this is the code for the render ad
Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Woes
Wedding Woes
New Discussion

Teens Bringing a "plus one"

QkellygirlQkellygirl
10 Comments
in Wedding Woes

My FI has three nieces ages 15-18 who are spoiled rotten by their parents and grandparents. (MIL gives money as their mom is always crying poor, however the new hardwood floors and marble tub didn't install themselves, but I digress) and I know these girls will want to bring a friend to the wedding even though they'll most likely be texting/FB'ing the whole time. (none have steady boyfriends). His sister will allow it and just not tell us before hand, they'll simply show up with three extra people in tow yet the gift amount will not cover extra plates. I know I will lose my cool. Any ideas how to quash this before it starts?

Tidbit: Grandma bought the oldest TWO $600 prom dresses as she was going to 2 dances at different schools. Those cost more than my wedding gown!

Report Reply to Post

Re: Teens Bringing a "plus one"

  • tawillerstawillers member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Qkellygirl said:

    My FI has three nieces ages 15-18 who are spoiled rotten by their parents and grandparents. (MIL gives money as their mom is always crying poor, however the new hardwood floors and marble tub didn't install themselves, but I digress) and I know these girls will want to bring a friend to the wedding even though they'll most likely be texting/FB'ing the whole time. (none have steady boyfriends). His sister will allow it and just not tell us before hand, they'll simply show up with three extra people in tow yet the gift amount will not cover extra plates. I know I will lose my cool. Any ideas how to quash this before it starts?

    Tidbit: Grandma bought the oldest TWO $600 prom dresses as she was going to 2 dances at different schools. Those cost more than my wedding gown!

    I was in your corner until you made this statement.
    Report Reply
  • QkellygirlQkellygirl
    10 Comments

    I questioned putting that in there to be honest because for years I objected to the idea that a guest's gift must cover his or her plate amount. It sounds very selfish, but at the same time I see how these kids get away with everything. They have no idea the value of money. Yesterday I was at a grad party at their house when the youngest (by far the brattiest of them all) threw a fit because they don't have a swimming pool like her friends. It was all I could do to smack her and say: "you do know that your mom swore she couldn't afford to feed you last week right?"

    Its not just expense, its table seatings, etc. Not to mention basic common courtesy. If I came to the grad party with three extra people unannounced his sister would have freaked. The kids don't like me because I tell them "no," I've scolded them for interuppting or cutting in line and I've intercepted Grandpa from giving them money for doing a half-a**ed job on chores or no chores at all. They don't know what to make of an authoritive adult, its a foreign concept.

    I guess my point is that it my a special day for me and my fiance and having to rearrange seating or pay for extra plates at the last minute will just add extra stress, not to mention life-long animosity.

     

     

    Report Reply
  • tawillerstawillers member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper

    I would have still been ok with "we can't afford 3 extra strangers".  Perfectly acceptable.  But I hate when people pull out the gift crap.

    Report Reply
  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I have no idea how to "quash" this beforehand if you think this sister will just show up with three unexpected guests unannounced.  Just address the invite in a way to say that "5 spots have been reserved in your honour" and address it specifically to the sister and husband, and then the three girls.  But if you think she will still show up with three friends to her girls in tow, that won't stop her. 

    The entitlement of the next generation makes me weep.  That and parents that spoil their children at the expense of others. 

    Report Reply
  • SBminiSBmini member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I totally get not wanting to pay for friends of guests to attend. How about calling up their mom and saying that you are calling all invitees with potential +1s to let them know that with the current head count, you will not be able to provide food or seating for any guests who are not significant others.
    image
    Report Reply
  • QkellygirlQkellygirl
    10 Comments
    These are nieces and nephews, immediate family. (I don't have any of my own) They are also teens so older. He is very close with them, sees them almost once a week.
    Report Reply
  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I think the bigger question here is what does your FI want. Does he want to allow plus-ones for them for the sake of keeping the family peace? If so, then suck it up and do it. This isn't a hill worth dying on. And it's REALLY not worth starting a family feud over.

    Also, from your post, it sounds like you've over-stepped your bounds. You aren't related to these kids, so it's not your job to interfere with their relationship with their grandparents (I.e., stopping grandpa from giving them money).

    Honestly, you sound jealous. Get over it, invite these kids with plus-ones, and have done with it.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    Report Reply
  • QkellygirlQkellygirl
    10 Comments

     Ha My fiance is even more of a penny pincher than I am!

    lemclane: I'll be expecting your check to cover the extra expense :)

    Report Reply
  • SBminiSBmini member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    scribe95 said:
    I'm just pointing out that you really aren't having a no kids event between this thread and the other one. The thread you refuse to acknowledge my question on - the fact that you are inviting kids to the ceremony but then kicking them out of the reception to save money.
    I don't really count teenagers as children. Maybe I'm alone in that thinking.
    image
    Report Reply
  • CowgirlK39CowgirlK39 member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    I was against a family friend of ours bringing her bf. She was 16 and he was 22, which I thought was pretty awful. My mom insisted she be allowed a +1 and sure enough, she brought him. But in the whole scheme of things, I didn't even notice him or get to talk to them at all. They left early. So it doesn't always turn out to be a day-ruining thing. But I like an idea that PPs had.... Invite only the girls with no plus one. If they reply that they are bringing one, tell them no. If they show up with them anyway, do no supply a meal or a seat. I wouldn't be thrilled if THREE random friends of some teens were to show up at my wedding. I don't care who you are, that's rude.
    Report Reply
  • jarednmeganjarednmegan member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Qkellygirl said:

    I questioned putting that in there to be honest because for years I objected to the idea that a guest's gift must cover his or her plate amount. It sounds very selfish, but at the same time I see how these kids get away with everything. They have no idea the value of money. Yesterday I was at a grad party at their house when the youngest (by far the brattiest of them all) threw a fit because they don't have a swimming pool like her friends. It was all I could do to smack her and say: "you do know that your mom swore she couldn't afford to feed you last week right?"

    Its not just expense, its table seatings, etc. Not to mention basic common courtesy. If I came to the grad party with three extra people unannounced his sister would have freaked. The kids don't like me because I tell them "no," I've scolded them for interuppting or cutting in line and I've intercepted Grandpa from giving them money for doing a half-a**ed job on chores or no chores at all. They don't know what to make of an authoritive adult, its a foreign concept.

    I guess my point is that it my a special day for me and my fiance and having to rearrange seating or pay for extra plates at the last minute will just add extra stress, not to mention life-long animosity.

     

     

    image
    I agree that teens probably don't need to bring guests, especially if you didn't making seating or food arrangements for them. This a wedding, not a prom.

    But I think you're getting a little too worked up over the whole matter, especially considering that last sentence. "Lifelong animosity"? Really?!?!?!?!
    image
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards