It finally happened, someone tried to invite themselves to the wedding.

keochan · June 2013

Me and the FI have been engaged for a little over 6 months, but there's still over a year until the wedding (I don't graduate until May and we want to save as we're paying about 90%) We've been pretty quiet about wedding planning for the most except with a another couple friend who are getting married about 3 months before us. We're currently agreed on a guest list of no more than 75 (62 of the invites are family) and are in agreement about who's on that list, with room for SO's and a bit of wiggle room.

So yesterday at work one of my FI's coworkers, let's call him Anthony, came up to FI and said, rudely(and aggressively if FI's impression is anything to go by), "So you're inviting me to your wedding right?" Quick background on this guy (I've only met him once and that's all I ever need) he is at the same level as my FI, yet he likes to act as though he is in a supervisor position, distracts other workers, and is very demeaning to the female employees, including their supervisor, who my FI keeps telling to stand up to him. I don't want this guy at my wedding, neither does FI. FI tried to calmly explain, the guest list hasn't been finalized, and that we're having a small wedding and unfortunately won't be able to have everyone we want attend. 'Anthony' then says "Well, that's kinda rude, you're inviting the whole team aren't you?" His team is over 20 people, more than half of whom are married or in a relationship. FI said again that the guest list wasn't finalized and bean dipped him (so proud) but called me as soon as he got off work to tell me about it.

Now, we are inviting a few of FI's coworker, including his supervisor, who he sees as a sort of 2nd mom, and another woman and her husband. But these are people FI is close with, we go to their kid's birthday parties and will get drinks and lunch together. Now FI is worried about when invites go out (which isn't for forever) what Anthony will say. I told him not to worry about it cause he'll probably get either transferred or fired before then.

Just thought I'd share, I'm honestly surprised this is the first time I've had anything like this come up!

tammym1001 · June 2013

That guy sounds like a jerk!

I had a woman ask me about being invited to the wedding and I told her we were only inviting about 20 people. She then proceeded to tell me that she knew at least 20 people that needed to be there so how could we only have that many? So yeah not only did she invite herself, but 20 other people too.

harper0813 · June 2013

Oh that is so frustrating. That guy sounds like a real jerk and I'm glad your FI handled the situation with such finesse.

I have coworkers that are hoping for invitations too, but they've only hinted at it by joking around. I've only been at my job 6 months and started after we were engaged, so I haven't included any of my coworkers on the list, though it's a little disappointing. I do plan on bringing cupcakes for them when I come back from our wedding.

FI has one pushy coworker, however, that refuses to answer work-related calls whenever he tries to beandip her. I'm working on keeping her off our guest list because he'd only be enabling her rude behavior and setting up for future pushiness. Plus, she'd be the only coworker of his attending the wedding thy wasn't our age (she's our parents' age) so she'd end up looking/feeling foolish.

It helps that our wedding is in another state!

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

To your tactful FI and his flawless bean dipping:

keochan · June 2013

Yeah, I'm super proud of him, he's definitely the more tactful of the two of us. wow @tammym1001 I don't know how I would have responded that, probably with eyebrows up and mouth hanging open at the rudeness. Wow, @zoberg that is really pushy, she won't work? That's insane.

yellowdaisies84 · June 2013

zoberg said:

Oh that is so frustrating. That guy sounds like a real jerk and I'm glad your FI handled the situation with such finesse. I have coworkers that are hoping for invitations too, but they've only hinted at it by joking around. I've only been at my job 6 months and started after we were engaged, so I haven't included any of my coworkers on the list, though it's a little disappointing. I do plan on bringing cupcakes for them when I come back from our wedding. FI has one pushy coworker, however, that refuses to answer work-related calls whenever he tries to beandip her. I'm working on keeping her off our guest list because he'd only be enabling her rude behavior and setting up for future pushiness. Plus, she'd be the only coworker of his attending the wedding thy wasn't our age (she's our parents' age) so she'd end up looking/feeling foolish. It helps that our wedding is in another state!

That is really sweet of you. I think it's always easiest for brides who opt to not invite any co-workers. Inviting just one or just some can be so complicated and tricky. I think we're (as brides) also sensitive about people joking around about being invited- or anything wedding-related. Sometimes people really are just joking because they know you're not inviting co-workers so they are meaning to come across as funny but don't realize that we take what they say to heart and worry about their feelings.

StephJean83 · June 2013

I also applaud your FI for bean dipping him. I am always amazed at the blantant lack of respect of people in regards to weddings. FI and I were at his mom's church a couple weeks ago and one of FH's former classmates asked us wedding stuff when he introduced me as his fiancée. I walked out of church and said to FH if we have to invite her and her H, he has to cut 2 others from his list since she isn't even on the possible invite list.

FMIL did a good job bean dipping the pastor at their church about us not having the wedding there. I feel bad we aren't having it there but I want the ceremony and reception close together location wise vs 45 min drive in between them.

lyndsay782 · June 2013

I have had people inviting themselves since the engagement. It stinks. You feel like a jerk sometimes. Then there are people like that coworker. I have one of those that is in my loose outer circle. Him and his wife show up to events say 4-5 words, and try to take whatever leftover food is there. He came up to me at the last event we were both at and said "i can't wait until your wedding. I know you haven't sent out invitations yet, but I expect to get one, and plan on taking home all the leftovers."

Dead serious. We have another woman like that who will be coming with my MOH, since her husband freaks out in large groups (unless he's allowed copious amounts of alcohol). Am I thrilled that a person I can barely tolerate will be at my wedding? No, but I probably won't notice her, and I'll give the reception coordinator a heads up on who leftovers go home with (that would be my FMIL, since she lives with us, and will need something to eat while we're gone).

StephJean83 · June 2013

@lyndsay782, I am surprised your venue let's you take leftover food. Only one venue would allow us to take any dinners home that went unused and they are a restaurant so they could pass it off like someone taking their uneaten dinner home in a doggie bag. For the most part though, in WI you can't take leftover food from weddings.

misshart00 · June 2013

This is not a snarky question. I'm really curious. I see on here a lot that venues won't let you take extra home due to reheating and food poisoning issues. How is that different from you taking your leftovers from a restaurant?

lyndsay782 · June 2013

@StephJean83

Our venue isn't providing the food. We are more or less self catering. It's just appetizers and cake (it's in between lunch/dinner), so I don't imagine there will be much, but if there is, it goes to FMIL.

Our venue is just the community hall that belongs to our HOA, so it's not fancy enough to provide a vendor. But, it's free, big enough to hold our guests, has a kitchen and it's air conditioned. That's really all I need.

keochan · June 2013

@misshart we're having outside catering and they allow us to take the extra home with us.

misshart00 · June 2013

keochan said:
@misshart we're having outside catering and they allow us to take the extra home with us.

I understand that. Which I think is awesome btw. But I see on here all the time that caterers won't let you take extra food home and I just don't get it.

lyndsay782 · June 2013

misshart00 said:

@misshart we're having outside catering and they allow us to take the extra home with us.
I understand that. Which I think is awesome btw. But I see on here all the time that caterers won't let you take extra food home and I just don't get it.

Me either. If you pay for it, it should be yours to decide. Your baker doesn't get to keep extra cake, so why should the caterer keep his extra food.

StephJean83 · June 2013

@lyndsay782, I understand that now. I know at least in WI if you have a licensed caterer you can't take the food with you, but it is relatively new that they made it a law because when my friend was able to take home the leftovers at her wedding 10 years ago.

@misshart00, I really don't know the reasoning why other than if the food is prepared off site of the wedding venue and foodbourn diseases are easier to grow on food that is constantly cold and heated and cooled and heated again, at least if I remember Home-Ec correctly from high school.

tammym1001 · June 2013

keochan said:

Yeah, I'm super proud of him, he's definitely the more tactful of the two of us. wow @tammym1001 I don't know how I would have responded that, probably with eyebrows up and mouth hanging open at the rudeness. Wow, @zoberg that is really pushy, she won't work? That's insane.

I just laughed like she must have been joking even though I knew she wasn't and I changed the subject.

LAM524 · June 2013

lyndsay782 said:

misshart00 said:

@misshart we're having outside catering and they allow us to take the extra home with us.
I understand that. Which I think is awesome btw. But I see on here all the time that caterers won't let you take extra food home and I just don't get it.

Me either. If you pay for it, it should be yours to decide. Your baker doesn't get to keep extra cake, so why should the caterer keep his extra food.

Maybe I can add a little insight. I dont know if all caterers do this (and I think its disgusting) but for the last 2 Christmas dinner theaters we hosted at church, the 2 different caterers took the leftovers with them. BOTH said they "freeze" the food and REUSE it. Ugh...I want to vomit now!! (Our food ministry leader asked because we feed the homeless and thought it a good idea so the Xmas leftovers would not go to waste).

The ironic thing for us was, we didnt re-hire the 1st caterer because we didnt want our guests to get served possible left overs from some random job the caterer had! For this years theater...leftovers will be their 1st question when hiring a caterer!

rajahmd · June 2013

Oddly enough, the only people who have tried to invite themselves are some of FI's sister's high school friends. I think they just want to annoy FI on his wedding day, since they've known him kost of their lives. Too bad for them I don't put up with that shit and shut them down real quick. One girl even tried to say she was going to be FSIL's guest, instead of her boyfriend. Nope, not happening.

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

misshart00 said:

@misshart we're having outside catering and they allow us to take the extra home with us.
I understand that. Which I think is awesome btw. But I see on here all the time that caterers won't let you take extra food home and I just don't get it.

I think it has to do with liability for food borne illnesses that are more likely when food is left out for hours (i.e. 3 hours after dinner is over at the reception) and then reheated. It seems logical that if people choose to take the food home and eat it, they're responsible, but people sue over stupid stuff (e.g. hot coffee from McD's...DUH; Anheuser-Busch got sued with one of their bottles was used in a bar fight) and it's not worth it for catering companies to mess around with it. I agree it's silly, but this is an unfortunate result of people abusing the legal system with frivolous lawsuits.

chaiteachick · June 2013

"Bean-dipped him." I love it!!! xD

We've been engaged for less than a month and already have people trying to invite themselves, all over the place. I had someone try to invite themselves on the comments section of our "upgraded facebook status."

I'm happy for you that this is the first one, though.

It finally happened, someone tried to invite themselves to the wedding.

Re: It finally happened, someone tried to invite themselves to the wedding.

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