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Purchasing one bridesmaids dress but not the others?

ShrimpeyShrimpey member
Eighth Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi there

I am wondering if it's acceptable to offer to pay for one bridesmaid's dress and not the others? The bridesmaid in question is a really good friend (we're like sisters) she's recently lost her job and I don't want her to feel like she can't be a part of my wedding as she can't afford to buy a dress. The other people in my bridal party are another friend and both of my sisters. Would it be ok to just pay for the one dress or should I offer to pay for them all? or would it be better to let this friend be a guest and not in the bridal party?

any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you
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Re: Purchasing one bridesmaids dress but not the others?

  • radleybooradleyboo member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Quietly offer to pay for the dress.  Say something like, "I'm so sorry to hear about your job loss.  It's very important to me that you're still in the wedding, so I'd like to offer to pay for the dress if that would help you out."  Leave it up to her to decide if she wants to take you up on it, maybe she has the money set aside already.  As for the others, it's understood that when you agree to be a BM, you are agreeing to purchasing a dress of the bride's choosing, within reason of course.  If I was in your bridal party, I wouldn't be insulted at all that you are helping her out during such a tough time.  It's a very kind thing to do.  Hope she finds another job soon.
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  • tammym1001tammym1001 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I think it would be ok, but it needs to be handled delicately. If you think your other girls might get mad maybe you could just keep it between you and that bridesmaid. Also, if you think she might be embarassed then I would just keep it between the two of you.
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It would not be better to "let her be a guest". It would be firing her. She can always decide that she'd rather be a guest if she wants.

    I don't see any issue with paying for just her dress. Do it discreetly, and let her know that you're just doing it for her because obviously you don't want her spending any money on you while she's looking for work.
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  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited June 2013
    If you do, do not tell anyone. I was a BM and the bride paid for one girls dress because she didn't work or drive (by choice). I was pissed because I was a college student busting my ass, but I made my priorities but could have used her paying for my dress, too. The bride told me she said, so I was irritated. 


    ETA: OP, I do think you should buy the dress because if you want her standing next to you, I would just advise to not say anything to others. 
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  • runpipparunrunpipparun member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited June 2013
    Are all dresses out of her budget at this point? Or could you find a suitable dress at a lower price point that all the BMs could afford?

    I could see that paying for her dress quietly would be an option, but I could also see where the other BMs, right or wrong, might get upset about it.

    ETA: And for whatever reason, things like this rarely stay between the two parties who agree to keep it a secret.
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  • NOLAbridealmostNOLAbridealmost member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    I think it's completely fine. It's a private gift between the two of you and does not need to involve anyone else. 

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I had originally planned to do the same thing because it was the only way my best friend could afford to be in my wedding which I had dreamed up since we were 13 (I was 39 when I got married). Anyways, I was actually able to find the dresses for the other 3 girls on e-bay, right size & colors for $40, so with BM permission I ordered "gently used" dresses for them, got them dry-cleaned & since it was so affordable, I gifted them all their dresses.

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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    I did this for one of my BMs who is in nursing school, got laid off from job she was using to pay for it and is barely getting by. She's my best friend and I didn't want money to get in the way of her standing up in my wedding. She understands I'm not doing it for everyone else and is keeping it between the two of us. 
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  • ShrimpeyShrimpey member
    Eighth Anniversary First Comment
    edited June 2013
    Thank you for all the responses.
    I will discuss this with my friend in private as I don't want to embarrass or upset her and I definitely don't want it to become an issue within the bridal party and I also don't want her to feel like an article of clothing that she will most likely wear once is more important than our friendship because it's not.
    Thanks again for helping me out with this dilemma



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