Patience ..

seddy103 · June 2013

First time writing anything on this site but I've been a longtime reader, so I feel like it's ok to 'vent'.
My bf and I have been together for almost 6 years. We've both known for a long time that we were both in this for life, but last April I had a death in the family which really hit home on the fact that you really never know when something could happen. It was then that we decided for certain that we would get married. It is well known to both of our families what our plans are, and yet here we are, over a year later, still not engaged.
Here's the somewhat venting part:
We don't have money. Between paying for our car, our insurance, living expenses, and everything else, the money just isn't there for a ring. Don't mistake this as me complaining about my bf, I know that if the money was there I would've had a ring long before now. I'm just frustrated at how difficult this is.
Why can't we all just go back to being kids, when monopoly money was accepted at our made-up kiddie stores??

Swazzle · June 2013

That is frustrating.

Have you guys worked out a budget so that you can see if there is extra money that you can be putting away (not just for a ring, but just to have in savings in general)?

My H and I were not good at saving at all. When we got engaged we sat down and figured out how much money we could put into savings each month. It was amazing to me to see how much money we spent on things we didn't need when we could have been putting it into savings for years.

CLoGreenEyes · June 2013

I hear ya on the money, but if you have $50 or whatever for the license and can support yourselves, is the ring really necessary? Don't get me wrong, I totally undetstand wanting the symbol, but we've got to remember that it's not everything, not even close. As my BF told me recently, the purest thing about getting married is that moment where you promise each other everything you say in yourvows - no embellishment necessary. Hang in there! Remember, you already have what is truly important.

leia1979 · June 2013

buggle2 said:

You don't need a ring to be engaged, and you don't need rings to get married. The only think you DO need is a marriage license, and those are about 50 bucks. If you want the ring and wedding that's fine, but don't say you can't get married because you can't afford the optional things.

THIS. Plus, if you do really want rings, they don't have to be expensive.

If you don't already, look into budgeting tools like Mint.com to help you manage your money.

500days · June 2013

I used to be where you are not too long ago. I just started making money and it really hasn't made anything engagement or marriage wise speed up. My motto in life has always been "when you want something bad enough you will make it work." It has proven to be true throughout my life. We have bought a stone, but haven't gone shopping for settings because something else always comes up. Have you checked out moissanite or asha stones? They are way less expensive and will last. Just throwing that out there.

lennonkdc · June 2013

@buggle2 is 100% correct.

My FI and I were together for 9 years before we got engaged, and we had both known that we were 'in it for life' for about that long. We are waiting till next year to have our wedding so we can afford one.

I know waiting is frustrating- but you and your SO need to sit down and get on the same page about what you want wedding wise (timeline/budget/etc.) and start putting away a little bit each week/month to help get you there. It will make you feel better to have a timeline and to be doing something proactive!

bethsmiles · June 2013

I agree with everything the PPs said. My BF and I have been together for almost 5 years and money is a huge reason we haven't gotten married yet. We are both students (now both with bachelors but still continuing our education) and school eats up a lot of our money so budgeting is critical for us. It's really hard to see how much you could be saving until you sit down and lay everything out.

But like @buggle2 said, you don't need a ring to get engaged or married. It's fine if you want those things just know you don't have to have them

Nari28 · June 2013

I agree with everyone else. A ring is not necessary, however, if you want it get a cheap one. I see them on the home shopping channels all the time. For about 40 bucks (or cheaper!) you can be engaged. You also have to let your future FI know that you're ok with wearing a "not diamond ...but just as fabulous ring." Some men just have very traditional ideas in their head. Good luck.. and happy future engagement!!

relliotts · June 2013

You don't need a ring, but I understand wanting one

Do you absolutely need a diamond? Groupon often has nice CZ sets - an engagement ring and a wedding band - for $19.99. You can always upgrade later, maybe for a milestone anniversary, if the diamond is important to you. Many CZ rings are nice enough that you can't really tell the difference with the naked eye.

With my first marriage, we were BROKE. We found a really beautiful engagement set at an antique store. White gold, with a dark green tsavorite (green garnet) as the main stone and small accent diamonds. I think we paid $300 for the set, and I wore it for 11 years before ex-H gave me a diamond set for our 10 year anniversary. I loved that set. It was beautiful, unique, and very much "me". That might be an option for you guys.

CrazyCatLady3 · June 2013

I agree, if the cost of the ring is the only thing holding you back, get a good quality CZ and silver ring for $40 (check out etsy) and upgrade down the road.

bethsmiles · June 2013

I agree with the PPs who have suggested going a less expensive route. There are a lot of options other than getting a diamond. I really wanted a colored stone so that has cut down on the price of the rings BF and I looked at by a lot.

CZ is another choice. There is also moissanite http://www.moissaniteco.com/ Several women on here have moissanite rings and they are gorgeous

[Deleted User] · June 2013

Another place you can look for beautiful and inexpensive rings is overstock.com. I am blown away by rings that are thousands of dollars, and I was very pleasantly surprised to see nice rings at a cheaper price at that website. They also have CZ rings which are inexpensive and gorgeous.

runpipparun · June 2013

I'm probably not the greatest person to ask, because we set a date and started planning our wedding after six months of being together (we're old). And we didn't choose a ring until a few months later. But if I'd wanted a flashy diamond ring with pave stuff like my SIL, I'd STILL be waiting. Instead, we chose a sapphire, which is GORGEOUS to me, and is already paid off after a year. (Having it paid off is awesome, because we both have student loans to pay on, too. My brother is going to be paying on my SIL's ring for a LONG time.) Diamonds are beautiful, but they are a terrible investment. As beautiful as they are, they lose about 50% of their value when they leave the store! Like PPs said, if money is all that is holding you back, and you really want a ring, consider another stone.

Edited: typo

[Deleted User] · June 2013

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Patience ..

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