Wedding Etiquette Forum

Is this Tacky/Rude?

My fiance and I just had the final meeting with the DJ a few days ago to discuss song choices and other activities.  He asked us if we wanted to do the centerpiece giveaway.  We thought, yeah, it seems like a nice idea to give the centerpieces to the guests, because what the heck are we gonna do with 12 centerpieces after the wedding anyway?  So we told him we'd like to do it.

He said he has a little game he likes to play for the giveaway.  He asks one person at each table to take out a dollar.  As soon as he said this, I felt uneasy, because I know the rule "Never ask your guests to open their wallets."  Then he starts playing a song and the guests pass the dollar.  When the music stops, whoever is holding the dollar wins...the dollar.  Then he announces that whoever supplied the dollar has just "bought" themselves the centerpiece. 

The whole thing made me a little uneasy, but I kind of just went along with it and didn't say anything.  First of all, we are asking our guests for money.  I mean, I know the money is not going to us, but still, someone at each table is losing a dollar.  Second, what if nobody has a dollar?  I hardly ever have cash on me nowadays and I never bring money to a wedding.  (The DJs answer to this was that he would provide a dollar to the table if no one had one.)  Also, the line about "you bought the centerpiece."  Isn't it tacky to "sell" the centerpiece, even if it is only a dollar, and even if the bride and groom aren't the ones getting the money?

I don't know, maybe I'm over-thinking this, but what do you guys think?  I'm thinking about emailing the DJ and telling him we don't want to do the dollar game.  What would you do?  If this is a rude/tacky idea, does anyone have any alternate suggestions for centerpiece giveaway games?


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Re: Is this Tacky/Rude?

  • Why don't you do a golden ticket or a raffle type thing for the centerpieces? Or heck, a good old fashioned limbo contest. I don't like the DJ's idea either. Just seems like someone's money would end up missing (or in his pocket)
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  • I think that's very weird, to say the least.  I wouldn't do it.  As a guest, I'd feel weird.  There's plenty of ways to do a centerpiece giveaway that don't have to involve money.
  • Uh yeah, this "game" is horrible. I'd be pissed if I took money out of my wallet at a wedding and some random cousin of the bride took it home. Even if it is just a dollar. 

    And it doesn't sound fun at all. What if a guy ends up holding the dollar? The last thing my FI would want is a random wedding centerpiece. Just let me dance and drink at your wedding, that's all the fun I need. Don't interrupt it with some money game. 

    Just have your DJ announce that the centerpieces are up for grabs at the end of the night. Donate the ones people don't take to the local hospital or nursing home.  
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  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Don't raffle off centerpieces. If someone wants one, they honestly will come up and ask you. I promise.
  • auriannaaurianna member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited June 2013
    Your instincts are right. This sounds super tacky.
    And aside from making one of your guests randomly lose a dollar... by passing it around the table it makes participation in trying to win the centerpiece almost mandatory.
    It would be better if participation in trying to win them was voluntary (like they could just write their name and drop it in a box and then the DJ picks out X number of names?).

    I can't think of a single wedding where I've ever wanted the centerpiece (either I'm OOT, it's not my tastes, I don't have room in my house, etc). And a guest that doesn't really want it might feel awkward and required to take it despite not really wanting it.

    ETA:
    Also, that game sounds kind of mean... some people at the table might actually want the centerpiece and then they'll be disappointed to find out they never actually had a chance to win it unless they'd opened their wallets at the wedding.
  • Ok, my doubts have been confirmed.  The dollar game is definitely OUT!  Thank you very much for steering me in the right direction!  I'm glad I asked.  So I thought about just announcing they are up for grabs, but then I thought, what if two people at the same table really both want it?
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  • @aurianna, good point!  I didn't really think about the fact that not everyone would want it.
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  • I'd let anyone who wants to take the centerpieces home without making a game of it, and any that are left over I would donate to a shelter, hospital, nursing home, or even bring to my office if there is an appropriate place for it there.
  • walgrrl said:
    Ok, my doubts have been confirmed.  The dollar game is definitely OUT!  Thank you very much for steering me in the right direction!  I'm glad I asked.  So I thought about just announcing they are up for grabs, but then I thought, what if two people at the same table really both want it?
    People can grab the centerpiece that's not at their table. Trust me, there will be a table of people where no one wants the centerpiece. 
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  • Meh, I don't like this variation. I had never heard of these before ours but I really don't like the passing the dollar thing.
    Our dj did something similar but it was to get ppl out to dance. I think he asked them to pass around a napkin, a set of keys (which obviously the person got back) and something else. Then they passed it around until the music stopped. He said if you got the keys, you won a new car (joking) and if you got the napkin you became the table's dance leader. It got everyone up dancing. I think he encorporated the centerpiece give away normally, but I didn't want to give our vases away. My doc did have zip locks to put the flowers in at the end of the night and encouraged whoever wanted them to take them after. I think if you really like the game, just have them pass around a napkin or something.

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  • hahah I laughed out loud thinking about a DJ trying to sell this idea. Just let people take them if they want them. Maybe have the DJ announce that's it's ok if people take them when he announces last call or something. 

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  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    What's important isn't what WE think about this "game." It's what you think about it!

    You are not comfortable with it at all, and you don't want to do it. Your DJ is a person you are paying to make your wedding day the way you want it. So definitely ring him up and say, "Now that we've had some time to think about it, [fiance] and I have decided not to do a centerpiece raffle. Instead, we'll [insert alternative here]."

    You can always take the centerpieces home and throw them out, or sell them to folks who are planning their weddings. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law didn't announce anything, but when the reception was ending and folks were saying goodbye to them, they encouraged people to take centerpieces (flowers in vases and mason jars). My other brother-in-law and sister-in-law had betta fish centerpieces, and had a raffle at each table at the end of the night (which was rigged at certain tables to make sure the fish went to people who would take care of them--and that's how my partner got stuck with fish!).
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  • nooooooo. at the most, pass around a clean fork or a flower.

    But even that is kind of ick. People will bring them home if they want to, and I love the idea of donating them or using them if you're having a brunch the next day.

  • Our DJ had each table pass around a fork until the music stopped. Then he had the person with the fork stand up, and they all have this huge grin on their face. Then he told them to pick up the centerpiece, and give it to the person on their left. This got a lot of laughs and some great pictures.

    Although I kind of wish I had thought of @CMGr's idea of sending them to a nursing home - I'll have to keep this in mind for future events!

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  • I really like the idea of donating the centerpieces, but...they contain fresh flowers and we are actually leaving for our honeymoon the day after the wedding, so I don't know if we would have time to do this.
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  • walgrrl said:
    I really like the idea of donating the centerpieces, but...they contain fresh flowers and we are actually leaving for our honeymoon the day after the wedding, so I don't know if we would have time to do this.
    Can you ask a parent or a friend to do it for you? I think the fact that they are fresh flowers make it an even lovelier donation. 

    We actually did this for a sorority event once, and when we contacted the nursing home to tell them we'd be stopping by with flowers in the next couple days, they offered to come grab them for us (we didn't take them up on the offer). 
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  • You don't need any silly game to give the centerpieces away.  Like @ Sleeper2013 said, just have your DJ announce at the end of the night that the centerpieces are free to a good home.  That is what we did and a few people took them happily, but a lot were still leftover.

  • A wedding I went to when I was 10 had a similar game, but somehow there was a small teddy bear involved... I wanted the bear and won it.

    I'd just have the DJ announce they're free or donate them.
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  • I have heard of this game, and maybe even seen it done.  The difference being that the person who "donated" the dollar got it back.

    Seems tacky to me.

     

  • I don't think it's tacky. I like games. 
  • Ditto this!

    Personally, I have no need for a centerpiece and I hate when they are raffled off/gifted/etc because then I just have to take it home and trash it to keep from insulting someone, when someone who would have ENJOYED it could have taken it.
  • I've only once been in a situation where the centerpiece was given away (meaning they may have given them away at other weddings, but later or in a discreet way). I won it because I had a sticker under my chair, and I "forgot" it in my hotel room when I checked out the next day. I often "forget" wedding favors in my hotel room, too. 

    A lot of people will come up to you and compliment you on the centerpieces. You can tell them to feel free to take one at the end of the night, and transition to another subject. If they want it, they'll take it. If they were just being nice but have no desire to keep it, they could still just leave it behind without feeling guilty.

  • All very good points. I think I will just make it known they are up for grabs and do away with the games altogether. If people take them, fine. If they don't take them, also fine.
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  • My DJ asked about that too but he offered other games as well. Salt and pepper shaker game not sure what that is. Whoever has a birthday/ anniversary closest to the wedding date. but im not giving my centerpcs away so i didnt look too far into the types of games.
  • The game is tacky. 
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