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Snarky Brides

Thoughts on invites... from deceased people

My wife and I received a wedding invite recently that felt kind of awkward to me.  It's a couple who are different religions and they're having one ceremony the first evening, then a second the next day around lunch time followed by a reception.  One of them has lost both parents, and the other has lost one, so the invite is worded that Mr X and the Late Mrs X invite you to the first ceremony, then The Late Mr Y and Late Mrs Y invite you to the second ceremony. 

Once I read it I'm thinking how do two deceased people invite me to something?  I get wanting to honor your parents but it just seemed weird to do it that way.

Anyone else done this or seen this?  Of course I may just be put off by the fact that we never got a save the date (but have seen them from others who did get one), weren't invited to the shower that several common friends went to, it's destination and the invite comes 12 weeks in advance with a two week deadline to respond, so obviously B list.  Oh yeah, also on the first page in bold letters "No boxed gifts please", so b list and cash grab lol. 

Married in Vegas - June 2011


Re: Thoughts on invites... from deceased people

  • edited June 2013
    Dead people don't issue invitations. They cannot host -- literally, physically of metaphorically -- so they don't issue invites. You're not wrong to be put-off by this.

    Also, the B-list, cash-grab and destination stuff is all soooo tacky.

    ETA: fix typo
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • lemclane said:
    Dead people don't issue invitations. They cannot host -- literally, physically of metaphorically -- so they don't issue invites. You're not wrong to be put-off by this. Also, the B-list, cash-grab and destination stuff is all soooo tacky. ETA: fix typo

    Are you saying destination weddings in general are tacky or just in this situation? I've been to a few destination weddings that unlike the op, I had plenty of time to save for and they were not at all tacky. Op sorry you got b-listed and I've never been invited to ANY party be deceased people so that's a positive lol.

     Wedding Countdown Ticker




    image 59 Invited
    image 36 Yes
    image 2 No
    image 21 Unknown

  • Are you saying destination weddings in general are tacky or just in this situation? I've been to a few destination weddings that unlike the op, I had plenty of time to save for and they were not at all tacky. Op sorry you got b-listed and I've never been invited to ANY party be deceased people so that's a positive lol.
    I think she was just referring to the late invite.  I had a destination wedding but we sent STD's at 11 months out and invites at six months so everyone had plenty of reminders.  No b list either lol.

    Married in Vegas - June 2011


  • @vegasgroom in your situation yeah it is tacky. But duhhhhh don't you have a money tree in your backyard like everyone has ;) (sarcasm on the last sentence)

     Wedding Countdown Ticker




    image 59 Invited
    image 36 Yes
    image 2 No
    image 21 Unknown
  • Oh, no I was only using the lack of STD as evidence towards my b-list theory.  I don't care if someone invites me to a wedding without ever sending an STD, just don't make it so obvious if I'm on the b-list; ignorance is bliss as they say lol.

    Married in Vegas - June 2011


  • Yes, just in this situation. I don't have a problem with DWs either in theory or in practice, but I think sending an invite for a DW with an RSVP date of TWO WEEKS is tacky, mostly because it lets  @vegasgroom know they were B-listed, which is SUPER tacky. 
    lemclane said:
    Dead people don't issue invitations. They cannot host -- literally, physically of metaphorically -- so they don't issue invites. You're not wrong to be put-off by this. Also, the B-list, cash-grab and destination stuff is all soooo tacky. ETA: fix typo

    Are you saying destination weddings in general are tacky or just in this situation? I've been to a few destination weddings that unlike the op, I had plenty of time to save for and they were not at all tacky. Op sorry you got b-listed and I've never been invited to ANY party be deceased people so that's a positive lol.

    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • @RetreadBride, I actually just LOL'd, for real, at that. Theresa Caputo could pull off issued-from-beyond-the-grave wedding invitations, too.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited June 2013
    Eeek. ETA: That's very unsettling. Don't want to just put "Eeek" now that putting 1-word answers mean you're just trying to up your post count and can get you flagged.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • I got kinda creeped out over the deceased people hosting idea... Just ewwww!!!
  • Yeah that's weird. They couldn've just put "Bride and Groom request your presence..."
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Well I feel better now that I find you all think it's weird too; I thought I was just being insensitive that dead people invited me to an event lol. 

    It almost makes me want to go to see what other odd things go on; maybe there will be a wax figures of them seated at what would probably be a head table. :-)

    Married in Vegas - June 2011


  • You can get flagged for one word answers?? When did this happen?

    Vegas you have every right to be put off by the situation, that is wrong in so many ways!
    Anniversary
  • Well I feel better now that I find you all think it's weird too; I thought I was just being insensitive that dead people invited me to an event lol. 

    It almost makes me want to go to see what other odd things go on; maybe there will be a wax figures of them seated at what would probably be a head table. :-)
    If this happens (the bolded) I want pictures!

     Wedding Countdown Ticker




    image 59 Invited
    image 36 Yes
    image 2 No
    image 21 Unknown
  • snippet17 said:



    You can get flagged for one word answers?? When did this happen?

    Vegas you have every right to be put off by the situation, that is wrong in so many ways!

    I knew that a person could get flagged for trying to up their post count, but didn't know that a post with just a gif or one word counts as that.

    Eh, you can get flagged for breathing these days.

    Vegas, I'd avoid the heeeeeck out of that wedding if I were you. It's like they are using a checklist of etiquette in order to violate it.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • In defense of the not-receiving-an-STD thing... we thought we were being slick by saving postage on postcard STDs. Big mistake. One of my girlfriends (to whom I sent an STD) called me after we mailed out invites and told me how excited she was to be invited because she wasn't sure if she had "made the cut". I asked her about the STD and she said she never got one!! I immediately had that sinking feeling like, "who else's didn't arrive...?" Because there aren't return addresses on postcards, the post office just throws them out if for some reason they get smeared, misdirected, whatever. @vegasgroom, if they did post card STDs, it's POSSIBLE you weren't a B-lister.

    I'm super embarrassed about this and wouldn't recommend post card STDs to anyone. One of the wedding lessons I'm smarter for now that I no longer need the information. :)
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  • Yeah, I'm sorry for riling people up or causing confusion about the one-word thing. I'm in a pretty bad mood this week, especially yesterday when I posted that. I was really just pointing it out to be obnoxious at the time. Don't worry about your one-worders and gifs in general, guys. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • In defense of the not-receiving-an-STD thing... we thought we were being slick by saving postage on postcard STDs. Big mistake. One of my girlfriends (to whom I sent an STD) called me after we mailed out invites and told me how excited she was to be invited because she wasn't sure if she had "made the cut". I asked her about the STD and she said she never got one!! I immediately had that sinking feeling like, "who else's didn't arrive...?" Because there aren't return addresses on postcards, the post office just throws them out if for some reason they get smeared, misdirected, whatever. @vegasgroom, if they did post card STDs, it's POSSIBLE you weren't a B-lister.

    I'm super embarrassed about this and wouldn't recommend post card STDs to anyone. One of the wedding lessons I'm smarter for now that I no longer need the information. :)
    Oh, no in this case the issue was not the lack of receiving one, it was that I knew others had received them months prior, before the shower that others I know also got invited to, and then the invite arrives out of the blue with two weeks to respond after others I knew had already received theirs lol.

    Moral of the story, if you're going to do a b-list, even after hopefully someone tells you it's a bad idea, better be damn sure the entire b-list isn't in the circle of friends with anyone in the a-list.

    Married in Vegas - June 2011


  • That's creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy.
  • My FI's father passed away when he was a kid. When it came time to word the invitations, my FMIL was adament on having his name on the invitation. We have already planned for FI's dad to be honored in other ways. Once I pointed out to FI that the people who don't know his father is deceased would be looking around to find the guy who invited them and the people who do know would be creeped out, FI had a look of horrro and said "oh no, we are NOT doing that!" Lol so we didn't put any parents names on our invites. Just that we wanted them there. That way we didn't offend FMIL.
    image

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

  • moral of the story, if you're going to do a b-list, even after hopefully someone tells you it's a bad idea, better be damn sure the entire b-list isn't in the circle of friends with anyone in the a-list.
    Yep!  That's always the danger of it. And people never think it might be a problem!


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • In defense of the not-receiving-an-STD thing... we thought we were being slick by saving postage on postcard STDs. Big mistake. One of my girlfriends (to whom I sent an STD) called me after we mailed out invites and told me how excited she was to be invited because she wasn't sure if she had "made the cut". I asked her about the STD and she said she never got one!! I immediately had that sinking feeling like, "who else's didn't arrive...?" Because there aren't return addresses on postcards, the post office just throws them out if for some reason they get smeared, misdirected, whatever. @vegasgroom, if they did post card STDs, it's POSSIBLE you weren't a B-lister.

    I'm super embarrassed about this and wouldn't recommend post card STDs to anyone. One of the wedding lessons I'm smarter for now that I no longer need the information. :)

    We did postcard STDs and had a return address.   Two were returned by the post office due to incorrect addresses.  Just an FYI. 
  • This seems like a terrible idea (listing deceased family members on the invites). I'm a little touchy on it anyway, since my grandfather signed a wedding card "Love, grandma and grandpop" even though my grandmother passed away in March. It was the first card I opened and I immediately fell apart. Thankfully we opened the wedding gifts at home...
    image
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