Wedding Party

BM Moves In: Crossing the Line?

So one of my BMs are moving in with us as she begins her new life in the working world. She is here for only 1-2 months (yes, really, not staying longer).
I am cleaning out our spare room for her during this time as her move in date approaches. She is over frequently, but as she gets ready to move in, her actions have become a little controlling. Just yesterday as I was getting dinner ready, she walked around the house talking about how she was going to rearrange the entire living room because "Wherever I live, I like it to be organized." She proceeded to tell me that she was moving the TV to the other end of the room, that I needed to buy extension cords for everything and that we would staple the wires to the ceiling.

When I told her I wouldn't mind moving some things around, just not the TV or other electronics, she became really insistent because "Do you know how many times I've done this? A million, trust me it's easier this way!" I know my fiance wouldn't be happy with this, and I really like my larger furniture where it is. I wouldn't mind moving the smaller stuff around, but she won't take no for an answer.

On top of this, when I was cooking, she was sitting on the sofa near my fiance teasing him about how things would be moved around one day when he comes home from work. He asked her not to touch his desk or anything else since some of our furniture is second hand or older and could break...I don't think she was convinced though and I'm worried that I will come home to destroyed furniture and not be able to find anything!

She is also insisting on organizing my bedroom and laundry! Is it just me or is this way too controlling? I understand she will be moving in, but the financial situation is that she will pay less than 1/3 the bills for one month, and pay storage for second month before moving into her own place. I would love to incorporate her style into her space, but some of her back-handed remarks about my organization are driving me crazy!
I don't have a spotless home, but it's not THAT bad!!!

Re: BM Moves In: Crossing the Line?

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I think you need to sit her down and set boundaries:

    1) She is not to touch your property without your permission
    2) She is to keep her comments about your housekeeping to herself

    Otherwise, she can go live someplace else.
    PrettyGirlLostwittykitty14[Deleted User]
  • Tell her she is welcome to move her room around however she likes it, but the common living area is staying put and there is no room for negotiation.
    PrettyGirlLostwittykitty14[Deleted User]
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    You definitely need to tell her not to move anything or find somewhere else to stay. I also kind of ditto Retread in that you may need to rethink this. We let a friend move in with us for a couple months earlier this year. My husband ended up having to kick her out b/c she wasnt paying the rent she agreed to, and they are currently not speaking. Don't let this situation cost you a friendship!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2013
    This is probably a stretch but is there any chance that she's embarrassed that she has to move in with you? Maybe that's why she's being critical of you and maybe she's trying to be "useful" around the house?



  • I'm also going to suggest rethinking this. Or at least REALLY thinking about this.
    Do you really think you and Fi will come home and find wires stapled to your ceiling, even after you talk to her about not doing that? If so, back out now.
    If you think a talk will help, give it a try.
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    This isn't a bridesmaid issue, this is a friend issue.

  • Whoa what a crazy pants. I agree with PPs, you need to nip this in the bud ASAP. Your house, your  rules.

  • Yeah, your friend sounds like an arsehole. You're doing her a huge favor and she can't even manage to be respectful about the fact that it's your home.  I'd change my mind about this one pretty quickly.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker



  • Yikes, you need to nip this in the bud NOW, or it's going to get much worse.  Maybe say "That's an interesting idea, but we won't be making any changes to our living area now.  You are more than free to arrange your personal space however you wish though."

    If she persists, you need to be more direct and say "I get that you like to arrange stuff, but this is our house and if you can't live with the way we have it, then you'll need to make other living arrangements." 
  • Yes, that's controlling, and if I were you, I would be telling her to find somewhere else to bunk for 1-2 months. Your place is not open for renters. Wow, she sounds like a treat to be around!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I agree with everyone here. I would sit her down once, and only once, and tell her this is HER only chance to listen. Either she respects you and your fiance's rules, or she leaves. And tell her that includes you or him coming home to find something changed. She changes one thing outside of "her" bedroom, she's out. You are doing this as a courtesy to her and she needs to show you guys the same respect. No means no.
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