Bridesmaid dress shopping

yellowdaisies84 · June 2013

Hello,

I am a bridesmaid for a bride who is going through her checklist very early- she hasn't hit the one-year mark away from her wedding yet but she already has most of her wedding planning finished, ordered, organized, made to go. She has been asking her bridesmaids for a while now about going dress shopping soon for bridesmaid dresses. She wants to go soon because she feels that the best time to go is in the same season that she is getting married in. So, she is getting married next June and wants us to go dress shopping this June (approx) because she feels that the right colours and styles will be available. When she came bridesmaid dress shopping for my wedding she commented that we should have gone last fall because I'm getting married in the fall and it was hard to find fall colours in the spring. She has just recently sent a facebook message to all of her bridesmaids again to find out what we want to do for dresses and to have us pick a day that we can all go dress shopping soon. She also wants us to find stores and dresses to suggest to each other if we can. She wants us to all let her know our ideas.

I haven't responded to her message yet, and I feel bad to keep her waiting but I don't know what to say. I don't have any suggestions on stores that we can go to just yet and I haven't been looking at dresses. It feels so early. I'm really busy right now with wedding planning and lots of summer plans coming up, I feel so selfish saying this but I wish that she was willing to wait until the fall to start worrying about this. Then I could focus on this after all of my own wedding craziness is over. Of course, that is so selfish of me to think that way- but I have a lot of things that really do need to get done now and it's hard to stay on top of it all, and after our wedding is over there will still be 9 months to go until her wedding.

Is it okay for me to just not respond to her message? Only one other bridesmaid responded just to say that she was in for a shopping day. The others haven't responded either. I don't want to be rude or hurt her feelings by saying anything about how early it is. She would disagree anyway and it's her choice. Maybe I should just wait and see and if they want to plan a shopping day just be honest about my schedule and if they can do it on one of the rare weekends I'm free over the next little while then go with them? I'd actually be okay if they went without me and then let me know the ordering info for any dress that they end up finding but I'm sure the bride would really want us all to go together.

What do you guys think?

wrigleyville · June 2013

I think you should say just that. Let her know you're up for meeting everyone for shopping, but between your job and planning and such, you haven't had much time to look at dresses and that you really aren't picky and you're sure whatever they pick will be lovely. Say that if you can make it to their agreed-upon date, you'll be happy to join them and try dresses on, and if you can't make it, to please send you the style number, color, etc so you can order at the same time (which helps ensure the same dye lot).

If the bride is super into you all getting together for a "Girls Day" to do this, you might have some drama ahead of you, but if she's a cool friend, she'll understand. Getting a note like that wouldn't bother me at all. I'd just give my BM the date, and if she couldn't make it, I'd let her know what we picked and leave it up to her to order it on-time.

STARMOON44 · June 2013

I think you just respond with "I'm so excited about the wedding! I don't have any ideas of where to go, but I'm open to any style. I'd like to keep the budget under $xxx. I'm busy mist weekends this summer, so I'll try to make a shopping trip if I can, if not you should feel free to go without me. I'm looking forward to a girls day this fall".

NYCMercedes · June 2013

It's too early, as you know. Stores will have spring dresses in starting next January, unless you are going to a non-bridal store such as Macy's. Tell her that now bridal shops are carrying dresses for fall weddings.

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

Definitely respond to her. I have a BM who is a chronic non-responder (FSIL) and it's really annoying. But I'd be honest when you respond that you haven't had time to look at stores. I'd be really clear about your budget also.

I love Ann Taylor for BM dresses (there are some good Spring colors on sale right now). Check it out to see if it fits your budget. Honestly, since Spring colors are technically out of season (for weddings), you might be able to get something on sale. She is who she is, so I'd use it to your advantage!

SomethingBeautiful08 · June 2013

Do email back and tell her basically what you told us. If she is any sort of good friend she will understand what you are going through and work with you.

freebread03 · June 2013

Ditto PPs; if her wedding is in the summer and you're shopping in the summer, you won't find summer dresses. Look late fall, early winter, for dresses 1-2 seasons in advance. Or find something universal like AT or JCrew. Mostly, make sure to suggest your budget now before things get out of hand.

courtneythesquid · June 2013

I would respond with your schedule for the shopping day, but I wouldn't worry if you have not been spending a lot of time looking at dress styles online, because (1) everyone loves the easygoing girl who is open/ willing to wear anything, and (2) it sounds to me like this bride is a super planner, and she probably has a pretty good idea what she wants. She is asking for input, but I'll bet she already has her vision down pat!

Xstatic3333 · June 2013

I think a kind but honest response is better than a non-response.

The quick, breezy responses that PP's have suggested are great, and I also agree that this is a great time to establish your budget. You could also try:

"Hi bride! I was researching dress ideas on this great message board, and I learned that the summer styles actually won't be in salons until winter! Who knew!? Guess we have plenty of time to brainstorm! I'll be sure to get on it when things quiet down for me in the fall."

Bridesmaid dress shopping

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