Request "No Gifts"

Re: Request "No Gifts"

• AJuliaNJ member

  

  June 2013

  By word of mouth and declining any showers offered.

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• Simply Fated member

  

  June 2013

  What Andrea said.
  Just tell people when they ask that you don't expect gifts, but can't wait to see the person at your wedding.

  
  

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• lschwar2 member

  

  June 2013

  Could make up small card to place in invitation envelope that says something along the lines of "we request your presence not your presents". Another thought would be to pick a charity to ask guests to donate to in lieu of a gift (not sure if that's in poor taste)

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• Lored member

  

  June 2013

  FI and I had wanted to do this as well. We also really wanted to "suggest" our guests give to a certain charity instead of buying us gifts. After lurking around here, I understand why it's rude. One should never ask for or dictate what ones gift should be or where it should go. Others will for sure explain it better than I, but the bottom line is that if one chooses to give you a gift, that is their choice. You should never recommend what that gift should be or even where they may choose to donate their own money.

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• hellosunshine12 member

  

  June 2013

  Thanks, I was worried that it maybe offensive. If someone did bring a gift I would never return it, that would be awful!

  

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• harper0813 member

  

  June 2013

  Just don't register. And if someone asks you (which people will, when people look you up and find no registry), just let them know that their presence is gift enough. Word of mouth is the only appropriate way to communicate this, and only when asked.

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  June 2013

  AndreaJulia said:

  By word of mouth and declining any showers offered.

  Exactly this. And don't register anywhere.

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• Jen4948 member

  

  June 2013

  Nope, you can't directly ask for "no gifts" in any form. 
  
  You can decline showers, you can not register, and if anyone asks you (not before), you can tell them that gifts aren't necessary but you look forward to seeing them at the wedding.  But you cannot put "no gifts" in your invitations or tell them to donate to charity.
  

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• aurianna member

  

  June 2013

  
  

  lschwar2 said:

  Could make up small card to place in invitation envelope that says something along the lines of "we request your presence not your presents". Another thought would be to pick a charity to ask guests to donate to in lieu of a gift (not sure if that's in poor taste)

  
  This is definitely good intentioned advice, but just a quick explanation on why it's not a good idea.
  
  Saying "we request your presences not your presents" is presumptuous because it indicates to your guests that if you hadn't said anything, you would have expected that they'd bring you presents. And it's wrong to expect presents. Just the mention of gifts at all (even no gifts) could put off people who normally don't give presents either by custom or because of financial reasons.
  On another level, even if it isn't intended, I sometimes get the vibe that the couple is trying to look selfless and magnanimous and it rubs me the wrong way. Kind of like people who brag about how much they give to charity. "Oh look at us. We're so giving. We just want to host you all but want absolutely nothing in return! Look at me! Look at me!"
  And thirdly, it might hurt guests who really want to bring a gift.
  
  The charity thing can be tricky because charitable causes are very personal. It's possible you could offend guests without even trying. Some guests might feel uncomfortable... some might even get indignant. "She expects me to give my money to THEM?"
  No matter how benign the charity seems, there could be things about it that would offend people.
  It could also backfire. I know last year some political candidates had their own wedding registry service. If I saw a bride include that in her registry, I'd be making a donation to the opponent in her name so quick it would make your head spin...
  ...because some people feel that passionate about causes/charities/politics.
  So it's just a good idea not to do that.
  
  Just wanted to clarify that for anyone that is confused as to why that isn't proper.
  
  

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• aurianna member

  

  June 2013

  
  

  lschwar2 said:

  Could make up small card to place in invitation envelope that says something along the lines of "we request your presence not your presents". Another thought would be to pick a charity to ask guests to donate to in lieu of a gift (not sure if that's in poor taste)

  
  This is definitely good intentioned advice, but just a quick explanation on why it's not a good idea.
  
  Saying "we request your presences not your presents" is presumptuous because it indicates to your guests that if you hadn't said anything, you would have expected that they'd bring you presents. And it's wrong to expect presents. Just the mention of gifts at all (even no gifts) could put off people who normally don't give presents either by custom or because of financial reasons.
  On another level, even if it isn't intended, I sometimes get the vibe that the couple is trying to look selfless and magnanimous and it rubs me the wrong way. Kind of like people who brag about how much they give to charity. "Oh look at us. We're so giving. We just want to host you all but want absolutely nothing in return! Look at me! Look at me!"
  And thirdly, it might hurt guests who really want to bring a gift.
  
  The charity thing can be tricky because charitable causes are very personal. It's possible you could offend guests without even trying. Some guests might feel uncomfortable... some might even get indignant. "She expects me to give my money to THEM?"
  No matter how benign the charity seems, there could be things about it that would offend people.
  It could also backfire. I know last year some political candidates had their own wedding registry service. If I saw a bride include that in her registry, I'd be making a donation to the opponent in her name so quick it would make your head spin...
  ...because some people feel that passionate about causes/charities/politics.
  So it's just a good idea not to do that.
  
  Just wanted to clarify that for anyone that is confused as to why that isn't proper.
  
  

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• phira member

  

  June 2013

  Word of mouth, for sure. If anyone asks where you're registered, gently say, "Oh, thank you for asking! However, there's nothing we really want except to celebrate with you on our wedding day." If you have a wedding website, in the "registry" tab, briefly and politely state that you are not expecting any gifts.

  
  

  If people DO give you gifts, accept them! Do NOT return them, or even mention that they shouldn't have gotten you anything. I am definitely one of those people who gets people gifts even when it's not necessary, and that would totally hurt my feelings.

  
  

  Finally, you might want to consider a small registry anyway, and get some replacements for items that might have seen better days (I can't wait to get new towels, omg).

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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