To ask or not to ask

Re: To ask or not to ask

• [Deleted User] member

  

  June 2013 edited June 2013

  1) She doesn't sound like that good of a friend. I don't know why you'd think of asking her.  "Getting along" with someone doesn't mean they should be a bridesmaid just because their SO is in the wedding party.

  2) She's a grownup.  She can sit without him during the ceremony.  She'll see him at the reception.

  3) Your sides DO NOT need to be even.  Don't invite someone just to match up with a member of the other side of the WP. 

  4) All she has to do is show up in the dress on time.  She doesn't need to do anything else.  But, again, she doesn't seem to be close enough to you to ask her. 

  
  

  Go with your gut.  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  June 2013

  It's not that I just get along with her. We really are friends, but in our group of couples she never answers anyone's texts because she is a super homebody and literally sits around until her boyfriend comes home. My fiancé hired him as a second job, so much of the time they are together and we live a couple houses down so its not like she's busy or something. W have the same schedules around our guys. It's just weird that she won't make plans without his permission. Ad I've talked to him about it because a lot of our girl friends thought it was strange, but in the end they all pawn the duty of figuring it out on me because I am closest with her. Se is just closing herself off and I don't want to ask her to be a BM if it is not going to help open her up a little bit. My MOH lives 1000 miles away and my other bridesmaid has a daughter she is busy with a lot so it would be super helpful to have someone I love as a friend there to help me get my sh*t together closer to the big day. I just am in a tough spot because my fiance already asked his groomsmen to be groomsmen without consulting me first. And no matter what my numbers will be uneven but I just don't want to pay out for this girl if she is going to be stand offish. Idk. Guess ill go with my gut. Thanks!

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• AJuliaNJ member

  

  June 2013

  I wouldn't ask her. Your bridal party should be made up of your closest friends and family members and it doesn't seem like you two are close at all.

  
  

  It is one thing for someone not to answer every single text you send, but you said she doesn't even respond to time sensitive ones. I can see that getting frustrating really fast for both you and others involved. 

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  June 2013

  caseycamilla said:

  It's not that I just get along with her. We really are friends, but in our group of couples she never answers anyone's texts because she is a super homebody and literally sits around until her boyfriend comes home. My fiancé hired him as a second job, so much of the time they are together and we live a couple houses down so its not like she's busy or something. W have the same schedules around our guys. It's just weird that she won't make plans without his permission. Ad I've talked to him about it because a lot of our girl friends thought it was strange, but in the end they all pawn the duty of figuring it out on me because I am closest with her. Se is just closing herself off and I don't want to ask her to be a BM if it is not going to help open her up a little bit. My MOH lives 1000 miles away and my other bridesmaid has a daughter she is busy with a lot so it would be super helpful to have someone I love as a friend there to help me get my sh*t together closer to the big day. I just am in a tough spot because my fiance already asked his groomsmen to be groomsmen without consulting me first. And no matter what my numbers will be uneven but I just don't want to pay out for this girl if she is going to be stand offish. Idk. Guess ill go with my gut. Thanks!

  Meh, I wouldn't ask her as a favor to try and get her to open up.  She's an adult.  They typically don't change.  If she wanted to come out, she's be doing that.  Also, I don't think your FI had to consult you before asking his groomsmen.  They're standing next to him, he should be able to choose who he wants to. He shouldn't not have asked this girl's FI just because you didn't want to ask her. 

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• AddieCake member

  

  June 2013

  caseycamilla said:

  Hey everyone, I need a little advice on asking friends to be bridesmaids. My fiance says he is going to ask his good friend to be a groomsmen. I really get along with his friends girlfriend (soon to be fiancée) but only when we are actually hanging out. She is someone who doesn't return my texts, even if they are time sensitive. Just stuff like that that tells me she is not interested in being friends, but she is also notorious for doing that to all of our girl friends. I WAS going to ask her to be a bridesmaid, especially because I don't want her to be without her boyfriend on the day of the wedding and she is tons of fun in person, but I just feel like I am being snubbed by her. It puts me in a weird spot because my fiancé expects her to be in the wedding party (he already has 6 guys he wants as groomsmen and I only have 3 girls including her). I don't know what I should do. I guess my main concern is that bridesmaids are supposed to be supportive of you, but she can't return my texts on a normal day. I am afraid it will be one more thing to stress me out, but I don't want her to feel like I don't want to be her friend if she really is just quiet. If I don't ask I can always say that it is because she will be getting married right after me (like a month after according to her soon to be fiancé), but I really just want to do what's right. So lost, obviously. This post is kind of a mess. -C

  To all the bolded: Why would you even consider this person for standing in your wedding party? You're clearly not close and are barely friends. You're only friends b/c of the boyfriend. 

  
  

  
  

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• calliopeia2013 member

  

  June 2013

  Hypothetical: If she and her boyfriend suddenly broke up tomorrow, would you stay friends with her, and keep hanging out with her independently of her boyfriend?  If the answer is no, don't ask her.

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• cmcole4509 member

  

  June 2013

  So what if your sides aren't even? These ladies here have it right. Big party or small, it should be who YOUR CLOSEST friends are on your side, and his on his side. Even if he has 6 and you have 2. Don't invite her because you may feel obligated. And your fiance should respect that. My fiance was a GM for one of his best friend's weddings a couple years ago, and what did I do? I made sure I looked nice (since he was in a tux and I didn't want to look bad with him) and sat in the appropriate place with everyone else during the ceremony, and waited until he was free at the reception to sit with him. Yes, it was a little awkward because I literally knew no one else there besides the bride and groom, but it still turned out ok. She is a big girl and should be able to handle it for a few hours. If she or her boyfriend have a problem with her not being a BM, then just politely tell them you have your party but would appreciate her presence on that day.

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