.

JuniperTea330 · June 2013

NYCMercedes · June 2013

Have your brothers stand up for you.

CallaLily25 · June 2013

I like NYC's suggestion. Another suggestion is to have them as readers (if they're comfortable with that). Otherwise, any other "job" won't be much of an honor to them. It would be better to have them on your side or just have uneven sides.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

Yeah, have them do a reading or (if you're having a full mass - I wasn't sure what your ceremony plan was), have them bring up the gifts. I wouldn't make up a role just to give them one. Also I don't think you should try to tell your FI to put them on his side. They've only hung out a couple of times, they're not friends, so that's not really fair. He should get to choose.

It's times like these I'm so glad I have a brother who is thrilled with the idea of just having to show up and drink free drinks.

MrsMack10612 · June 2013

I also like NYC's suggestion.

I have 2 brothers, 1 sister, H is an only. My sister was a BM, 1 of my brothers was a GM and escorted me down the aisle, the other played the prelude music (he's a guitarist) as guests were being seated.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

Also, I've seen siblings be ushers, but not everyone has those.

JuniperTea330 · June 2013

Thanks for your suggestions. I'm def having my dad walk me down the aisle. My parents are divorced so at least one of my bros will escort her. You are right, LMc0322, I wouldn't want my fiance to feel like he needs to choose my brothers over his closest friends. And my brothers are laid back and would prob be just as happy escorting my mom, or something like that. MrsMack, thanks so much for your suggestion! One of my brothers is a musician, as well, so that would be perfect for him. :-)

[Deleted User] · June 2013

Sounds like a great plan! Plus, I don't see why FI wouldn't want to include them in the bachelor party-- that would be really fun for all of them

They could offer to throw him one or, if the GMs are already on it, offer to help plan it (do men plan these things? Or do they just show up somewhere? They're a mystery sometimes)

MrsMack10612 · June 2013

@jackiepoll1 - I have, we'll say an interesting, relationship with my dad so he wasn't really a candidate for escorting me; which is why I had my brother do it.

Don't stress too much about them being involved. As some of the wise regs around here like to say, being an invited guest is an honor too.

phira · June 2013

I wanted no wedding party, but my partner is very close to his two brothers (his only siblings) and wants them to be groomsmen. I've decided to ask my best friend and my sister to be my bridesmaids, but that leaves my brother out (I don't care about the parties being even, but my brother hasn't been that supportive of me or my relationships, now or in the past).

We're currently thinking about having him walk my mom down the aisle, and maybe giving him one extra thing to do during the reception, so he feels like he's honored in some way.

NerdyLucy · June 2013

We're not having a wedding party, but if we did, I'd ask my brother to stand up as my "Man of Honor."

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

Your brothers can stand up on your side - that'd be really sweet to have both siblings standing up on each others' respective sides. If you don't want men standing up on your side, have them both be ushers, readers, musicians, etc.

Kate61487 · June 2013

jackiepoll1 said:

I always pictured myself having a small, tight-nit wedding party because that fits me. I’ve always been one happy with just a few close friends, and my fiancé is the same way. 4 attendants for each of us seems the perfect number to me because in photos it would be 10 of us total and that already seems huge to me. (We’re having 100 guest wedding). The conundrum, however, is that he has three brothers (and no sisters,) all of whom he is very close with, so one of them is the best man and the other two are groomsmen. I have two brothers and no sisters, and they want to be involved and I want them to feel special. They’re friendly with my fiancé, but have only hung out together maybe once or twice, but I know they would want to attend the bachelor party and will grow closer over time. If we include my brothers as groomsmen, we’re already at 5 male attendants who are all family. I know from the beginning my fiancé wanted two of his close friends as groomsmen, as well, so if you add them it would come to 7 male attendants, and I would absolutely need to have the same number of female attendants (I’m OCD like that. Haha). Now we’re looking at 16 people in photos which stresses me out just to think about!

Any advice on how we can get my brothers involved in a way that will make them feel special, but not necessarily as groomsmen? Anyone know of any similar situations with siblings of the bride/groom?

Please don't put numbers above people. Your fiancé should get to choose whoever he wants to stand up for him regardless of numbers (as should you). Based on what you've told us there are at least 5 guys he wants to ask and you're claiming 4 would be the perfect number so PLEASE don't tell him he has to cut someone to fit your wedding "vision".

Sounds like you figured out what you'd like to ask your brothers to do - I just saw the mixed math up there and wanted to make sure you don't put a completely arbitrary restriction on your FI's WP.

JuniperTea330 · June 2013

I'm not...hence why I'm asking for advice on what other roles are avilable for my brothers...Thank you everyone who provided useful advice.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

Well this was a weird DD. I thought everyone was pretty helpful.

Kate61487 · June 2013

LMc0322 said:

Well this was a weird DD. I thought everyone was pretty helpful.

agree. and it was quoted.

vanityink · June 2013

LMc0322 said:

Well this was a weird DD. I thought everyone was pretty helpful.

I'm guessing didn't like Kate's answer. Though she also quoted OP, so DDing did nothing...

[Deleted User] · June 2013

Liatris2010 said:

jessicadall said:

LMc0322 said:

Well this was a weird DD. I thought everyone was pretty helpful.
I'm guessing didn't like Kate's answer. Though she also quoted OP, so DDing did nothing...
Too bad Kate's answer was spot on.

Agreed. And it wasn't rude or anything-- it couldn't even be considered rude or mean to even really sensitive people... so I don't get it.

JuniperTea330 · June 2013

Wow. This was my first post ever on the Knot and it will definitely be the last. A simple question of advice has been clearly misinterpreted by you all and now I'm being attacked. I tried to delete my discussion once I saw it was being misinterpreted because it hurts me that anyone would begin to think I wouldn't allow my fiance to have the groomsmen he wants. I regret divulging so much of my feelings on this board which I thought would be supported by other bride-to-be's buzzing with the same excitement I have for my wedding day.

I didn't expect to be attacked, so I left out the facts that it's a small venue, that we're on a budget and keeping the attendants to a minumum was one of our ideas to help keep down costs. I thought it went without saying that my fiance is just as unsure as I am because he wants my brothers involved as well.

Long story short for those of you with reading comprehension trouble: I was asking what other roles in the wedding could be suggested for my brothers so that they will feel special on my wedding day. How some of you interpret that as me selfishly commandeering the wedding is beyond me. Please do yourselves a favor, and get a life!

AllieBear725 · June 2013

jackiepoll1 said:

Wow. This was my first post ever on the Knot and it will definitely be the last. A simple question of advice has been clearly misinterpreted by you all and now I'm being attacked. I tried to delete my discussion once I saw it was being misinterpreted because it hurts me that anyone would begin to think I wouldn't allow my fiance to have the groomsmen he wants. I regret divulging so much of my feelings on this board which I thought would be supported by other bride-to-be's buzzing with the same excitement I have for my wedding day.

I didn't expect to be attacked, so I left out the facts that it's a small venue, that we're on a budget and keeping the attendants to a minumum was one of our ideas to help keep down costs. I thought it went without saying that my fiance is just as unsure as I am because he wants my brothers involved as well.

Long story short for those of you with reading comprehension trouble: I was asking what other roles in the wedding could be suggested for my brothers so that they will feel special on my wedding day. How some of you interpret that as me selfishly commandeering the wedding is beyond me. Please do yourselves a favor, and get a life!

Nobody attacked you.....

AllieBear725 · June 2013

I also don't have a reading comprehension problem. Nobody attacked you at all. Everyone here gave perfectly good advice to you. If you choose not to listen or take it, that's your decision.

MrsMack10612 · June 2013

Andplusalso, Stage was pointing out how rude it is to claim OCD as a reason for this. As this is a real medical condition and just because you like things "just so" doesn't make you OCD.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

Posts can get very snarky sometimes. This post definitely wasn't one of them.

Peledreamsofrain · June 2013

Post removed due to GBCK

vanityink · June 2013

bunni727 · June 2013

@Peledreamsofrain, don't you know that only visible health problems are legitimate enough to be offensive?

A similar one is when people say, "It was so scary, almost gave me a panic attack!" It's possible, but they're probably being hyperbolic. And insensitive.

MuppetFan · June 2013

JuniperTea330 said:

Wow. This was my first post ever on the Knot and it will definitely be the last. A simple question of advice has been clearly misinterpreted by you all and now I'm being attacked. I tried to delete my discussion once I saw it was being misinterpreted because it hurts me that anyone would begin to think I wouldn't allow my fiance to have the groomsmen he wants. I regret divulging so much of my feelings on this board which I thought would be supported by other bride-to-be's buzzing with the same excitement I have for my wedding day.

I didn't expect to be attacked, so I left out the facts that it's a small venue, that we're on a budget and keeping the attendants to a minumum was one of our ideas to help keep down costs. I thought it went without saying that my fiance is just as unsure as I am because he wants my brothers involved as well.

Long story short for those of you with reading comprehension trouble: I was asking what other roles in the wedding could be suggested for my brothers so that they will feel special on my wedding day. How some of you interpret that as me selfishly commandeering the wedding is beyond me. Please do yourselves a favor, and get a life!

I don't understand your problem. At all. Which opinion did not coincide with the answer you wanted to hear that now makes you upset with the board?

r&c14 · June 2013

Speaking as someone who suffers daily from OCD and is in therapy and takes medication for it, it really hacks me off when people say "blah blah, I'm OCD hehe". Maybe she is, maybe she isn't, but I do have it and I don't like the way people portray it.. its disabling! Thanks all who stood up about what OP said

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