Wedding Worries

[Deleted User] · June 2013

I was once at a wedding where the guests basically ate and left. I was part of the WP, so since we were the only ones left we cleaned up and left too (around 9pm) which upset the bride since they had the space until 11pm and clean up had to be done by midnight.

I don't know if this is bad etiquette on the guests part or not. But, how do you prevent the guests from wanting to leave so early? What if it were to happen at my own wedding? I plan on having a DJ, which she choose to ask her younger sisters friend from high school to basically use his I-Pod, but what about something for older guests to do that won't send them scattering as soon as the food is all eaten?

How did you entertain your guests?

manateehugger · June 2013

awebb04 said:

I was once at a wedding where the guests basically ate and left. I was part of the WP, so since we were the only ones left we cleaned up and left too (around 9pm) which upset the bride since they had the space until 11pm and clean up had to be done by midnight.

I don't know if this is bad etiquette on the guests part or not. But, how do you prevent the guests from wanting to leave so early? What if it were to happen at my own wedding? I plan on having a DJ, which she choose to ask her younger sisters friend from high school to basically use his I-Pod, but what about something for older guests to do that won't send them scattering as soon as the food is all eaten?

How did you entertain your guests?

Wow - that's such a bummer for that bride! I hope she still remembers her wedding day fondly.

Guests are really free to leave whenever they'd like. Nothing obligates them to stay until things start shutting down. Honestly, the best thing that keeps me at a wedding until the end is good music and good company. There isn't much you can do from keeping the more elderly folk from leaving.

Make sure you dance or at least interact with your guests all night. Coffee bars or midnight snacks also keep people around. So does keeping the alcohol flowing.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

Ya... there was no alcohol since the entire WP was under 21 at the time. And I don't think that she left her seat all night. I love the idea of a coffee bar! Also, I will definitely have alcohol at my wedding :-) got to have something to calm the nerves!

As for fond memories... yes and no. I felt bad leaving so early since I was a BM, but everyone else was gone too. She still brings it up once in awhile and it took her almost two years to get her wedding photos from her photographer. But, she loved the ceremony and the bachelorette party that I threw for her. She raves about both of those still.

manateehugger · June 2013

awebb04 said:

Ya... there was no alcohol since the entire WP was under 21 at the time. And I don't think that she left her seat all night. I love the idea of a coffee bar! Also, I will definitely have alcohol at my wedding :-) got to have something to calm the nerves!

As for fond memories... yes and no. I felt bad leaving so early since I was a BM, but everyone else was gone too. She still brings it up once in awhile and it took her almost two years to get her wedding photos from her photographer. But, she loved the ceremony and the bachelorette party that I threw for her. She raves about both of those still.

Glad she's moved on for the most part. The ceremony is the most important part anyway!

Yeah, it's kind of unfortunate, but an open bar will definitely convince people to stick around longer. But the couples' socializing with guests can be just as important. What's the point of being there if you don't actually celebrate with the bride and groom, you know?

Don't stress about this too much. If you have a great time at your wedding, your guests will too.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

Thanks! I just had a terrible nightmare about people not enjoying my wedding and I suddenly felt the need for ideas :-)

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

Spend your money on a great meal, an open bar, and your DJ - the party will take care of itself. The most fun weddings I've ever been to have a live band where they engage the crowd. This is usually really expensive, but if you're already having anxiety dreams about it, you could skip some unnecessary decorations and opt for a live band. Weddings with photo booths also seem to engage people and are a lot of fun.

Bubblegum5586 · June 2013

A big part of it are the people who are there too, my friends and family all love to have a good time and always let loose at weddings. I also fear not everyone having a blast... but FI keeps reminding me of our friends and family and all the weddings we have gone to, and how everyone just wants to have fun!

southernredandwhite85 · June 2013

Our band plays a wide variety of songs - things our older guests will love and things our friends will love. We anticipate, as we've seen at other weddings, that usually keeps people of all ages pretty entertained.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

NYUgirl100 said:

I was once at a wedding where the guests basically ate and left. I was part of the WP, so since we were the only ones left we cleaned up and left too (around 9pm) which upset the bride since they had the space until 11pm and clean up had to be done by midnight.

---

Did they leave early because they knew they were expected to help with clean up?

I don't think so. The WP and her parents had all offered to stay and clean up. I don't know where the guests would have gotten the idea they would have to help since set-up was completed by the WP and her parents before they even got there!

Kate61487 · June 2013

Most dry weddings disband pretty early. It's nothing personal, but just the fact of the matter that *most* people are going to be more apt to dance with a few drinks in them. Good food, good company, and a good DJ are also definitely going to help.

zizibet · June 2013

You also mentioned that the bride didn't leave her seat all night. Be sure and interact with your guests-do table visits, dance with them, etc. That could also be why they left-the B&G didn't seem to want to hang out with them.

TheBaysideBride · June 2013

Hi - don't stress about this! Just time things out so that everyone has something to look forward to. For example, let's say your reception is 8 til midnight. Do the first dance song and two fun ones, then salad. Then dinner or dance again then dinner. Dance again, then cut the cake....etc.

The benefit of DJ or band is they know how to keep the crowd moving. Also DO NOT forget to include some old standards that people like to dance to. I know my parents hate weddings where it's all butt-shaking music. that's not fun or romantic. IF you want your guests to have fun, there has to be something for everyone

QueerFemme · June 2013

Dry weddings tend not to be all night parties like weddings with liquor and dancing. It sounds like that bride's expectations were way off.

aurianna · June 2013

The other thing... was her wedding on a Friday/Saturday, or was it perhaps on a weeknight/Sunday by any chance? Having a wedding on a "School night" can cause it to pack in pretty early as well.

Along with the good advice of PP, a few things that won't help a ton, but maybe a little:

Try to avoid a large gap between wedding and cocktail hour.
I know if I go to say a 2pm wedding that means I start getting ready by noon or earlier. If the reception doesn't start until say 5... that's essentially already 5 hours I've spent getting ready for, attending, and waiting for this wedding. I might not be prepared to party another 4 hours.

Do not ask the wedding party or your family to set anything up. Do it yourself or hire a day of coordinator.
Setting up can be a lot of work. I know at my husband's brother's wedding they asked the wedding party to get up at 6am to help decorate. And I got roped into tearing down the ceremony with my MiL & FiL while everyone in the WP went off for pictures. And I was tired! I was already under the weather and it was hot as blazes that day and I just had no energy at the reception.
If your WP (and the rest of your guests) are well rested they might be more prone to dancing and partying and that may inspire others.

Set the example
Get up! Mingle! Party. People at weddings gravitate towards the brides (especially kids if you're inviting any). If the bride is on the dance floor, that's where people will go. I know there have been times where I was planning on leaving, I went to the dance floor to say goodbye to the bride... and ended up getting sucked into several more songs.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

aurianna said:

The other thing... was her wedding on a Friday/Saturday, or was it perhaps on a weeknight/Sunday by any chance? Having a wedding on a "School night" can cause it to pack in pretty early as well.

Along with the good advice of PP, a few things that won't help a ton, but maybe a little:

Try to avoid a large gap between wedding and cocktail hour.
I know if I go to say a 2pm wedding that means I start getting ready by noon or earlier. If the reception doesn't start until say 5... that's essentially already 5 hours I've spent getting ready for, attending, and waiting for this wedding. I might not be prepared to party another 4 hours.

Do not ask the wedding party or your family to set anything up. Do it yourself or hire a day of coordinator.
Setting up can be a lot of work. I know at my husband's brother's wedding they asked the wedding party to get up at 6am to help decorate. And I got roped into tearing down the ceremony with my MiL & FiL while everyone in the WP went off for pictures. And I was tired! I was already under the weather and it was hot as blazes that day and I just had no energy at the reception.
If your WP (and the rest of your guests) are well rested they might be more prone to dancing and partying and that may inspire others.

Set the example
Get up! Mingle! Party. People at weddings gravitate towards the brides (especially kids if you're inviting any). If the bride is on the dance floor, that's where people will go. I know there have been times where I was planning on leaving, I went to the dance floor to say goodbye to the bride... and ended up getting sucked into several more songs.

Ya, hers was on a Thursday night. So that was probably a big reason. And I will consult with the DJ about playing songs that everyone likes.

Everyone's comments are really putting my worries away!

aurianna · June 2013

awebb04 said:

Ya, hers was on a Thursday night. So that was probably a big reason. And I will consult with the DJ about playing songs that everyone likes.

Everyone's comments are really putting my worries away!

Mystery solved. No matter how awesome everything else about it is, I don't know how a Thursday night, dry wedding would ever last past 10pm ever.

As long as you take your guests' comfort into consideration on all your main decisions, and as long as you help set an example, people will stick around.

Good luck!

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