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Bridesmaid drama

Taz200284Taz200284
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
My best friend of 15 years did not invite me to be in her wedding!! She says that its traditional to have all her future SIL in her wedding party. Im really hurt. Im getting married 9 months after her and debating on having her in my wedding... But i know ill be sad if shes not... What do i do??
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Re: Bridesmaid drama

  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I'm sorry she didn't ask you to be a bridesmaid. I know I would have been hurt too - especially with that lame reason. I don't know where she got that "tradition" - my future sister-in-law will not be a bridesmaid in my wedding. 

    But, being a bridesmaid is not tit for tat. If you would like her to be a bridesmaid in your wedding, just ask her. Think about how she's made you feel by not asking you; if you know she'll be hurt and you want her up there, just ask. Friendships should not be an exchange of hurts. 
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited June 2013
    Weddings are not tit for tat.Just because she didn't have you in hers does not mean you can't ask her to be in yours. To do so would be petty. 

    ETA: I understand being upset. I was not asked to be a bridesmaid in a good friend's wedding many years ago b/c her fiance felt he didn't know me well enough. Lame.  I got over it, and we remained friends, though. 




    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • auriannaaurianna member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    That's a bummer. I'd be sad too. But are there a lot of other friends in the bridal party or is it just her FSILs / any other family she might have asked?
    Regardless, and especially if all of her bridesmaids are family (or future family), if she's still important to you, totally ask her to be your bridesmaid when the time comes.

    She's probably just trying to earn good will / get closer with her new family. I'm sure she still loves you and would be totally thrilled to be in your wedding party.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It's OK to be sad.   I wasn't a BM in a friend's wedding and I was bummed a bit.   BUT, I was still happy for my friend and just as happy to be there as a guest.


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  • Taz200284Taz200284
    First Comment
    Thank you everyone for all your help! I know im just being selfish. Ill be a better friend <3:)
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  • wittykitty14wittykitty14 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper

    One of my friends asked me to be a bridesmaid...and then took it back a few weeks later.  She decided she didn't want any more than 3 in her party or something.  It hurt, but I didn't think too much of it.  She and I are still incredibly close.  I still asked her to be one of my maids.

    Don't include or exclude anyone from your BP based on outside forces.  If she's your friend and you want her up there, go for it!  :)

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  • IlumineIlumine member
    Ninth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    There are SOOOO many variables to weigh when one chooses a bridesmaid/MOH.  Many that have nothing to do with YOU.  

    Heck, it could be that in HER family/culture, it is traditional to have family or future inlaws.  Just because it is not an AMERICAN tradition (ie traditions pushed by a wedding industry) doesn't mean that it is wrong.  

    She could have used that as an excuse because she is getting horrendous pressure by her Fiancee or future inlaw, that is just easier to go with that excuse for EVERYONE instead of being honest and dealing with pressure from other sources. 

    Maybe she really wants to make this wedding about the blending of two families and this was her way of getting out of having to debate her friends.  

    Or maybe she just doesn't feel that you are the right fit for her wedding for some reason, but the reason is not enough to end a friendship over.  

    Hell, maybe she doesnt want to be in your wedding for some reason (finances or she doesnt like one of your other friends and doesnt want to deal with her) and is hoping you DO make it a tit-for-tat thing.  

    Whatever the reason, she is not asking you to end your friendship, she is just not asking you to be in her wedding.  
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  • winelover123winelover123 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I don't see how a family-only BP is a faux pas - the bride can ask anyone she wants, even if they are only family. There's nothing wrong with that.

    I'm sorry you feel hurt - I would too. Maybe she didn't ask you because she felt if she asked you, she'd have to ask other friends, or maybe she couldn't swing extra BM presents and bouquets. Whatever the reason, try to let it go and enjoy the wedding as a guest.
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