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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Guest who used to be my grandma's therapist?

I've come across a bit of an unusual (I think it is, anyway) situation. My great-aunt, who we are all very close with, has been dating a man for about 6 months. They used to work together at a mental health facility, and reconnected after her husband passed away. Eight years ago, after my grandfather passed, my grandmother went through a serious depression and sought counseling. Her therapist was the man my aunt (my grandmother's sister-in-law) is now dating. She received counseling services from this man for over a year.

I will go ahead and say that I know I am biased against this man. I do not like some of the ideas my grandmother took away from her time with him (I am a therapist myself and recently she has shared his past diagnostic impressions with me- in my opinion, way off base). I also do not like his pushiness since he began dating my aunt. We were all very close to my uncle, who died suddenly and traumatically, and my aunt's boyfriend has been over-the-top about making it clear that they are "more than friends" at family functions. However, I know that this dislike doesn't allow me to be rude. He is still my aunt's SO, and as such, should be invited to the wedding...right? There are a few in my family who are of the opinion that he should not be invited due to his conflict of interest with my grandmother. I don't really know what to say to these people (my mom and sister) except that as a therapist I hope he would maintain professionalism regarding the confidential information he knows about my grandmother and family, and that I'd also hope he would choose not to come if he felt he had some conflict of interest.

There's really nothing else I can do about this, right? Thanks for letting me vent. It helps to type this all out sometimes when there's a confusing situation.
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Re: Guest who used to be my grandma's therapist?

  • " He is still my aunt's SO, and as such, should be invited to the wedding...right?"
    Right

    Therapists should know how to behave in situations. This particular one seems pretty clueless, but it's still not a good reason to not invite him. More importantly, if you don't invite him, your aunt would be upset, no?
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  • I believe my aunt would be upset, yes. I love her dearly and do not wish to upset her. Her grandson is our banner-bearer and she had mentioned coming into town with his mom to help with the kids (banner-bearer and a very busy sweet 2 year old girl). She told me she had booked a room and it sounded like she had booked one room for all of them- her, her daughter, and the little ones. I have a hard time seeing her bf staying in there too, so maybe they've already discussed it and decided he'll sit this one out.

    I'm not terribly upset at the idea of him coming, but though I would see what others think of the situation. Thanks for the response!

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  • If he discloses confidential information, he can face server professional sanctions. 
    Yes, I'm very aware he can. I'm not so worried he would disclose anything, as much as I am worried about my grandmother being uncomfortable that the man who helped (as I mentioned, I use that term loosely) her sort out some really awful and complicated thoughts/feelings she had in her first year without my pap will be present. She made a vague comment awhile back and it has stuck in my mind. That's where this post is coming from, which I don't think I clarified in the original post. I'm more concerned for my grandma's comfort than my own.
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  • OjitosVerdesOjitosVerdes member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited June 2013
    Although it's been a while, I'm sorry for the loss of your grandpa, and for the more recent loss of your uncle. 

    I agree that you need to invite the SO, although I think you already know that. I empathize with your discomfort though, and agree that his behavior is off. There is something that creeps me out about a grown, I'm assuming older man, being so pushy about their relationship status in public/in front of family. Especially since he is someone that is presumably relatively self aware, as he has dedicated his life to helping others sort out their feelings and actions. 

    I doubt you'll even really be aware of his presence the day of your wedding, and I'm sure your aunt will be happier having him there. ETS: I don't think you need to worry about him breaking confidentiality at your wedding, and I doubt your grandma will notice him much either. 
  • It's pretty awesome of you to be concerned about your grandma, but I'm sure she'll be okay. People have had these run-ins before and your wedding might not be the last time in her case.
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  • Thank you all. Just having a little bit of validation regarding my feelings of being creeped out really helps. I agree that there is little to no chance that he would bring up any of the things my grandma discussed with him in counseling (although should he, I will not hesitate to have him removed), and I also agree I will hardly notice him. I have decided that I will just smile and be gracious and enjoy my wedding day.

    @HoorayForSoup, as I mentioned in my first post, I am also a therapist (in a prison!)...and yes, your assessment is pretty accurate :) Although, I tend to be pretty self aware of how screwed up I am.
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