Sneaking your kids in? Really?

chelseavranich · June 2013

I usually don't post things but this involves a short rant as well.

First of all, apparently no one understands how to put their initials in the box and send the reply card back in a timely fashion. I can't even tell you how many people I have had to call, text, email, facebook to get a food order or a confirmation that they are coming.

The real reason for this post is how to tactfully explain to a guest that only they were invited, not their children. The invite was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. and they decided on their reply card to write in their two kids who are 16 and 12. I do have other kids coming to the wedding, but they are all under the age of 10. Is there any way to tell them that the kids weren't invited? Or do I just let it slide?

Summer2011Bride · June 2013

Call them and say, 'Sorry for the misunderstanding, but the invitation is only for you and your husband/wife. We're looking forward to seeing you there." Don't say anything about which kids WILL be there or your reason for not inviting the kids, etc. Be prepared to stand your ground if they threaten to not attend without their kids.

SomethingBeautiful08 · June 2013

Will letting this one slide cause an onslaught of kids you don't want? Are these children that you suspect will cause extra drama at your wedding? Will paying for their extra plate cause you financial drama? You are well within your rights to call them up as other have suggested, but if you are purely, though rightfully pissed off because they added extras, calm down, talk to FH and make a decision from there.

misssunshine17 · June 2013

Why are kids under ten invited? If there is a clear cutoff, then I think you're clear. If it's at all random, they I think they have a reason to be irritated. Not that I think adding them is cool.

KittenTrumper · June 2013

Yeah, why are you letting some kids come and not others? Normally the cut off goes the other way. I'd sideeye it if there were younger kids there but older weren't allowed.

But either way, you can tell her sorry.

aurianna · June 2013

misssunshine17 said:

Why are kids under ten invited? If there is a clear cutoff, then I think you're clear. If it's at all random, they I think they have a reason to be irritated. Not that I think adding them is cool.

Is it because kid's meals are cheaper? Because you don't think parents of younger kids could find babysitters but you assume teens will have other options? You are having to deal with a weird liability clause and don't want any teen possibly getting alcohol? You think teens might be more rowdy than kids? Or does it just happen that the kids you are closer to are younger? (hopefully it's the latter).

(also, what about families that have an 8 year old but also have a 13 year old? You can't split up family units and not invite the 13 year old. I hope this just doesn't come up in your scenario).

I'm a big proponent of "invite the kids that are closest to you" without having to invite all of the kids (whether they're in different circles or not). But rather than just picking who you are close to, if there really is a specific age cutoff where ONLY peeps between 10 and 18 aren't invited that probably will cause drama. Parents of teens will probably assume that you're willing to spring for a kid's-meal for some parents' kids, but that their own teens aren't worth an extra $20 to you (even if money isn't the reason you aren't inviting teens). Or they might assume that you think their teens are bad seeds or something. Or maybe they will just assume all the little kids running around are closer relations to you and not think another thing of it... who knows.

Well anyway, you do not have to explain your cut offs to anyone or justify why you chose to invite the kids you did assuming you didn't break up a family unit.
Call the people who wrote in their kids and say you're sorry for the misunderstanding but the invite was just for them. If they do press on why their kids can't come I'd just give the bottled "We weren't able to invite everyone we wanted to. But we hope you and your spouse can still make it." Then leave it.
I'd avoid things like "it's a budget issue" "it's a capacity issue" "We're only inviting kids under the age of 10" because that can cause even more bitter feelings if they come to the wedding and see a ton of kids.

32daisies · June 2013

I disagree with some of the PP that there is any discussion to be had about age cutoffs or any other reasons you might have had for inviting some children and not others. Just as with adults, you are not obligated to invite any children to your wedding, or all, or some. It's entirely up to you, and does not have to be justified. It sounds to me as if the OP made choices about what children to invite (she mentions that the other children are under 10, not that these aren't invited because of an age cutoff, though if that's the case that's up to her, too), and did not invite these two. That's her call. If we all went around inviting all the people all of our guests want us to invite, and not our own choices, that wouldn't make much sense.

If you don't mind these people adding extra guests to their invite, then let them, but if you do, you do call and say, "I'm sorry for the misunderstanding, but only you and your spouse were invited. Unfortunately we can't accommodate everyone we wanted to, I hope you can still join us." And that's all. It's okay.

Sneaking your kids in? Really?

Re: Sneaking your kids in? Really?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards