Not really religious.

EEY0RE9 · June 2013

We just engaged on may 31st! I'm already starting to plan our wedding. Everything is really important to me but the ceremony with the priest and us and our vows are the most important. The thing is we are not that religious. We both believe in god with all of our might but we don't associate with any churches. He does things the christian way when he prays and I do things the catholic way.

So my question is how can we go about having our ceremony w/o any churches involved. Do we have to have a priest or can someone else do it?

calliopeia2013 · June 2013

Well, you can have whoever you want officiate - a judge or Justice of the Peace, a non-denominational officiant (or something like a Unitarian Universalist officiant), or a pastor/minister/priest of whatever religion you want. And you can have the wedding anywhere you want- in a church, in a non-denominational wedding chapel, outside, or just in a pretty venue space. I'm not totally sure what you're asking. Are you looking for recommendations, or do you just want to know what the legal requirements for a wedding are?

Maggie0829 · June 2013

What the others said. H and I are not religious at all and thought that having a church ceremony would be a bit hypocritical of us since we do not practice our religion let alone ever go to church. At that point we would have been using the church as a pretty back drop which I find to be revolting to do.

With that said, we had a very good friend of ours marry us. He made sure he followed all the necessary requirements to legally marry us. Having him officiate the ceremony made it even more personal then if we hired a judge or other random officiant to do it.

ElcaB · June 2013

Congrats on your engagement! You have a few options:

Have a judge officiate the ceremony.
Find a local minister who doesn't require you to be a member of his/her church. Work with them on what you want them to say.
Get a friend or family member ordained & have them officiate.

Tami87 · June 2013

I am confused. Are you saying that the priest, the ceremony and the vows are the most important? But you are not religious or affiliated with any church?

As previous posters mentioned to get legally married you have many options for an officiant and you can decide to not get married in a church.

While I do believe that if you are not religious then you shouldn't get married in a church, you should be aware that getting married outside of a Catholic church is a big deal for a practicing Catholic (and may be a big deal for Catholic family members).

You should definitely talk to your FI about religion and make sure you are on the same page. Also it shouldn't just be about the wedding. You should discuss how you plan to raise children etc.

EEY0RE9 · June 2013

Sorry I confused most of you. What I meant is the ceremony is important because this is the moment where we will become husband and wife. I am in no way saying because its a big religious thing.

I will not start a discussion where we will argue if Christianity is the same as Catholicism because everyone has their own view, and I choose not to discuss mine.

Also, when I meant about having a priest marry us, I meant that I do not want a priest or anyone that is the head of a church marry us because I would feel very hypocritical of us to do so. many of you gave the idea of having a close friend marry us and I really liked that idea! Thank you all.

artbyallie · June 2013

I was going to say what @CMGr and @Stagemanager14 said. I will add too that I don't quite understand how you pray 'the Catholic way' and yet you don't care to be married in the Catholic Church. Can a Catholic around here answer if OP would be able to, say, go to confession if she marries outside the Catholic Church? I know she would no longer be able to take communion but I don't know what else counts as a sacrament.

NYCMercedes · June 2013

EEY0RE9 said:

Sorry I confused most of you. What I meant is the ceremony is important because this is the moment where we will become husband and wife. I am in no way saying because its a big religious thing.
I will not start a discussion where we will argue if Christianity is the same as Catholicism because everyone has their own view, and I choose not to discuss mine.

Also, when I meant about having a priest marry us, I meant that I do not want a priest or anyone that is the head of a church marry us because I would feel very hypocritical of us to do so. many of you gave the idea of having a close friend marry us and I really liked that idea! Thank you all.

Clearly you are the one confused! Catholicism is a Christian religion. It is a fact. It matters not what your view is as there is absolutely nothing to debate. There is no room for an opinion. It is best that you are choosing not to be married in a church as you do not understand the fundamentals of your religion.

HisGirlFriday13 · June 2013

Stage, I just want you to know I loved every single one of your posts in this thread.

OP, you really need to figure out your own religious beliefs before you and your FI decide to get married. You BOTH need to be on the same page in terms of what you believe. And you should probably do some research into the religion you claim to be yours, because what you don't know is astounding.

artbyallie · June 2013

Now I'm curious to know OP's 'view.' Is it that her Christian fiancé is going to hell because he's not following the true religion? I also still want to know how she prays the 'Catholic way' especially if neither of them attend services of any kind. I admit I don't know a great deal about Catholicism, but it doesn't seem to be the kind of thing one can practice on one's own since it appears to put great importance on ritual. I'm quite happy in my own, of course, but all religions kind of fascinate me.

Tami87 · June 2013

Can a Catholic around here answer if OP would be able to, say, go to confession if she marries outside the Catholic Church? I know she would no longer be able to take communion but I don't know what else counts as a sacrament.

Yes Reconciliation (confession) is a sacrament in the Catholic church. I believe that OP could go to confession if she gets married outside the church but part of going to confession is to promise to sincerely try to stop any sinful behavior. So, if her marriage is not recognized by the church she can't go to confession then continue to live as a married woman and expect everything to be all good.

If she truly has a change of heart later she could approach a priest about getting a covalidation. I believe her and her then H would then do some type of marriage counseling with the priest and talk about what it means to have a Catholic marriage (basically normal marriage prep requirements). OP would also be promising to raise any children Catholic and her husband would be promising not to try to impede this effort which is sometimes a big issue for mixed faith marriages. A covalidation ceremony is usually a more subdued event with only a few witnesses or close friends and family.

MairePoppy · June 2013

OP, do you know that saying Catholics aren't Christians feels like a gut punch? I no longer consider myself to be Catholic, but your statement was extremely offensive. I appreciate the two non-Catholics, Stage and CMGr in this thread who seem to know more about Catholicism than many Catholics.

@artbyallie - A Catholic would be allowed to go to confession if they were married outside the church, but they would be required to change their way of life in order to benefit from absolution.

Also, the Catholic church doesn't teach that only Catholics go to heaven.

artbyallie · June 2013

Thanks, @Tami87 and @MairePoppy!

HisGirlFriday13 · June 2013

OP could absolutely still go to Confession (the Sacrament of Reconciliation), and if she were dying, she could receive Last Rites (the Sacrament of Extreme Unction). But she couldn't receive Communion, because she would be out of communion with the church. If she chose to have her marriage convalidated (and there's a process for it, which can be easy or hard, depending on the circumstances of the marriage), then she'd be back in communion with the Catholic Church and could receive communion.

If, for example, the marriage was performed in another church, because there was a family member who's a minister whom they wanted to officiate, AND the couple went through pre-Cana, they could have their marriage convalidated pretty easily. But they will have to agree to raise the children Catholic, and the non-Catholic spouse will have to agree not to impede their spiritual developments as Catholics.

OP, to say "Catholics aren't Christian," is so horribly offensive and ignorant there are hardly words. It's a sucker-punch to those of us who ARE Catholic, and practicing, and know our faith. You clearly don't. Please stop spreading inaccuracies about a religion you clearly know NOTHING about.

daria24 · June 2013

The only explanation I could think of is that many Catholics pray to Mary, or to other saints, to intercede for them. My understanding is that is not a belief/practice in Protestant denominations.

calliopeia2013 · June 2013

There are also a few wording differences in some traditional prayers. For instance, the Catholic Lord's Prayer doesn't include the doxology (the "kingdom and the power and the glory" bit). And the books of the Bible that Protestants consider apocryphal (like the book of Tobias) are considered actually part of Scripture by the Catholic church.

Also, FWIW, everyone I've ever met who has claimed that Catholics aren't Christians has been from a certain strain of evangelical church that believes that Catholics praying to Mary/saints/etc. is a form of idol worship that's incompatible with how they view "Christianity." It's possible that the OP has been influenced by that culture in some form.

HisGirlFriday13 · June 2013

Actually, the Catholic Lord's Prayer DOES include the doxology, just not when said during Mass. When you pray it for penance, or during the Rosary, you do say that piece.

Not really religious.

Re: Not really religious.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards