Honor bride's mother

Re: Honor bride's mother

• MobKaz member

  

  June 2013

  When my children married, I had jewelry made for them using my mother's jewelry.  Wearing that piece on their wedding day was their way of incorporating some "love from above".  

  
  

  Did the bride's mom leave her any jewelry that she could wear on her wedding day?  Is there something she could attach to her bouquet of flowers?  Some brides will incorporate their loved one's favorite flower into the bouquet, or their favorite color into the wedding scheme as a simple and subtle reminder.  

  
  

  I'm not sure what a "memorial window" is or what it entails, but I think the subtle and more personal touches would be more meaningful without becoming overwhelming or maudlin.

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• Jen4948 member

  

  June 2013

  I have to agree.  "Memorials" can be too grief-evoking, and that's not what you want at a wedding, which is supposed to be a happy occasion.  There are ways to "remember" deceased loved ones, such as carrying or wearing something associated with them, giving them tributes in wedding programs, and providing food, drink, decorations, and/or entertainment that they would have enjoyed.  But too overt "memorials" can evoke too much pain and loss.
  

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• kmmssg mod

  

  June 2013

  I am a 3 time MOB and I was orphaned as a child.  My mom wasn't there for either of my weddings or the births of my children.

  
  

  I would ask your friend to speak with the rest of her family about this memorial widow.  While it may bring her some comfort (or sobbing tears), it could bring some very unwelcome emotional reactions from others in the family.

  
  

  Your friends Dad, her grandparents, her siblings, and her aunts and uncles will certainly be painfully aware of her mom's absence at the wedding and reception.  Seeing this memorial window may not be something they will welcome as they are keeping many emotions in check for the wedding.  It may start some tears and sobbing and I'm sure that isn't her intent.  This will affect all of them as much as it will affect her and she needs to be very mindful of that.

  
  

  As far as what you do?  In all honesty, do NOT surprise her with anything.  It is very very hard to be putting on your gown and veil without your mom.  She will already be emotional about not having her mom there so please, NO surprises!

  
  

  Ask her if you can help her affix a piece of jewelry to her bouquet or inside her dress. ASK her if there is something you can do for her to help include her mother.  Let her drive that train all the way.

  
  

  Your heart is in the right place, but this is very touchy and sensitive territory.  I can promise you that ANYTHING anyone does to include her mom is going to make her cry a little.  It just comes with the territory.

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• manateehugger member

  

  June 2013

  I completely agree that you should NOT surprise her Please don't do this. 

  
  

  I was close to my grandmother before she died a few years ago. When I bought my dress, my mom asked me if I'd like to wear her favorite earrings down the aisle. I started crying in the salon (and I'm not a crier). I can't imagine how much of a mess I would have been if my mom surprised me with the earrings the day of my wedding. 

  
  

  You're very kind to think of her like this. But please check in with the bride and her family before you do anything. The best tributes I've seen are subtle - the bride wearing someone's jewelry, using a favorite flower, small note in the program, etc. 

  

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• misssunshine17 member

  

  June 2013

  I know you have good intentions, but please don't do this. The bride will be very aware her mother isn't there. 

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• NOLAbridealmost member

  

  June 2013

  Oh my.  I know your heart is in the right place, but I don't think it's appropriate, advisable, or considerate to try to surprise your friend with an honorarium to her mom. 

  
  

  I disagree with previous posters who think you should ask your friend about her plans for the memorial window.  While I think the memorial itself is not a good idea for the reasons PP stated, I think your job as the best friend is to not question it and let that topic be addressed, if at all, by the family.

  
  Fatty Blog

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