Crap my SO says while asleep

CLoGreenEyes · June 2013

I once woke up in the middle of the night to see BF sitting straight up and moving his hands around in a very mystical manner.

Me: BF, whatcha doing?

BF: I'm designing a logo.

Me: Why?

BF: *looks at me condescendingly* Everybody needs a logo.

Me: ...Oh. Well...maybe you could finish that up in the morning?

BF: ...OK! *promptly zonks back out*

The next morning he told me he could vaguely remember the conversation. He said that he could see the logo he was designing like those images in the Star Wars movies they use to plan the attack on the Death Star (please understand what I'm talking about), and he could control its size and shape by moving his hands around. So shame on me for interrupting genius.

Anybody else's SO talk in their sleep? Do they have any stories about you?

DrunkKitten · June 2013

Hahahaha! My husband doesn't usually talk in his sleep, but not too long ago he did, and he was having a conversation with the cast of The Big Bang Theory.

wittykitty14 · June 2013

My FI doesn't talk in his sleep. Although once we both woke up in the middle of the night and started making out. He doesn't remember that...

I'm the one who tends to talk in my sleep. Although, it's been a while. I tend to be looking for things. My mom has witnessed a lot, and she'd have to convince me that we'll look for it in the morning. I was always like "FINE" and was pissy, but went right back to sleep. One time I wandered around the house. According to her, my cat was following me everywhere, haha.

In 8th grade, I went on a class trip to DC. I was sharing a room with two friends, and they said I stood up and started yelling at them and giving orders, that they could barely understand. They just said "what?" I came back with "I am NOT going to repeat myself!!!", and then went back to bed.

Before my dad went to Afghanistan, he was learning Arabic and Farsi. I was learning some of the Arabic with him. Apparently my mom caught me speaking Arabic in my sleep once.

laylasaurus · June 2013

FI talks in his sleep every so often. Usually he'll just start talking about some issue that is bothering him at the moment. I always start off thinking he is trying to have an actual discussion but then it becomes clear he is asleep because most of his statements make no sense whatsoever. Gets me Every. Damn. Time. His train of thought goes all over the place and if I ask "what are you talking about?" he gets all pissy. It is like having a conversation with someone in the middle of an acid trip. It does usually spark good conversation about whatever is stressing him out the next day though. I, on the other hand, have apparently given him hand jobs in my sleep on more than one occasion. So yeah, lucky him.

MistressKytten · June 2013

My FI rambles in some other language. I believe he means it to be English, but I usually can't understand but a word or two. He says I talk about eating mice in my sleep though.

HipsterKitten · June 2013

When we first started dating I was still bartending in the town I lived in, so I would work until 3am and then drive an hour to his house. I hit a raccoon on the highway one night and was pretty upset about it, so I woke him up to tell him about it. He patted my hand and said "Sometimes you can't help but be the hand of God." This is all the more hilarious because he doesn't remember it at all AND he is the most unreligious person in the entire world.

SpaghettiKitten · June 2013

@Amapola14, that is so funny. I love sleep-talking stories. I keep a "note" of everything FI has said in his sleep on my iPhone. He loves hearing them.

One time, FI fell asleep butt naked and he TORE out of bed in the middle of the night and woke me up. When I asked what he was doing, he said, "isn't someone here with us?" I guess he dreamt that his boss was sleeping in bed right between us.

My personal favorite was when he told me in his sleep to "Come over here and make your hands smell like mine."

HornyKitten · June 2013

I'm the one who will actually have conversations with FI and not remember them

StarkKitten · June 2013

I talk a lot in my sleep. We snuggle a lot too

kerbohl · June 2013

Once when I was younger, my mom came into my room and asked me what time my brother had come home. Apparently I just said a random time. The next morning she was talking about how disappointed she was that I had lied to her about something like this. I had no idea what she was talking about - I was completely asleep. She told me that my eyes were open and I had sat up in bed, so she didn't believe me.

CLoGreenEyes · June 2013

@wittykitty14, we have done the same with making out while asleep. We were taking a nap and he started getting handsy, so I was like, "OK, let's do this thing!" So I got really into it and things escalated, ya know. Afterward he asked, "What brought that on?" Apparently he woke up in the middle and just went with it. Sleepy horny bastard :P

WinstonsGirl · June 2013

I've been known to talk in my sleep. DH often does, when he's still falling asleep. He usually starts in Spanish, and I try to talk back, but I really only know 1-3 words. If I start in then in French, he'll talk back to me in French, and finally moves to English as he wakes up a bit more. We'll have full conversations about the presentation I have to give tomorrow (at his job by the way) and the timesheets he needs me to hand in but he never remembers any of it in the morning. It's an endless source of entertainment for me when it does happen!!

staar987 · June 2013

Right after we moved into the apartment we live in now, I woke up one night because the bed was shaking. I live in CA so I figured it was an earthquake. When I opened my eyes, I saw H standing up next to the bed and walking into it repeatedly. I asked what he was doing and he said "The people moving the boxes are so slow. They just can't keep up." I asked what his job was and he told me that he was unloaded all the boxes but the people moving them were just too slow and he was trying to get them to go faster.

Another time, I woke up because the weight on the bed shifted weird. Turns out his knee was right by my head. He was kneeling on the bed, facing the wall. He looked like he was doing some kind of writing or calculations on the wall like it was a white board. I asked what he was doing and he muttered something. A few minutes later he laid back down. He told me that he woke up and sort of remembered this because I kind of woke him up. Apparently he was trying to hold a sign up on the wall.

I used to keep a digital tape recorder by the bed so I could record his conversations. I don't anymore because he isn't as active right now. He is way more active when he is stressed and/or off his meds.

Jessa617 · June 2013

Nobody will compare to my SIL, the stories BIL tells about her is just beyond believable and freaking hilarious.

My own H on the other hand can be pretty funny at times. The most memorable being when he asked if I knew what rainbows were made out of. I told him no and asked him if he knew. He said they are made out of sparkles and puppy dogs. So, my H isn't manly in his sleep...so what?

carpediem27 · June 2013

DH used to talk in his sleep before he got his C-Pap mask... the first time I ever spent the night at his house he said "I will pull out my ninja sword, and we will fight"... I was like "uh, huh?!". He also tried to order Tim Horton's from me one night. It was all very funny.

Peledreamsofrain · June 2013

My H yells at his brother a lot in his sleep. Last night he was upset his brother wasn't helping him to fight giant robots.

WinstonsGirl · June 2013

@carpediem27 - Love for the Tim's order.

kbielenberg · June 2013

I am dying from laughing so hard reading all these stories.

My FI says some stuff every now and then. It is amazing how he can wake me up so fast for me to catch the entire conversation. The most memorable would have to be:

Him: Just steal it already!!
Me: What?
Him: Don't you hear the alarm going off??!
Me: No?

It was hilarious. One time when I was young, I held a conversation with my mom while she was sleeping. She had mentioned she was in the hospital and someone needed to turn off the hamburger light.

allychase · June 2013

The other night in his sleep my H said "whew, a baby is coming"

So yeah...

Ajuliana · June 2013

@allychase well, does he know something you don't? I doubt sleep sex involves contraception...

allychase · June 2013

@alaynajuliana well I did just come off the pill so who knows! That would be one hell of a story if I do end up being pregnant and he called it in his sleep haha

4n6chick · June 2013

Mine will make 'popping' noises with his mouth. And then he'll talk, but it's not in any language, just making noises really. Occasionally he'll say something but not often. He usually only does this when he falls asleep on the couch.

ravenray · June 2013

I love these stories.

The other night H woke me up by trying to get frisky with me. So I said ok, and got up to get something, by the time I came back he had fallen back to sleep. I woke him back up by yelling "Really H? Really? You woke me up for no reasons!" He woke up enough to do his duty and then fell back asleep. I don't like being woken up, I'm cranky -.-

LuckyAloha · June 2013

So funny you brought this up today! I usually sleepwalk/sleep eat (which sucks for my diet) but this morning I woke up on my own downstairs with a dress on a hanger.....I had taken it out of my closet downstairs.

LuckyAloha · June 2013

But I have done many things, I've locked myself out of hotel bedrooms and been stuck outside for hours, eaten conditioner, raw meat...

teacherjodee · June 2013

I'm glad to hear that my FI isn't the only one who gets frisky in his sleep. He always thinks I'm the one who makes the move. This happens at least once a week. I won't actually wake up until halfway through. He thinks something is wrong with him like he's depraved or something lol!

He also sleep eats. He will get up in the middle of the night and have a bowl of cereal. He never remembers doing it!

pesematology · June 2013

My partner talks about spreadsheets a lot in his sleep. He's also shared some improbable-sounding recipes, usually for coconut-based frozen desserts.

CLoGreenEyes · June 2013

@pesematology, I LOLed at the spreadsheets. BF cannot stop creating, adding to, or praising them during waking hours, so I am surprised he doesn't talk about it in his sleep. It's obviously on his mind ALL the time.

ScrubGirl83 · June 2013

Oh where to begin.

My FI's best friend tells the story of when they were kids having a sleepover, my FI got up out of bed, walked over to best friend, grabbed him by the hair, pulled his face in close and said "it's not in your hair either!" and then threw best friend back down onto the bed and went back to sleep. When best friend tells the story it's hileraous because he'll act it out. He says for the rest of the night he was awake with a baseball bat in his bed just staring at my FI.

My FI one time woke me up because he was getting frisky by himself. When I woke him up and asked him what he was doing he just said "I don't know!" and went back to sleep.

He also woke me up one night because he was sitting up in bed singing and dancing. It was odd.

He once told me randomly "I don't want to go eat Swiss pasta!!"

He is constantly doing weird things in his sleep. My favorite has to be best friends story though.

Crap my SO says while asleep

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