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86Bride2B · June 2013

86Bride2B · June 2013

I'm thinking of giving her a nice special table near a swinging door. (This will show her we were low on space... and I will feel better each time the door swings and hits her.. two birds one stone.)

artbyallie · June 2013

samrlynch said:

I'm thinking of giving her a nice special table near a swinging door. (This will show her we were low on space... and I will feel better each time the door swings and hits her.. two birds one stone.)

Well, now, that's just hateful. If this girl is seeing someone, he/she should have been invited in the first place. In fact, since she's an adult, she should also have gotten her own, separate invitation. You need to call and find out if this is in fact a SO that they've added. If it's not someone she's dating, you tell them that you're sorry for the confusion but that person was not invited and her child is not invited. If they tell you she won't attend without her child, you tell them she will be missed and voila! Problem solved.

If you did not want her coming, you shouldn't have invited her in the first place. She's not a child and there was no call to include her on her parent's invitation.

MobKaz · June 2013

Because neither the shower nor your wedding have occurred yet, I do think you have a choice.

You can call the parents (since technically, they were the main addressee) and explain that a mistake was made in their response. "The invitation was for mom, dad, and daughter. We are not able to expand this invitation to include anyone else. If this causes you to change your response, we understand".

Have your mother in law, or host of the shower, make the same call in regards to the shower.

I would rather do that, and bear the one time grief, then carry a lot of angry energy around, especially if it is revisited when you see her face at the shower and wedding.

86Bride2B · June 2013

MobKaz · June 2013

samrlynch said:

Yeah.. we have spoke with the MIL about this sort of thing already.. no luck. She doesn't want to "upset anyone". Didn't mean to come off "hateful" cuz I can't hate anyone I don't know, I was joking. So in other words.. I would have to call the people that I do not know or my fiancé. His family makes a HUGE DEAL about everything, so we feel like it will cause HUGE FAMILY DRAMA when this woman reports back to MIL. I know it sounds impossible.. but it will be made into a huge deal and we just thought it was easier to suck it up. They rn't pitchin in.. (the in laws) so it is more money out of our pockets for some more people that we don't know. We will live, I am just ranting.. I have no intention of carrying around anger about it, it was just a rant. I am surprised by people not knowing some of these things. To be honest, most people that age I would have given a guest too... but again, to be honest we didn't know her .. hoped she just would choose not to attend. We were trying to keep the MIL happy by inviting her people exactly how she wrote them. I know.. mistake.

Sadly, in our own wedding situations, we have learned that guests often DO know etiquette, but choose to ignore and abuse it. We also had guests "write in" children, knowing full well they were not invited. It's good of you to take the high road and try to maintain peace in the family. I hope your MIL doesn't set a pattern of taking advantage of your good nature. There can be a very thin line between being generous (of nature) and becoming a doormat.

Peledreamsofrain · June 2013

Welcome to the absolutely worst part of wedding planning. The good news is that it's downhill from here.

86Bride2B · June 2013

86Bride2B · June 2013

Viczaesar · June 2013

Just say no. No need for all this sturm und drang. And for the record, it would not have been appropriate to write "No Children" even if you were actually having a childless wedding.

Viczaesar · June 2013

Liatris2010 said:

@Samrlynch

Why did you delete everything? Everyone was on your side and gave you good advice. Deleting your posts is bad netiquette, and pointless because your post was quoted.

I don't see a quote of the original, am I going crazy?

86Bride2B · June 2013

Hahaha... I'm sorry, I got scared the future MIL would somehow see.. she stalks wedding sites and realized I couldn't change my username like I thought I could.. haha. I panicked! HAHAHA I am sure it is fine though. Thank you everyone for the great advice though!

86Bride2B · June 2013

Moment of pure panic!!! Hahaha.. I may have to open a new account just so I can change my username... if only i'd have known what I would need this for when it was created last summer. Does anyone know if there is a way to just change your username?

artbyallie · June 2013

Send a PM to @KnotPorscha and she may be able to help you.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

@Samrlynch feel free to PM me if you'd like to change it. thanks!

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