How to deal with other beliefs??

rhosocal · June 2013

Hey, my name is amber. My finances family is mixed of pegans, wiccans, atheists and Lutherans. Mine is Christians, Jewish and spiritual god followers. Ultimately I am having a Christian faith based wedding. I go to a Christian church with my fiancé, who is also a converted/new follower (from no belief/not atheist, just not following anything).

The big question is: I can coexist in a church ceremony with these other beliefs, but I know they find it a joke or fake and I don't like that part. How do I let them be at my wedding??

I did already asked my fiancé if I may seat the non-Jesus followers in the back and we agreed to that.

But also his mama is a Wiccan. His mamas parents are a pegan/Wiccan marriage. My fiances parents are divorced. His dad and his dads parents are Lutheren.

My mama is a spiritual Jewish follower, cause my gramps Ben, her dad is Jewish. Most of the rest of my family are only spirtiual god believers.

My fiancé and I, and my finances dads parents/fiances grandparents are the only ones who go to church regularly on Sundays.

I will have Corinthians love verses read and my fiancé and I agree to a worship music peace sometime in the beginning of the ceremony (while everyone takes their seats). And of course the unity candle.

I would sit only his mama near the front, but the rest will have to sit in back. We agreed to it but is it ok to do?? And what other ideas do y'all have to make such a mix of religons/beliefs go on without offending anyone?? Thanks bunches in advanced!!

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nwwoodsybride · June 2013

I don't understand why you are making people sit in the back. I would think they would find that offensive?

We have a mix of everything. I'm really excited to just have the wedding be about us and reflecting our relationship with Christ to everyone. Not in a cramming it down their throats sort of way but where they can watch and celebrate with us. You have an opportunity to show people how incredibly loving God is just having a joyful attitude. By having peace, patience, love, understanding.

I was at a friends wedding and they weren't religious, in fact they had a star wars wedding complete with vows from a official certified jedi. I enjoyed their uniqueness because it was totally them and it was a happy, beautiful wedding.

People don't want to be treated differently. If I had come to the wedding and my friend was worried because I was a Christian, or sat me at a table with all Christians, it would have been uncomfortable.

I think you're overthinking this honestly. Seat family in the front and the rest can sit wherever they like. Jesus went to the tables full of sinners and enjoyed it. He sought out the awkward and socially outcast. He had compassion on them. He met them where they were at in their story. See your guests undefined by their religion or non religion. Focus on making them feel welcome and you've done your part as host.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

@nwwoodsybride basically took the words right out of my mouth.

But, just in case it didn't catch, how would you feel if you went to one of your closest friend's or a family member's wedding and were asked to sit in the back because you didn't believe the same things the couple getting married does? You can't exactly tell people where to sit during your ceremony, beyond "these first two or three rows are for our families". Even then, some family members may not sit in those designated rows. Personally, if I went to my sister's wedding and she asked me to sit in the back because I'm a Christian and she is not, I would be extremely hurt. She is, first of all, my sister.

Who attends/doesn't attend church regularly doesn't really matter, to be honest. I've heard this phrase a few times.... "God doesn't take attendance". If God doesn't, why should you? I know plenty of believers who don't attend, and plenty of non-believers who do attend.

fpaemp2011 · June 2013

I agree with PP's. Does your church have a "nonbelievers" section in the back? Sitting them in the back because of their beliefs is discrimination. If they would traditionally sit closer to the front (we had 3 "family pews" on each side for parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins) then that's where they should be.

If they don't want to come because of your or your FI's religious beliefs/lifestyle/whatever you want to call it, that's their problem. If they come, welcome them with love. Not segregation.

rhosocal · June 2013

Ok thanks everyone. I didn't even realize it could come across as or is discrimination. And I coexist with other beliefs, don't like to shove it down throats. Never ever even meant it that way either.

I was looking at it, at them being the discriminators, that's why I thought to sit them near the back. But I do understand that that's not even how Christians should take it, I see what you mean with just allowing things and showing my beliefs through example.

Any more ways around it, stories that may help, please keep sharing. I could use some mind changing stories. So keep it up, if you got anything else.

But thank you everyone for the help and the twist of reality that I totally didn't even see. Thanks 100000 times, because this subject isn't always an easy one to deal with. Not for my fiancé for sure and then me.

ochemjenn · June 2013

I'm glad that all makes sense to you. I'd feel pretty bad if I had to sit at the back of a wedding because I didn't hold the "right" belief. As a Christian I feel that we need to welcome others - not doing so is not Christ-like. Segregating based on religious beliefs and prioritizing Christians appears elitist and makes other Christians look bad as well.

It never occurred to me to think about the beliefs of our guests. When people see on the invitation that the wedding is in a church, they know to expect religious elements. People who care enough to attend your wedding will not think it is a joke or fake. Although they may not know/understand the spiritual importance it has for YOU, they know that in the end, you are married.

Ash61612 · June 2013

I agree with all the PP's advice. I would be horrified if I had to sit in the back of the church because I didn't share the bride and grooms beliefs. In fact, I would probably leave.

The day is about the two of you celebrating the love for each other and joining as man and wife.

ravenray · June 2013

OP, I have a very traditional Christian faith, where we have a priest and a liturgical service. Most of my guests have never experienced this kind of wedding service before, and I admit I was a little nervous how they would handle it. My MIL in particular doesn't approve yet most people loved it and I received many compliments on the ceremony. My MIL didn't say one discouraging word to me. She was happy because it's a wedding.

I would never seat anyone in the back because they don't share the same faith as I do. That would be so offensive so I am glad you have reconsidered.

No one is going to make comments about your faith on your wedding day. Remember the ceremony is an expression of you and your FI's love and beliefs, this is not shoving your faith down anyone's throat. Unless you are planning to have your pastor preach on why everyone is a sinner and needs to repent and convert to Christianity, you have nothing to fear. Don't be afraid to express your love and desire to follow God. If for some reason, someone does say something negative about your faith, pray for them and ignore their comment. This is one of those things you don't need to worry about. Let it go and if you are still worried pray to God to take away your worry. Christ is here to take on these burdens.

krispi921 · June 2013

As the church, we are called to welcome everyone and show love to everyone. Just go forward with your plans based on your beliefts. Trust your guests to respect your faith during your ceremony (or at least to act appropriately). If you think it would help to list things out in a program to make it easier to follow along, that is pretty common.

ochemjenn · July 2013

Stage brings up a good point about denominations. I was a bridal attendant (don't get me started) in a Catholic wedding. The woman in charge of the rehearsal - the priest wasn't there - was extremely rude to those of us who are not Catholic. Since they were having a full Mass, she said they wanted the whole wedding party to go up for Communion even the Russian Orthodox bridesmaid who would not be allowed to take Communion, but the priest prefers the symmetry of having all of the bridesmaids and groomsmen go up. The other bridal attendant, also Protestant, and I didn't have to go up and not receive since there weren't extra men. I know that the Catholic faith does not welcome others at Communion, but I was bothered that at this church they cared so much about appearances. I won't go into further detail about anything else, because I don't believe this is the norm, but if this had been my first introduction to the Catholic Church, I would think it was very rude and exclusionary.

No matter your denomination, I feel that we should be Christ-like and welcome everyone in a loving manner, no matter their beliefs because you never know if what they will see and hear will bring them

cbrown828 · July 2013

MommyDreamin said:

Ok thanks everyone. I didn't even realize it could come across as or is discrimination. And I coexist with other beliefs, don't like to shove it down throats. Never ever even meant it that way either. I was looking at it, at them being the discriminators, that's why I thought to sit them near the back. But I do understand that that's not even how Christians should take it, I see what you mean with just allowing things and showing my beliefs through example. Any more ways around it, stories that may help, please keep sharing. I could use some mind changing stories. So keep it up, if you got anything else. But thank you everyone for the help and the twist of reality that I totally didn't even see. Thanks 100000 times, because this subject isn't always an easy one to deal with. Not for my fiancé for sure and then me.

This sounds like a pretty big assumption. Of course, I don't have all the info you do, but unless they have said discriminatory things about your faith, they haven't done anything wrong but holding different beliefs. I am glad you are open minded to not sitting people in the back because they don't believe in the same thing you do. They can still sit through the service respectfully and enjoy the committment of two people they all love. I have Jewish, agnostic, and atheist family and friends, and I would never dream of sitting them apart from everyone else.

How to deal with other beliefs??

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