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Another "no kids" thread..

Angeles61Angeles61 member
10 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

I've been a major lurker. I figured it was only a matter of time before I needed your help. ;)

My fiance and I have decided we don't want kids at our wedding. Our venue only allows 125 people, children take up seats, and my FH has a huge huge family. I have a bridesmaid who I am good friends with. She lives about 5 hours away from where our wedding will be. I just found out she's pregnant, and will have the baby in January. I'm really happy for her, and this is really douchey of me, but I did think about what that meant for our "childless" wedding. I had spoken to my friends with kids that would be attending, and all was well. Obviously my response to her being pregnant couldn't be "ohh by the way, you can't bring your baby."

She will be breast feeding, I'm sure. I can't not allow her to bring her baby. My problem is that she is married to a man who had a son before they were married. How do I allow the baby to come - but not her 5/6 year old stepson? I just can't give up a seat to a kid when we're not even allowing our neices and nephews.

I'm having a really hard time with this. I want her there, but I also specifically didn't want babies crying at the ceremony..
So, really, what are my options here?

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Re: Another "no kids" thread..

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Unfortunately, about the only option is to let her bring her baby and stepson.  You can't unask her to be a bridesmaid, and if she can't bring them, she probably won't be able to come at all.

    Yes, it sucks.  But I don't see that there's anything else you can do.
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Ditto PP. The rationale is...you're right, you can't *NOT* allow her to bring a breast-fed baby. And you can't invite one child in a family without inviting the others.

    You could stress to her that her step-son will be the ONLY child there. That might encourage her and her DH to leave him with family that weekend. Or the husband may not come at all and stay home with the baby and the other kid and pumped breast milk and your BM may decide to duck out early.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm going against the grain completely.
    I think it's fine to have the baby there to breastfeed without having to invite the other kid.
    Will the 6 year old be upset that the baby gets to go with daddy and (step) mommy? Probably, but siblings can't always go to the same places together. That's life.
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  • 32daisies32daisies member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I understand why this is a tough one, because you've also got to consider the other family members, nieces and nephews you've talked to about there being no kids, and how they might be offended. We had a situation like this in our family once, where everyone was told "no kids!" and complied... only to get there and find out exceptions had been made for *other* people. It was hurtful, right or wrong.

    That's why I say, talk to your BM. If she's in your wedding party, she's your friend, right? You can talk to your friend. Of course she'll be bringing the baby, that's kind of a given. But what would their plans have been about his son before this? Maybe they still want to go with that. You might be worrying for nothing. And if not, if she's your friend, at the least you can talk to her. If I were the BM, I'd want to know the whole quandry, again, because I would hate to think that I'd caused my friend any angst. YMMV, but I think it always helps to talk.
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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper

    I would also just talk with the BM.  Presumably she knew it was no kids and had already made a plan, or at least thought about, what her stepson would be doing.

    I'd probably approach it as "hey I know you're aware we're doing a no kids wedding, but if you want/need to bring baby I totally understand / support that"  I feel like it sort of subtly implies you're not really intending for the 6yo to come unless she outright asks.

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