Kids Question

aphrodite0869 · June 2013

My fiancee and I were looking over our list and discovered that for just his family, we would have 105 people, 60 of those being children. We decided that children would not be a good idea due to budget and venue issues plus we will have alcohol and want people to have fun without having to run after children. We have four children between us who are actually going ot be in the wedding. Is it ok to have "Adults only please" with my invites but have our own children there?
Thanks

misshart00 · June 2013

Just address invitations to only those invited. It's not polite to put adults only because it says who is not invited.

yellowdaisies84 · June 2013

Don't put Adults Only Please on your invites. However, yes it is definitely okay to not invite any kids except for your own in the wedding party. Spread the news word of mouth that you are not inviting kids through your close friends and family. Address the invitation to only the parents and phone anyone who RSVPs back that their children are coming. Let them know (politely) that due to budget constraints you are not inviting any children to the wedding outside of the wedding party and you are sorry that you aren't able to include them- but you really hope that Mr. and Mrs understand and can still make it because you can't wait to celebrate with them.

Kate61487 · June 2013

What they said ^. Your proposed guest list is fine (only WP kids). Putting 'adults only' is not.

StephJean83 · June 2013

I will say a childless adult I find it offensive if I see "Adult Only Reception" and than see a couple kids, even if they are immediate family, at the reception. I don't care/notice if there aren't kids there if they don't make mention of it on the invite/website. Like PPs said, address it to who is invited and leave off kids. We will only have family kids and kids in the WP at the wedding. Yes, some people might be mad, but our guest list without adding in our friends' kids is already reaching the 400 mark and I really want to get it around 300.

aphrodite0869 · June 2013

Thank you all very much. This helps a lot because I was totally lost on how to address this issue.

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

No problem with only having the kids in the wedding party at your wedding. Steer clear of putting "adults only" on the invite, though. Why? Because it's kind of condescending and "in your face" - like addressing the invitation to only the parents wasn't enough and you need to shout it loud and clear like "I'm assuming you don't know anything about etiquette so I'm making sure you know your kids aren't welcome." There are nicer ways.

If you want to reiterate outside of just addressing the envelope to "Mr. and Mrs. Parents", print on your RSVP cards "Name(s) _________ / ____ # attending / ____ # decline" - this a good way to know if people think their kids are invited despite the envelope. That's when you can let them know what's up. "2 seats have been reserved in your honor" is another good one.

Kate61487 · June 2013

aphrodite0869 said:

My fiancee and I were looking over our list and discovered that for just his family, we would have 105 people, 60 of those being children. We decided that children would not be a good idea due to budget and venue issues plus we will have alcohol and want people to have fun without having to run after children. We have four children between us who are actually going ot be in the wedding. Is it ok to have "Adults only please" with my invites but have our own children there?
Thanks

Oh, also - if anyone does ask why their kid isn't invited (which is rude of them, but it happens), DON'T give the bolded as an answer. You can be vague with "we're keeping it small" or "unfortunately we're only able to accommodate children in the wedding party".

Many people (H's family, for example) have alcohol at every family event, the kids have only accidentally gotten drunk a few times (kidding). And a lot of parents don't mind 'running after them' (or the kids are well behaved and don't need to be run after). So those sorts of comments are likely to irritate people more than not inviting their children in the first place.

harper0813 · June 2013

Don't put "adults only" on the invitation. When I was 3 years old, my parents received an invitation to my cousin's wedding that said exactly that and they brought me BECAUSE of it. And many other relatives brought theirs. It was rude or my parents to do that, yes. But rude invitations can make rude guests.

Just don't address the invitation to the children, and if your guests RSVP with children, just call to explain that unfortunately you cannot accommodate them and you hope they can still make it.

Jen4948 · June 2013

I definitely would not put "adults only" on an invitation, because that's rude-especially when your own children will be there.

The only correct way to deal with this is just to list only the persons you're actually inviting on the invitation envelope, and call anyone who RSVPs with children and explain that their children can't be accommodated. Hopefully they will get it without making drama queens of themselves.

lringue · June 2013

Im having 3 kids in the wedding party and they are going to the reception for dinner and a dance or 2 then going to my sisters inlaws for the night. My sister is the MOH and the kids are hers they are very close to me and i wouldnt dream of not having them there. I put on my wedding website adult only reception and addressed the invites to only the people in the household that i want to go. I didnt leave it open like smith family or smith household.

ridedatbike · June 2013

am i the only person who doesnt get the problem with drinking in front of kids? my parents and every other family ive ever known does it. I do it to and I have lots of fun while staying completely attentive to my child...anyway agree with pps on everything else.

Kate61487 · June 2013

ridedatbike said:

am i the only person who doesnt get the problem with drinking in front of kids? my parents and every other family ive ever known does it. I do it to and I have lots of fun while staying completely attentive to my child...anyway agree with pps on everything else.

I'm with you. Growing up it wasn't around a lot b/c my mom's allergic and my dad only drinks socially. But every year we had a memorial day BBQ with coolers and coolers full of beer. As an adult pretty much every family function on H's side involves alcohol. Every BBQ, b-day party, etc. And not just beer but spiritus soaked cherries, vodka lemonade slushies, spiritus chocolate pudding shots. No one drives drunk (especially not with kids), but frequently both parents are drinking b/c they're at their own home or within walking distance.

aphrodite0869 · June 2013

Our problem is that there will be more kids than adults...just on his side. We are paying for it ourselves and just his family and all their kids are 105 people...doesn't even include my family or wedding party. It was just a thought to put on there because I was so lost.

AJuliaNJ · June 2013

I have a feeling with that many kids you are going to have a lot of trouble keeping them out. Good luck. One thing I've learned from planning an adult only wedding is how entitled some people are when it comes to their kids. I can see how you would want to specify adults only on the invites. However, like PP's said it is rude to state who isn't invited. I doubt it would do much to deter people who feel their precious children should be invited anyway.

aphrodite0869 · June 2013

I agree. Most of his family and friends do a lot of things without their kids or have week on week off visitation so I'm hoping it won't be a big deal and they will understand. We have only budgeted for 100 people and I don't want some people to not be able to attend because of all the children. If they feel that way they just won't be able to come and maybe if we have a lot of seats left we can ask people if they feel they absolutely have to bring their children.

allispain · June 2013

Either they will come without the kids or they will decline since they can't bring them. Expect a slightly higher decline rate. Expect people to RSVP with kids included and plan what you will tell them when you call (good suggestions above). Definitely do not say anything about "no kids due to budget" or give any other excuse - that's none of their business and they will simply be encouraged to try to work around it somehow.

If some of these people are OOT, include information on local babysitters on your website, if you would like, though this is optional.

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