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No registry...just money. Living abroad and getting married in the states.

sdwarshawsdwarshaw
in Registry and Gift Forum
My fiance and I live in Israel and plan on getting married in Texas in April. Our problem is that since we live in a different country than where we are marrying we are not sure how to say in a polite way that we cannot take gifts and prefer monetary presents. We also cannot accept gifts being sent to us in Israel since we would be the ones footing the bill for the customs tax which can get out of hand fast! So... my question is.. is there a polite way of explaining on our wedding website and invitations we will not be having a registry? Also, has anyone done something like this before and would be willing to share their experience with us?

Thank you!

S
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Re: No registry...just money. Living abroad and getting married in the states.

  • imimblesimimbles member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    People here are going to complain about you not having a registry, I know this from experience.
    I didn't register either. On the website on my Q&A page there's a question: "Where are you registered"/"We decided not to register." 

    Don't mention money, it's rude. Most people will assume that no registry means you want cash gifts, and others will realize that logistically, it's a challenge shipping things overseas. A few will still likely give you material things, accept these graciously and do with them what you will.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    imimbles said:
    People here are going to complain about you not having a registry, I know this from experience.
    I didn't register either. On the website on my Q&A page there's a question: "Where are you registered"/"We decided not to register." 

    Don't mention money, it's rude. Most people will assume that no registry means you want cash gifts, and others will realize that logistically, it's a challenge shipping things overseas. A few will still likely give you material things, accept these graciously and do with them what you will.
    This.

    Also mention to the big mouths in your social circle how difficult it would be to get gifts over there.  Those people are great at getting the word out.      You will still get some boxed gifts as some people just don't like giving money.  Just accept them graciously.  Maybe bring an extra bag so you can bring it on the plane?  

     We lived in the islands and had to bring some stuff home with us on the plane.  We prepared for that.   NDB.    By the way, those few random boxed gifts (maybe 5-9 gifts rest was cash) are some of my favorite gifts. One was a handmade sign with our name spelled out in marine flags (I have a captain's license).  The wedding money ended up in some random stuff nothing that makes me say "oh so-n-so gave me that".  Every time I see the boxed gifts I always think of my wedding and the people who gave it do us.  It would have been sad to think I would not have gotten some like a handmade item if I had mentioned no boxed gifts.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It's inappropriate to bring up gifts, even if it's to say you don't want any.

    Just don't register and decline any showers.  When people ask (and they will), simply say that you aren't registered and don't need any physical gifts.  

    People aren't stupid.  They understand that it's difficult to take boxed gifts overseas.  Guests who are comfortable giving money will do so.  Guests who don't like to give money will pick something or will skip the gift.  If you don't want to take physical items, you'll have to either donate or sell them.  
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  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Don't have a bridal shower and don't register. People will get the hint. 
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  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    imimbles said:
    People here are going to complain about you not having a registry, I know this from experience.
    I didn't register either. On the website on my Q&A page there's a question: "Where are you registered"/"We decided not to register." 

    Don't mention money, it's rude. Most people will assume that no registry means you want cash gifts, and others will realize that logistically, it's a challenge shipping things overseas. A few will still likely give you material things, accept these graciously and do with them what you will.
    Who does this?

    At any rate, ditto the rest. You don't need to mention that you aren't registering for gifts. Just don't register. You may have one or two physical gifts, but the majority will be cash.
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  • ETowlesETowles
    First Comment
    I'm in your situation, and actually created a somewhat small registry for staple things (nice plates, towels, etc) to keep at my parents' house until we eventually move back (1 year, 5 years, 10 years? who knows)....or bring some of the stuff back with us, but I knew that some older family members and family friends would not know what to do if we weren't registered!  I also created a small Amazon registry in the country where I am living.  You can actually pay with American credit cards and it will get shipped to you normally.  The only problem is not being there to receive the gifts when you are in the States having the wedding!
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