MOH issues...

Re: MOH issues...

• AllieBear725 member

  

  June 2013

  KitCat13 said:

  Hi ladies, I'm new so if this is in the wrong place I apologize,
  
  I am having MOH issues. a little back story, she cut my guest list in half she didn't ask my opinion on food and when I spoke up she said I was being a spoiled brat and the newest issue is that I've had 3 bridesmaids come to me in the last week or so and ask me where the location time and date was for the shower... My MOH refuses to tell me anything so I couldn't answer them when I asked her to send something out she said that she told everyone and everyone needs to get their shit together. Clearly it's her if 3 of out 5 girls are confused.  And then today I asked if she could at least fill me in on the date and time so I could make sure there was nothing going on that day she just told me I needed to wait for my invite to come in the mail.
  
  Any advice as to what I can do with her?  I don't want to sound like  brat but I mean asking for a date isn't that much is it?
  

  
  JIC. Honestly, I can see why you're upset, but you are coming across as pretty ungrateful. I am not even getting a shower at all. My advice would be to do just as your MOH said, "wait for your invite in the mail." Tell your BM's you don't know any details.

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• Maggie0829 member

  

  June 2013

  Ok, I will say your MOH needs to be a bit more open with your other BMs if they have questions.

  But with that said.  Your MOH is planning a shower for you so you really do not get a say in what she plans.  As for your guest list, did you talk to her about how many people she could afford before giving her your list?  If not, that was rude of you.  Your MOH has every right to cut the guest list.  She is paying for the wedding and has final say over who is invited.

  Also, it seems that she really wants this shower to be a surprise so it really isn't wrong of her to not tell you anything.  I do agree that she should at least tell you the date so you can make sure you don't accidentally plan something.  But as far as food and such, she doesn't have to tell you anything.

  I would talk to her calmly and tell her that you would at least like to know the date of the shower so you don't mistakenly plan anything for that day.

  As for everything else, leave it alone. 

  
  

  Report2 Reply
• KitCat13

  

  June 2013 edited June 2013

  Hi ladies thanks for the advice...
  
  She isn't paying for the shower, my step-mother and aunt (her mother) are paying for it... she is just the one who is planning, making sure we could get the restaurant and handing out jobs to the other ladies.  But my step-mother didn't even know where the shower was or the date.  As far as the food comment ago, I'm allergic to shell fish and some fish she wanted to have Shrimp and clams and fish served along with curry.  I just told her that I wouldn't have been able to eat what she was planning if there was an option for me and that my guest wouldn't like curry and maybe she could pick something different so the food wasn't a waste. And she replied with this is what I wanted but I can have a salad made up for you if that is what you want.
  
  Also I don't mind not knowing it's just the date that I would like to know just so I can make sure we do not have plans that day.
  
  Again thanks for the advice.
  

  Report0 Reply
• jess1669 member

  

  June 2013

  scribe95 said:

  Your step-mother and aunt need to take over and confront her with these issues - not you.

   

   

  I agree with scribe95.

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• [Deleted User] member

  

  June 2013

  Yeah, your MOH sounds like a real twat. I'd have your mother call her and tell her she won't be paying for any of this and that they'll be planning from here on out (or maybe enlist another BM - obviously, they don't HAVE TO, but one may want to). Becuase I'd be pissed if I was paying for a shower for my step daughter and the person I entrusted with planning it was acting this way. It doesn't have to be exclusively things you like, because there are guests, but to essentially tell the bride "tough shit if you can't eat any of this, here's some lettuce"? No, that's not going to happen. 

  Report4 Reply
• Maggie0829 member

  

  June 2013

  So the people who are funding the shower do not even know the date?  Yeah, I would talk with your Aunt and Step-Mom about this.  I would also provide them with your MOH's phone number and email so they can contact her. 

  Geeze it sounded like from your first post that your MOH was planning and paying which is why I responded as I did.  But she is crazy and acting horrible.  For you I would stay out of things, but I would suggest to your SM and Aunt to contact her ASAP and have a discussion with her, especially since they are paying for it, they should at least know what is going on.

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• KitCat13

  

  June 2013

  Maggie yes they are funding the shower. Her mom which is my aunt and my step mother told her that they would pay but she could plan because she felt like she couldn't do any of the "MOH duties" (She lost her job in Nov and has been jumping from temp job to temp job in DC) and her mom didn't want her to be stressed about the funding and nither did my step - mom.  
  
  Anyways yes they both have no idea where she finally picked or the date.  My stepmom has tried to contact her via, phone,text, email, facebook with no response other then in the early stages "I have it between two places I'll pick this weekend" and when her mom ask she just says I have it covered. 
  
  I called my step - mom late last night and told her I was over it and that I think she needs to be asked nicely to step down.  It's not going to go over well at all,but  as most of you have pointed out this is the shower she wants not what she thinks I would like.  I understand that other guest will be there however giving me a salad to eat because I can't eat anything else isn't right, this is a shower thrown for me, I would like to eat some food!
  
  Thanks for all the advice and letting me know I'm not too crazy about all of this!
  

  Report0 Reply
• Maggie0829 member

  

  June 2013

  Um, yeah, don't ask her to step down, but her Mom (your Aunt) needs to have a talk with her daughter.  I don't know about her but if I were planning a party and my Mom was footing the bill you can sure as hell believe she would want to know the details and provide input.  And me telling her "I have it covered" would not suffice.

  Look she hasn't really done anything directly to you so kicking her out will just make you look bad.  Has she been rude to other members of your bridal party and to the people paying for the shower?  Yes.  But they are all adults and they need to work it out amongst themselves.

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• wittykitty14 member

  

  June 2013

  Definitely don't ask her to step down. 

  I'm sorry you're having to go through with this.  It definitely sounds like she's planning a shower for herself, and not taking something simple like ALLERGIES into concern. 

  My shower was a "surprise" too, and it was a PITA to plan around.  It was very frustrating, but I eventually figured out a couple days it could possibly be, and left those days open JIC.

  I'm on a special diet right now, and what I can eat is very limited.  That was one of my biggest concerns for the shower.  I didn't want to be ungrateful for anything my mom or MOH prepared, but I also wanted to eat.  My mom assured me that she had been looking into recipes of stuff I can have and that everything would be fine.  I was excited.  Well, the shower came and there was hardly anything I could eat.  Good thing it was at my house so I had my own snacks there.  But I didn't stress over it, and had a wonderful time.  I was so busy that I didn't have time to eat anyway.

  Talk to your aunt and step mom.  They need to talk to MOH, they need to know what's going on, and they need to be your advocate.  You're not supposed to have a say in your own shower, but it's perfectly acceptable to make sure you're not allergic to the food!  I don't know what else to add, but I wish you the best of luck!

  Report0 Reply
• KitCat13

  

  June 2013

  Ok I should have been more clear I'm not asking to her step down... I asked her to be MOH and she'll still be that.... but I am going to have my aunt and step - mom tell her that they are now taking over the shower.  They are just as frustrated with her as I am and the other 4 girls in the wedding are beyond frustrated with not knowing things and asking questions over and over again to not get a response.
  
  And then they ask me but I cannot answer them because I don't know anything.  Which is fine I don't want to know but it make me nervous knowing that she doesn't seem to care that I can't eat the food she is planning on serving and just saying well I suppose you can have a salad.   I just think in the long run and my aunt and step-mom agree that the two of them should take over, and start getting this shower on the road.  All I know that it's relatively soon and no one knows what they are doing, one Bridesmaid needs to drive 8 hours so she needs to know soon.
  
  I don't want to hurt her feelings but it just seems like there is lack of communication every where and everyone who is part of the shower is frustrated.
  

  Report0 Reply
• KitCat13

  

  June 2013

  No, but they didn't wan to completely over step her "duties" since she isn't funding it, she said she wanted to do this task. But clearly it's not working out.   My step-mom sent her an e-mail this morning basically telling her she appreciated her help but she and my aunt feel that it would be best if they take over.
  
  Hopefully it goes over better then I think it's going to.
  

  Report0 Reply
• Maggie0829 member

  

  June 2013

  But she has no "duties".  Look your MOH is acting childish and should be treated as such.  Her Mom needs to be "MOH you either tell me what you are planning or SM and I are going to take over because I am not giving one penny to something that I have no clue about."

  They have every right to over step because they are paying for it.  And an email ain't going to cut it.  They need to talk to her in person.

  
  

  Report1 Reply
• KitCat13

  

  June 2013

  That is basically what that e-mail said... she lives in D.C. while we live in New York, she won't answer phone calls so my step-mom emailed her.  She told her she was done in the planning processes of the shower, and that she and her mom were taking over.  And planning because it's getting close and they were going to sit back and have it a cluster.
  
  I feel but she brought this on herself.
  
  
  
  

  Report0 Reply
• KitCat13

  

  June 2013

  Thank you for the words ladies it's been helpful!
  

  Report1 Reply
• KitCat13

  

  June 2013

  ever since she lost her job she became bat shit crazy .... but she is crazy in the way that she thinks that her way is the best way!
  

  Report1 Reply