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Wedding Woes

Aren't they going to find out eventually?

Like...When they baby is born?

Dear Prudence,
My husband and I recently found out I'm pregnant (yay!). We have very few disagreements and generally see eye-to-eye on most things. But we fundamentally disagree on whether or not to find out the gender of our unborn child. I don't want to find out; he does. I could go through all of the arguments, but neither of us views it logically. Me: It doesn't really matter what the gender is, I'd rather be surprised. Him: Hates surprises. This is one of the few things in life that there's no compromise, because you either find out or you don't. I also don't think that it would work for him to find out and me not to—I know the answer would be revealed one way or another. How can we resolve this?

—Future Mom


Re: Aren't they going to find out eventually?

  • She's not going to be able to find green and yellow baby stuff anyway; she might as well give in now. 
    image
  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    This is where "he/she who cares MORE wins" can be a handy relationship rule.
    As can "rock paper scissors is the final arbiter"
  • WzzWzz member
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    it's mostly brown now, or it is white with ducks. no green or yellow, from what i was able to find as gender neutral.

    so if she likes ducks, she will be okay.

  • for hundreds/thousands/millions? of years people did not find out before the baby was born. somehow they made it. 

    I say whoever is carrying the baby wins.  

    We didn't find out. I wanted to be surprised, DK would have liked to know, but was fine with waiting. 

    People assumed we knew we were having a boy (with the Wolverine nickname, i guess?)  and were just refusing to confirm so it seemed that we got more neutral to boy-ish stuff. My OSIL was a real a-hole about it. "I'm going to crash your sonogram and find out" - um, yeah, you do that, Somehow our daughter is a happy, healthy 2.5yo, even though she wears the occasional pirate or superhero shirt.  
  • I won't lie; with my son, I didn't want to know the gender until the doctor presented him to me with his (or her) name.  Which he HAD to do since my contacts were out and I couldn't see if he was an innie or an outtie.

    We just went gender neutral, and never had an issue.

    I think sometimes people make this shit harder than it really is.
  • I knew a couple who had a baby last year.  She wanted to know what they were having, he didn't.  So she found out and told everyone, making it perfectly clear that he wanted to be surprised.  She decorated the nursery herself, he wasn't allowed to see it until after the baby was born.  Not a single person ruined the surprise for him.  It was awesome.
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