Convalidation Service

lizheartsu · June 2013

Husband and I have a legal marriage, but didn't have the whole big deal day. Now getting marriage blessed my the church and getting things done right. Do I need to wear cream/ivory? or can I wear white? Also how would I go about wording the invites? It will only be immediate family and a couple close friends.

LiLe422 · June 2013

lizheartsu said:

Husband and I have a legal marriage, but didn't have the whole big deal day. Now getting marriage blessed my the church and getting things done right. Do I need to wear cream/ivory? or can I wear white? Also how would I go about wording the invites? It will only be immediate family and a couple close friends.

I understand your desire to have your marriage blessed by the church, but what exactly do you mean by "getting things done right?" I hope you realize that statement is a huge slap in the face to women who did not have the "whole big deal day."

NOLAbridealmost · June 2013

Husband and I have a legal marriage, but didn't have the whole big deal day. Now getting marriage blessed my the church and getting things done right. Do I need to wear cream/ivory? or can I wear white? Also how would I go about wording the invites? It will only be immediate family and a couple close friends.

If would probably be best to do word of mouth invitations or just simple invitations saying that You and H request the honor of the guests' presence at a convalidation of your marriage. You can wear white, but I'd keep the dress simple. Also, I don't know if you realized it, but the "getting it done right" comes off really negatively. That comment offended me and could offend any other brides who had a legal ceremony only.

michellemayawheeler · June 2013

I would sent out inviation letters and wear a simple dress suit for the occassion.

misssunshine17 · June 2013

Your post is a slap in the face to those who had a JOP wedding.

I've been to several convalidations and they just wear nice dresses, not white/cream/ivory. It's not your wedding, it's a blessing of your marriage so don't try to look like a bride since you're already a wife.

artbyallie · June 2013

Your church may very well have guidelines on what they do and do not allow for a convalidation ceremony. And I agree that it is insulting to imply getting married without a 'big deal day' (we call that a Pretty Princess Day around here) isn't 'doing it right.' Obviously it was right enough for you to do it in the first place, no? Why would you have done something that didn't benefit you somehow?

lyndausvi · June 2013

Maybe it's just me, but I just read the OP's comments as she might feel it doesn't "feel right" that she is not married in the church. I'm not sure the OP's religion but I assume she is Catholic so I can understand. Catholic guilty can stay with you a while. We haven't been to church in a long time, but the Catholic guilt thing pops up often with both DH and I. Sometimes it feels "off" that we didn't get married in the church. It's hard to explain. Not that we are going to have a convaildation, but I understand the feelings.

Anyway, the fact she is only have immediate family and a few friends and it wondering what she should wear I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt that this is not a PPD.

I would wear a simple dress, most likely in ivory, but not necessarily. I would have simple invitations and the reception at a restaurant or something.

Peledreamsofrain · June 2013

Convalidations are NOT wedding ceremonies. Wear a very nice cream dress suit, do NOT have a bridal party, and invite a small number of close family and friends to witness it.

STARMOON44 · June 2013

The ladies on the Catholic board probably have good advice about this. I don't think it matters what color you wear, but a big bridal gown would be out of place. The invitation can say "Mr. and Mrs. Husband Name invite you to the convalidation of their marriage [if most of your guests aren't Catholic, I might substitute blessing] at The Church of the Holy Family, the fourteenth of June, two thousand thirteen. Reception immediately to follow at Your Favorite Restaurant."

As long as you're keeping it small, and your reception is along the fancy meal lines (no bouquet toss, garters, big introductions etc) it's appropriate to celebrate the occasion. Don't register, no showers, etc. It's an important church occasion, so think of it like celebrating a first communion or confirmation and you won't go far wrong.

Ajuliana · June 2013

My older brother and his wife had one in California a week after the civil ceremony in Texas. She wore a white cocktail dress and our immediate families were there, and my other brother and I were the witnesses. It was very nice. Funny thing is, my parents considered the wedding in Texas to be the fake, PPD. **Because like @lyndausvi said, Catholic guilt is a hell of a thing and they didn't even consider the legal ceremony a wedding.**

HisGirlFriday13 · June 2013

Ditto PP, I read 'getting things done right' as being a way of saying 'getting things right with the Church,' not the OP saying her first marriage wasn't real.

You could do simple, hand-written invites that just give time/date/place for the ceremony. Don't have attendants. Wear a nice, non-poufy dress. Don't do any of the trappings of a wedding (bouquet toss, garter toss, etc.). If you have it around a meal time, invite everyone out for a meal or over to your house for a meal, no potluck.

Kate61487 · June 2013

I agree the Catholic board would be a great spot to get some additional info (presuming you're Catholic b/c I'm unaware of any other religions doing convalidations). Also you should definitely check with your priest if there are any requirements - I know in my home church convalidations are not supposed to be a big thing, so they would frown on a wedding dress, but different parishes have different rules.

Regardless, I don't think a formal invitation would be out of place, but should be consistent with the reception afterward just like any other event. What StarMoon said sounds good.

MidniteRae · June 2013

lyndausvi said:

Maybe it's just me, but I just read the OP's comments as she might feel it doesn't "feel right" that she is not married in the church. I'm not sure the OP's religion but I assume she is Catholic so I can understand. Catholic guilty can stay with you a while. We haven't been to church in a long time, but the Catholic guilt thing pops up often with both DH and I. Sometimes it feels "off" that we didn't get married in the church. It's hard to explain. Not that we are going to have a convaildation, but I understand the feelings.

Anyway, the fact she is only have immediate family and a few friends and it wondering what she should wear I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt that this is not a PPD.

I would wear a simple dress, most likely in ivory, but not necessarily. I would have simple invitations and the reception at a restaurant or something.

This is what I got from it too. I am Catholic as well and I am not getting married in the church. I most likely with have a convalidation service as well.

As for what to wear, I would probably wear a simple white or ivory dress. I would probably wear one with sleeves or a cardigan over it.

mlg78 · June 2013

My parents had a convalidation service when my dad found out he was dying so the Catholic church would recognize their marriage (despite them already being married for 22 years) and she wore a pink dress that had been hanging in her closet for nearly a decade...

banana468 · June 2013

I also read the OP as "We need to have the wedding blessed in the Catholic Church" and not that they think of a civil union as just paperwork.

Ditto going to the Catholic board and also just keep it understated. Most Catholic churches do not want a couple to confuse a Convalidation with a ceremony of two people who aren't legally wed already.

OliveOilsMom · June 2013

MidniteRae said:

lyndausvi said:

Maybe it's just me, but I just read the OP's comments as she might feel it doesn't "feel right" that she is not married in the church. I'm not sure the OP's religion but I assume she is Catholic so I can understand. Catholic guilty can stay with you a while. We haven't been to church in a long time, but the Catholic guilt thing pops up often with both DH and I. Sometimes it feels "off" that we didn't get married in the church. It's hard to explain. Not that we are going to have a convaildation, but I understand the feelings.

Anyway, the fact she is only have immediate family and a few friends and it wondering what she should wear I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt that this is not a PPD.

I would wear a simple dress, most likely in ivory, but not necessarily. I would have simple invitations and the reception at a restaurant or something.

This is what I got from it too. I am Catholic as well and I am not getting married in the church. I most likely with have a convalidation service as well.
As for what to wear, I would probably wear a simple white or ivory dress. I would probably wear one with sleeves or a cardigan over it.

To the bolded: If you are Catholic and planning to have a convalidation service anyway, why don't you just get married in the Church to begin with? The Chruch doesn't usually just hand out convalidation services. They are usually reserved for people who have fallen away from the Church, get married, then decide to come back to the Church. And they have the convalidation to allow the marriage to be recognized.

MidniteRae · June 2013

OliveOilsMom said:

MidniteRae said:

lyndausvi said:

Maybe it's just me, but I just read the OP's comments as she might feel it doesn't "feel right" that she is not married in the church. I'm not sure the OP's religion but I assume she is Catholic so I can understand. Catholic guilty can stay with you a while. We haven't been to church in a long time, but the Catholic guilt thing pops up often with both DH and I. Sometimes it feels "off" that we didn't get married in the church. It's hard to explain. Not that we are going to have a convaildation, but I understand the feelings.

Anyway, the fact she is only have immediate family and a few friends and it wondering what she should wear I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt that this is not a PPD.

I would wear a simple dress, most likely in ivory, but not necessarily. I would have simple invitations and the reception at a restaurant or something.

This is what I got from it too. I am Catholic as well and I am not getting married in the church. I most likely with have a convalidation service as well.
As for what to wear, I would probably wear a simple white or ivory dress. I would probably wear one with sleeves or a cardigan over it.

To the bolded: If you are Catholic and planning to have a convalidation service anyway, why don't you just get married in the Church to begin with? The Chruch doesn't usually just hand out convalidation services. They are usually reserved for people who have fallen away from the Church, get married, then decide to come back to the Church. And they have the convalidation to allow the marriage to be recognized.

Because in my Diocese, you have to start your Marriage Prep at least 9 months before your wedding and with certain issues that came up(including health issues- I still need to have surgery done), we were not able to do that.

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