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momzilla

lringuelringue member
Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

My mom is trying to take over my wedding forgeting its mine not hers. She pkans on micr managing the vendors the day of and said "I want to make sure everything is the way I want it" I tried to tell her not to worry and they know what they are doing. Then she replys "I just want everything perfect" this i can understand what mother wouldnt. I told her the only thing i care about is for everyone/her to be able to enjoy they day and spen time with family and friends. not to sweat the small stuff. Then she got mad at me! There has been a ton of other things that puts her to be titeled momzilla but i wont go on. What more can i do to get her to back off a bit? My wedding is in 9 days.

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Re: momzilla

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Is she paying for any of it?  If so, she does get a say in what she's paying for.

    Otherwise, warn your vendors not to take orders from your mother, and consider minimizing wedding talk around her so she has less to "micromanage."
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  • lringuelringue member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    Thanks ill go with that Harry87. Jen my dad paying for it some of itt he venue and food and has told me he doesnt care what anyone thinks it my wedding and ill get what i want my sister got the wedding she wated and ill get the same.Me andFI are covering dec.(this is what my mom obsesses abut) officiant, cake/dessert table, dj. I think its my moms appoach hat bothers me the most If its not what she sugg. then she will flip out and start to cry and make me feel bad. Ive posted for other things about this table seating, my brothers role as usher alco. which we were going to pay for she didnt wat open bar and she did have good points but it was our money going to it.She wanted to pick what kinds of beer was being serve she doesnt even drink and he got mad i asked my sister to go over it. ok sorry i sai i wanst going to go on about all the other things. People hink my fi exaggerates when he say ses crazy and hes not im not a professional but i really think shes bipolar.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Learn to stand firm even when she flips out and only respond nondefensively:

    "I'm sorry you feel that way, Mom."
    "I'm sure that's how you see it."
    "Thanks for letting me know."

    But without making any changes.  Assuming there isn't any physical issue triggering her meltdowns, as long as you don't respond to her by getting defensive in any way, hopefully she'll come to realize that throwing temper tantrums and fits isn't going to work.
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  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Can you sit her down and tell her that you feel like this? 
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    I'm sorry you're going through this, especially because it sounds like it's taking your focus away from the wedding that's only 9 days away. Unfortunately, whether you talk to your mom or not, she's probably going to be overwhelming and controlling the day of. Sounds to me like she has her mind set on it. If you had more time I'd tell you to start working on her, but with only 9 days to go I doubt she'll change her approach and it might start issues that turn into a bigger headache.

    Breathe. If you can find it within you to let it go and focus on your fiance and your first day as husband and wife, I would highly recommend it. I'm sure he knows about this issue - tell him to help keep you relaxed and happy the day of. Ask him to squeeze your hand if he sees you getting uptight to remind you to take a deep breath...or something like that.
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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    scribe95 said:
    I seriously can't read your post. I tried. Punctuation, proper spelling and good grammar are your friends.

    ditto this.  in particular please stop randomly abbreviating words.  "dec" means December.  "sugg" and "alco" and not words at all.  It will make your posts much easier to understand and you'll get more valuable feedback.

     

    I think your approach needs to be two fold:  1) call up all your vendors and let them know that you have an overbearing mother and they are NOT to change any plans because of anything she says.  2) ignore it all on the day of.  You will be getting married to the man you love.  Your guests will have delicious food and drinks and have a lovely time.  Does it really matter if your mother changes some of the decorations? 

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  • lringuelringue member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    Kate61487 thanks for the abbreviating correction. I felt like the other post from scribe95 was a bit rude. Once i start typing my hands cant keep up with my thoughts and things get all over the place. Im also a really bad typer (2 finger kind). I did take your advice on calling the vendors. It doesnt really matter about her wanting to get involved and tryin to change things its her meaness and approach towards it that bothers me.
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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    lringue said:
    Kate61487 thanks for the abbreviating correction. I felt like the other post from scribe95 was a bit rude. Once i start typing my hands cant keep up with my thoughts and things get all over the place. Im also a really bad typer (2 finger kind). I did take your advice on calling the vendors. It doesnt really matter about her wanting to get involved and tryin to change things its her meaness and approach towards it that bothers me.

    no problem; it took me a few times through to realize that dec was probably supposed to mean décor/decorations. Always good to re-read :-)

    Is your mom always really abrupt and mean when making recommendations or is this a new wedding behavior?  Do you have the kind of relationship where you could say "mom, you're really stressing me out.  The details are set, please stop trying to change things" and she'd actually listen? If so, it's worth a shot.  But if her behavior doesn't change you'll just have to rise above and try to let it roll off your back.

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  • lringuelringue member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    Its her normal behavior just a bit worse because with other things I just let it go but because its my wedding Im standing my ground more than shes use to. I just dont want her getting stress over small stuff and getting sick.
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  • Sierra524Sierra524 member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Are you her only daughter? I only ask because I am the only daughter and my mom was being a momzilla also. I had to talk with her and let her know that I appreciate all of her advice but ultimately, it comes down to what FI and I really want.

    It's easy for mothers to get overly excited during a wedding. Keep in mind that she only wants the day to be perfect for you.
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  • lringuelringue member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    no i have an older sister who had gon through this also but over different stuff like my mom was upset at the cake topper my sister wanted.
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