Wedding Favors

debbie&chris · May 2013

I am completely stuck on our wedding favors. Our gift registry is for donations to one of three charities. I would love to keep with that theme with our wedding favors. All I keep seeing are place cards announcing that a gift has been made to an organization in their honor, in place of a traditional wedding favor. I really don't know how I feel about this. I was thinking more of a tangible gift that I could purchase from a charity, which would benefit the charity, that I could give to our guests. I would love to hear ideas for this. Thanks!

itzMS · May 2013

debbie&chris said:

I am completely stuck on our wedding favors. Our gift registry is for donations to one of three charities. I would love to keep with that theme with our wedding favors. All I keep seeing are place cards announcing that a gift has been made to an organization in their honor, in place of a traditional wedding favor. I really don't know how I feel about this. I was thinking more of a tangible gift that I could purchase from a charity, which would benefit the charity, that I could give to our guests. I would love to hear ideas for this. Thanks!

Sorry, I can't really help, because I couldn't get past the fact that you registered for charitible donations. You and you FH should take any monetary gifts you receive at the wedding and donate to a charity of your choice if donating to charity is important to you. It should be done privately. Imposing your charitable beliefs on your guests isn't the right way to go. As a present, I once got a giftcard to donate to a charity of my choice via a website. Excited, I logged on to find out that the website took from a 7%-20% cut of my donation for "administrative purposes". Yeah, that sucks.

Oh, and to answer your question...just skip the favors if you're not going to do something edible.

erinlin25 · May 2013

be careful with charity donations in someones honor--unless you know every single one of your guests is interested/agrees with the charity you could offend someone if you did something "in their honor" that they do not agree with. As PP suggested if you wanted to donate to charity you should just do this on your own, from YOU. How do you register for charitable donations? I would rather give you the money and then let you decide what to do with it. A wedding is not a fundraiser.

southernbelle0915 · May 2013

Although providing favors is extremely common, it's not required or bad etiquette if you don't. That said, a lot of people who decide to offer favors use it as an opportunity to get creative. In my opinion, charitable donations in lieu of favors is not faux pas. I was thinking about doing this for our wedding and came across this:

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-favors/articles/real-couples-wedding-favor-donation-stories.aspx

itzMS · May 2013

@southernbelle0915 That's correct, it's not a faux pas to take the money you would have spent on favors and donate it to a charity. However, the donation shouldn't be made in guests' names or in honor of your guests.

southernbelle0915 · May 2013

itzMS said:

@southernbelle0915 That's correct, it's not a faux pas to take the money you would have spent on favors and donate it to a charity. However, the donation shouldn't be made in guests' names or in honor of your guests.

I think if you use a donation as favors, it should be made in their' name/honor. That's the only way I've ever seen it done. In the examples in the Knot article, most people used some creative indication that the donation was made in the guests' name/honor.

itzMS · May 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

itzMS said:

@southernbelle0915 That's correct, it's not a faux pas to take the money you would have spent on favors and donate it to a charity. However, the donation shouldn't be made in guests' names or in honor of your guests.
I think if you use a donation as favors, it should be made in their' name/honor. That's the only way I've ever seen it done. In the examples in the Knot article, most people used some creative indication that the donation was made in the guests' name/honor.

Yeah, don't trust The Knot articles. Not all of your guests are going to believe in your charity.

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/236231/thinking-of-using-a-donation-in-lieu-of-favors-read-this-first

brielleinlove · May 2013

OP, please consider creating a small traditional registry for those who (like me) are not comfortable donating to charity as a gift. I have had friends who have done charity registries and it went over like a lead balloon. Only one person donated. Everyone else gave the couple cash or gifts of their choosing.

Ditto everyone else on why charity as favors is a touchy subject.

southernbelle0915 · May 2013

itzMS said:

southernbelle0915 said:

itzMS said:

@southernbelle0915 That's correct, it's not a faux pas to take the money you would have spent on favors and donate it to a charity. However, the donation shouldn't be made in guests' names or in honor of your guests.
I think if you use a donation as favors, it should be made in their' name/honor. That's the only way I've ever seen it done. In the examples in the Knot article, most people used some creative indication that the donation was made in the guests' name/honor.

Yeah, don't trust The Knot articles. Not all of your guests are going to believe in your charity.

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/236231/thinking-of-using-a-donation-in-lieu-of-favors-read-this-first

True, and good advice to see both points of view on this. I guess personally, I would pick something neutral and risk the "sideye" if we end up doing it.

brielleinlove · May 2013

The problem is that there really is no such thing as a "neutral" charity. American Cancer Society and other medical charities? You'd think it would be neutral, but they often support animal testing in order to further cancer research, and many staunch animal activists would not consider that an honor. International hunger relief? Guests might prefer charities that help people closer to home and would resent that that donation was made "in their honor." Animal charities? A lot of people wouldn't feel honored because they prefer to help humanity. Environmental charities? These can be very politically charged.

itzMS · May 2013

It's also very AW'ish to have a favor card (or something similar) at every placesetting indicating the charity donation like The Knot article suggests. Obviously, those favor cards cost you money that you could have quietly donated to a charity if that's how you roll. Every single one of those favor cards are going straight to the trash, too.

Many charities also do work against religious beliefs where it wouldn't be outwardly obvious to a casual observer. For example, I'm Catholic, and DH & I have to be very cautious about any charities we may donate to. With so many factors involved, charitable donations are really best to do privately.

Jen4948 · May 2013

There's absolutely nothing wrong with donating to charity of your own funds.

What's not appropriate is to announce that you are doing it "in lieu of" favors or to ask others to do it as "gifts" to you. It just doesn't make you look selfless and generous if you need to make a big announcement of it. Weddings aren't fundraisers or awareness-raising events. People don't attend to find out who you think is "deserving" or "in need"-they're there to celebrate with the couple.

vsgal · May 2013

I am a big opponent to people giving money to a charity in my name. I may not agree with your charity for a number of reasons. I don't like the cause. I don't the distribution of funds. I don't want my name on a list for future calls.

I have my own organizations that I donate to. I give my time. I give items. I do not give money. I don't talk about it. I don't tell people that I have donated. It is distasteful to tell people how I give charity. In an effort to toot your own horn and make yourself look good, you make other people uncomfortable. I would side-eye any wedding that bragged about giving to charity. It is very "look at me. Look at how generous I am! Look at how great I am!"

If you feel strongly about a charity, donate all your gifts and money to that organization. If you want to give a large cash donation on behalf of people, organize a benefit. Do not turn your wedding into an awareness campaign.

Dreamergirl8812 · May 2013

vsgal said:

I am a big opponent to people giving money to a charity in my name. I may not agree with your charity for a number of reasons. I don't like the cause. I don't the distribution of funds. I don't want my name on a list for future calls.

I have my own organizations that I donate to. I give my time. I give items. I do not give money. I don't talk about it. I don't tell people that I have donated. It is distasteful to tell people how I give charity. In an effort to toot your own horn and make yourself look good, you make other people uncomfortable. I would side-eye any wedding that bragged about giving to charity. It is very "look at me. Look at how generous I am! Look at how great I am!"

If you feel strongly about a charity, donate all your gifts and money to that organization. If you want to give a large cash donation on behalf of people, organize a benefit. Do not turn your wedding into an awareness campaign.

Yup.

Latham101114 · June 2013

If you dont need anything then dont have a registry! If you are a non traditional bride then your guests will understand! If you are a traditional bride have a registry with 3 or 4 items. Honestly if people want to give you something they will give it to you... Like everyone else above said its not cool to force your charity allegiance on your guests! You don't want to offend anyone or cause someone to rant at you about how terrible you are for supporting xyz charity.

On the note of your favors like RetreadBride said favors arent required. If you want to give favors awesome, do it. But dont feel obligated. One wedding I went to did the "a gift was given to xyz charity in your honor" cards but they put them in cute frames for the favor. (PS only reason I didnt have an issue was because 1)the charity was the local shelter they and several friends had gotten their dogs from and 2) they gave a blanket amount donation not individual "in honor".)

Jen4948 · June 2013

Latham101114 said:

If you dont need anything then dont have a registry! If you are a non traditional bride then your guests will understand! If you are a traditional bride have a registry with 3 or 4 items. Honestly if people want to give you something they will give it to you... Like everyone else above said its not cool to force your charity allegiance on your guests! You don't want to offend anyone or cause someone to rant at you about how terrible you are for supporting xyz charity.

On the note of your favors like RetreadBride said favors arent required. If you want to give favors awesome, do it. But dont feel obligated. One wedding I went to did the "a gift was given to xyz charity in your honor" cards but they put them in cute frames for the favor. (PS only reason I didnt have an issue was because 1)the charity was the local shelter they and several friends had gotten their dogs from and 2) they gave a blanket amount donation not individual "in honor".)

Many people would find this just as offensive as telling people to donate to charity in the couple's name. I would be deeply offended by someone telling me that a gift to a charity I didn't select is a "gift" to me. It's not, and it used me. It doesn't matter how "cute" the favor is, this doesn't fly.

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