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People invited to shower but not to wedding

imimblesimimbles member
10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

I have a question for you all that I feel really, really bad about having to ask.

My wedding shower was held this weekend. I did not participate in any planning except for providing addresses when requested. I don't live in the same province as my MOH, so I flew there for the weekend and only arrived that morning - this served to really limit the input I had on it.

It was mostly really great and fun. The huge problem is, three people were there who I did not invite to the wedding. Two of them were my mother's friends who I'd never really met before, one was a great-aunt I am not close to.

So this is my question: should I try to do anything to fix this after the fact? The wedding is in five weeks and they'd have to travel: it's too close to send out invitations, I think, but I can if you think it's a good idea. Or should I mention it on the thank-you cards I send them? They each got me a nice gift.

Thanks for any advice you have!

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Re: People invited to shower but not to wedding

  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper

    At five weeks they must have known when attending that they weren't invited to the wedding.  This was the hostess's faux pas, not yours.  I wouldn't bring any attention to it on the thank you notes, just thank them for the gifts and for attending.

    I presume your mom was the one who got these three invited to the shower?  I'd probably make a point of mentioning to her that it made you uncomfortable that these women brought you gifts when they're not even invited to the wedding so that she can apologize to them if necessary.  (If somehow communication lines got crossed and she thought they were invited to the wedding and has been talking to them about it as though they are invited)

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  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Kate is right. Just thank them normally for coming and the gift. It's not your mistake. 
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    This actually happened to me, when I was 22. I was invited to the bachelorette party of a sorority sister; we got along very well but were never that close. One of the bridesmaids that I was close to felt bad to receive so many declines to the bachelorette, so she started inviting more people. 
    I knew I wasn't invited to the wedding but the party sounded fun, so I went. To the bride's credit, she did send me an invitation right after (I suppose she had room for B-list, eh?).  I went, but without a date even though the invite said "and guest", bought gifts, all was well.

    Point being, the bride did invite the rogue party guests because she could. I have to commend her for being up on etiquette where her bridesmaid clearly wasn't.  
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you can't invite the guests, just thank them normally.  It wasn't your faux pas.
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  • annathy03annathy03 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    thisismynickname said:
    This actually happened to me, when I was 22. I was invited to the bachelorette party of a sorority sister; we got along very well but were never that close. One of the bridesmaids that I was close to felt bad to receive so many declines to the bachelorette, so she started inviting more people. 
    I knew I wasn't invited to the wedding but the party sounded fun, so I went. To the bride's credit, she did send me an invitation right after (I suppose she had room for B-list, eh?).  I went, but without a date even though the invite said "and guest", bought gifts, all was well.

    Point being, the bride did invite the rogue party guests because she could. I have to commend her for being up on etiquette where her bridesmaid clearly wasn't.  
    Ugh, similar happened to me in college, but the bride was the one who invited extras to her b-party when others couldn't make it, and day of no less.  Me and the other two girls invited last minute declined, and none of us were invited to the wedding.  We weren't close, so no sleep lost over that one, but it annoyed me.

    Now getting back to our regularly scheduled thread, in this case the OP didn't do anything wrong, and should follow Kate's advice.
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