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Bridesmaid owes my MOH money for shower - how to handle?

TheBaysideBrideTheBaysideBride member
250 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary
edited June 2013 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi - my shower was in April -  about 50 women, hosted by my MOH, and the BM who lives in the great apartment. They had it catered, bartender, etc, I was really special. Three of the other four BMs brough cash or checks to cover their portion of what they owed the two BMs who planned it. My brother's FI is a BM, and she told my MOH "he'll send you a check." After two reminders from MOH the check has never arrived. My MOH and talked about it this a.m. - I'm ready to call my brother, but also kind of want to stay out of it. Should she email both my brother and the BM? Advice is appreciated!!
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Re: Bridesmaid owes my MOH money for shower - how to handle?

  • misshart00misshart00 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I think stay out of it.

    But did your MOH ask for budgets before she planned the shower, or did she just plan it and bill the bridesmaids? If the latter (which it sounds like since you said only two BMs planned the wedding), then she may not be able to afford it.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    I would stay completely out of it. 
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  • TheBaysideBrideTheBaysideBride member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary

    Hi - MOH asked everyone ahead of time, and paid for a lot it it herself.

     I will stay out of it!!!

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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I kinda havs to side with Retread here.  Its all about how it originally went down.  If  the BM agreed to the amount ahead of time, leave it alone and let them handle it.  
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  • TheBaysideBrideTheBaysideBride member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary

    Hi, Retread, agree, but that's not what happened. Everyone agreed on the cost, and then did nothing to help plan it. They didn't even come early to help set up - MOH and the original BM did everything for it, and were very upfront about their ideas and costs. In addition to agreeing to pay, my brother and his FI are loaded, so it's not a question of cost, they're inconsiderate and forgetful. Brother is the type who still, in his 30s, asks me to put his name on presents for our parents becasue he never buys them intime. He makes about 5x what I do, but I end up spending the money because he never pays me back....

    The only etiquette breach here was on the BM's part who hasn't paid, the other two were inclusive and communicative, and very generous w/ their own time and money.

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  • SJM7538SJM7538 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    If everyone agreed on the cost and the plan then she needs to send her a check or give her cash. I think you staying out of it all depends on your relationship with your brother and his fiance. I would have no problem talking to my brother about this, but then again we are close and communicate fairly well. Your MOH should also have collected the money before hand to avoid this, but that ship has sailed.

     

    On an unrelated note - your brother and his FI's finances shouldn't even come into play here. Its noones business but their own how much money they have and what they do with it. She agreed to pay so she needs to pay.

     

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  • tammym1001tammym1001 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers

    Since the bridesmaid agreed to it then she should be sending a check. Normally I would suggest staying out of it since you didn't plan the party, but since you say your brother has a habit of doing this you could give the BM a call and mention to her nicely that she forgot to send a check to MOH. I would leave your brother out of it. If I owed someone money and they went to my FI for it I would be pissed. Just be careful not to make it sound like your MOH is complaining about her because that could cause problems between them.

    Also, I wouldn't use e-mail in a situation like this because the tone of e-mails is very often misconstrued.

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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    tammym1001 said:

    Since the bridesmaid agreed to it then she should be sending a check. Normally I would suggest staying out of it since you didn't plan the party, but since you say your brother has a habit of doing this you could give the BM a call and mention to her nicely that she forgot to send a check to MOH. I would leave your brother out of it. If I owed someone money and they went to my FI for it I would be pissed. Just be careful not to make it sound like your MOH is complaining about her because that could cause problems between them.

    Also, I wouldn't use e-mail in a situation like this because the tone of e-mails is very often misconstrued.

    meh, if it's HIS relative (or even friend) I wouldn't be irritated by someone mentioning it to H.  I think that just depends on the relationship and dynamic.

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  • TheBaysideBrideTheBaysideBride member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary
    very good points - I'll see if she has any success w/ her outreach today. Unfortunately she couldn't collect it beforehand bc she lives out of state and all the girls said they "bring it to the event!" of course. And since this BM showed up well into the shower, and my MOH was helping me wiht the gifts at that point, she couldn't stop and say, "show me the money!"" although in retrospect, that might have been our best route :)
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