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MOG wants to host her own dinner BEFORE our ceremony!!

debbie5470debbie5470
First Comment
in Wedding Woes
Ok ladies, so here is my situation.  I am 43 and an encore bride, hubby is 49 and never married.  We are having our ceremony and reception at a local golf club, with the ceremony on the patio and recept. immediately following in the ballroom. Here's the problem, I'm having a cocktail style reception with HEAVY hors d' oeuvres (pasta station with meatballs and chicken, beef tenderloin sandwiches, mashed potato bar etc.) The estimate from the venue is $45 per person, so by no means am I doing this to save money.  Their sit down dinners are less expensive.  MOG thinks that "her guests" will be offended that there is not dinner and she wants to take them to dinner at 3:00pm before our 5:30 ceremony.  And by this I mean, rent a location, hire a caterer, have flowers basically a mini reception for "her guests."  I plan on having "cocktail reception with heavy hors d'oeuvres" in our wedding invitation.  I'm pretty sure anyone we invite can figure out there will not be a sit down "dinner" and can plan accordingly.  I do not want the formality of a sit down function nor do I think it is really appropriate since this is my second wedding.  We have a DJ, so dancing is definitely in the plan.    She dropped this bomb on me via email last week while I was out of town on business and I emailed her the following morning and have not even gotten the courtesy of a reply.  My email was nice and I even sent her a copy of the menu so she could see its not just cheese and crackers.  I am at a loss that she would even think this is somehow ok. Thoughts???
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Re: MOG wants to host her own dinner BEFORE our ceremony!!

  • dharmabunnydharmabunny member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    So if their sitdown dinners are less expensive, why aren't you doing that? To be honest, what you have listed DOES sound like dinner to me with a decent variety. Unless the difference is less food for everyone, no waitstaff, or not enough chairs and tables for butts.

    Although put me personally in the "does not think heavy appetizers = a dinner" category. But that's just me. Lunch, maybe.
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  • SBminiSBmini member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I don't think are hors d' oeuvres. For one, you can't eat pasta with meat balls standing up, and secondly, a steak sandwich is going to fill you up. I see a compromise here. Why not show your FMIL what the food will be like and stop describing it as hor d'oeuvres and instead start referring to it as a "light buffet" and suggest that she host a lunch for family at a restaurant, you know, to save money.

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  • PMeg819PMeg819 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Why isn't your husband talking to her?
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  • SBminiSBmini member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    hmonkey said:
    you can eat pasta and meatballs standing up. you can eat them in a house. you can eat them with a mouse. you can eat them in a box. you can eat them with a fox. you can eat them here or there. you can eat them anywhere.
    Man, I can't find it online, but do you remember the Friend's episode when they had steak at the reception but no tables. Someone says something along the lines of "How are we supposed to eat steak standing up" and Joey walks in holding the steak in his hand and chewing?
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  • PMeg819PMeg819 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Frankly, I'd rather have OP's whore derby than a sh!tty plated meal and it sounds like plenty enough for me. And I'm a big fat azz pregnant or not. So the rest all y'all might want to focus on the actual issue which is the MOG issue. Let them spend their money as they wish. I do want to know more about the mashed potato bar. Because that sounds like something I could really get behind.
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  • MuppetFanMuppetFan member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    "I do not want the formality of a sit down function nor do I think it is really appropriate since this is my second wedding."

    Firstly, While I understand it's your preference and that's fine, it's not inappropriate to have a seated meal if it's your second wedding.

    If this is FMIL's first experience seeing her son get married, her vision of a wedding might not match yours. I would ask FI to talk to her to say that you're having the same amount of food, it's just not plated and ask her not to host the gathering....or perhaps to ask her to make it a breakfast or brunch if she must so that it doesn't interfere with your meal time.


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  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    If I saw "heavy hors d'oeuvres" on an invitation and it was for dinnertime, I would eat beforehand because I would be not be picturing pasta stations and whatever else you mentioned.  So I'm not sure your wording clearly communicates what you plan to serve.
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  • thejucheideathejucheidea member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    @PMeg819 : Mashed potato bars are pretty much the best thing ever. They have them every year at my company's consortium meeting and I go into a potato haze. They even have both white potatoes and sweet potatoes, then they have a whole host of toppings like sauteed mushrooms and onions, cheese, chives, sour cream, et cetera. It's incredible.

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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I adore a mashed potato bar.  The one we were at did all the stuff she mentioned and also had a number of flavored oils that could be mixed in.  It was divine.  
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Our work holiday party had mashed potato bar the last time we went and it was the best thing ever. I'm drooling thinking about it.
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  • tawillerstawillers member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I need to go to an event with a mashed potato bar.  It sounds amazeballs.
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  • PMeg819PMeg819 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    That sounds like a pregnant lady's dream come true. I wonder if I can make that for dinner.
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  • thejucheideathejucheidea member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    We're having one at our wedding because aw yiss.

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  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper

    We did a mashed potato bar for Christmas Eve one year.  It was AWESOME- cheeses, bacon, onions, chicken, broccoli, peas, I even put out gravy.

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  • Chipmunk415Chipmunk415 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    My brother and his wife had a 6 pm ceremony with a cocktail reception. We were a little nervous as to what their idea of "cocktail" meant. It turned out a lot like the OP's idea- 1 prime rib carving station, a bunch of sea food finger options (shrimp cocktail, oysters on the half, etc), and fruit, cheeses, bread and some hot covered containers. Dessert consisted of wedding cake, a bunch of different candy barks, some cheese cake, and a butterscotch pudding with caramel in little baby wine glasses. It was billed as cocktail, but there was plenty of food, and they made sure everyone who wanted to had a spot to sit that wasn't the floor. I don't see a problem with offering lots of small sized items as long as there is enough for each guest to feel full- we certainly did after brother's reception- AND you provide seating, not just high tables for folks to stand and eat at.
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  • debbie5470debbie5470
    First Comment
    Chipmunk 415, yes that is exactly like what I am planning and yes planning to have plenty of both cocktail height and regular tables and chairs for those that want to sit!!
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  • KerisaHarman21KerisaHarman21 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    tawillers said:
    I need to go to an event with a mashed potato bar.  It sounds amazeballs.

    Ha Ha I thought I was the only one who used the word amazeballs!!!!!!
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  • WzzWzz member
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    who cares if the OP wants meatballs standing up.

     

    just tell your FI to handle his mom. if he wants what she wants, then that's a whole other situation to work out.

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  • niki&robniki&rob member
    Second Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    My wedding is my second wedding as well, please do not be to concerned about offending people.  I have been concerned, thankfully the famiyl members i respect the most have told me not to worry.  we are having a traditional wedding, it is my fiances first as well. I have been to a cocktail reception (yours sounds nothing like this by the way, much better!)  there were 350 guests, there were sandwhich tables and hot Hors d'oeuvres coming from the kitchen, there was definitley not enough to go around because i stood near the kitchen and ate as much as i could lol. i was starved because of the weddng time. there were no tables to sit at, everyone got pretty drunk because there had been hardly any food served. I guess this is just an example of what not to do.  all though the bride and groom thought they did a pretty good job planning
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