I wanted to register for a nice set of matching mixing bowls that can double as serving bowls. He gave me the eyebrow. Then I said I wanted to register for a serving set which includes a pie server and he all out threw a fit saying that we only need to register for things we absolutely need if we were to move out on our own today. I said ok, so all we need to register for is a microwave, and a washer and dryer (who registers for THAT?)  end of discussion. 

    Later I said I'll just register for stuff we need and put multiple styles of those items, for example: dinnerware, I picked out 3 styles and added it to the registry, he can pick out his favorite and that will be the one that stays on the final registry, but is not allowed to altogether remove dinnerware from the registry. Its the only way I can do it because he won't cooperate.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    88beautymarked88beautymarked member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    We went today, after much pleading and trying to get him to loosen up and relax about the whole thing. I stopped in Monday at the 3 stores we were considering registering at and made appointments so he was forced to go. The lady at BB&B was very helpful and told me that this is the one time in our lives that we get to make a wishlist and people will actually want to buy us stuff and that we only plan to get married once so make it worth it. I said this to him after I got home.

    We actually had a lot of fun with it today and we went through and he surprised me by adding things I didn't think he wanted to register for at all like a bar set.  :)
    Report Reply
  • Options
    NightingalejulesNightingalejules member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    My fiance actually warmed up to it, too, when we started looking at items. Of course part of that is that the little selector "gun" was fun to play with at Macy's.

    We both felt a little weird about registering, since we really do have everything we "need" for our home. Fortunately, about a week after we announced our engagement, some of the older family members started asking "so, where are you registered?" (and they asked HIM, so he knew it needed to be done, no matter how he felt about it!)
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards