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Invites and Paper

Cliche or Not?

Is it cliche to dictate how many people a person/family are allowed to bring to the reception?

I am running into the normal "fight" about the guest list with my mother. "You have to invite this person or this person will not show up," or "if you don't invite this person/family it will start a whole family war."

My only problem is, why should I invite cousins that I never see? As well as their current boyfriend and their combined 5 kids?

Is it possible to put in the invitation something along the lines..... Please RSVP by______ then put how many will be attending: only give them the option of 1 or 2 people. They can circle just one or two people and if they have any questions they can call me directly. (Is this acceptable?)

I want a classier wedding than most of my family has had in the past. I took my time, saved money, waited for the perfect man. My mother keeps telling me, "if you just have the wedding here, we can make the food ourselves and save so much money," or my favorite, "you didn't have to spend 1100 dollars on a dress, you could have gotten a cheaper one."

Has anyone done this sort of inviting? I would really like to stop stressing about the guest list and continue with my plans.

I truly appreciate any response or advice, thank you for your time.


Re: Cliche or Not?

  • when I got invitations printed I had "We have __ seats reserved in your honor" and then I left another blank with how many will be able to attend. That way it's clear how many are invited and I get an exact count with how many will actually show up.
  • It certainly isn't cliche. I'm not even sure how it would be. 

    Anyway, you invite the people you want to invite. If someone you invite is part of a social unit, you invite their spouse/SO. If they are single, you don't have to offer a guest. Children aren't considered part of a social unit by etiquette standards, but your family/social circle may feel like they should be invited.

    You seem to be paying for this on your own, so there's not technically a need to invite guests that your mother demands be invited. However, your family dynamic may outweigh the fact that you are entitled to decide the guest list: I would rather have my cousins there than fight with my parents, but that's something you and your FI should decide.

    Ours read something like:

    Please RSVP by Month 20, 2012
    X seats have been reserved in your honor
    Number Accepting:___
    Number Declining___
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If your mother is not paying, she gets no say over the guest list or any other aspect of the wedding.  I'd stop discussing it with her, and if she starts getting pushy, you can respond, "Mom, I'm sorry, but this is a closed subject.  I'm not willing to discuss it, regardless of what you think the consequences will be."

    But if she is, she does get some say to the tune of how much she's contributing.  Before you plan any further, if you're accepting any of her money, I'd consider whether or not you're willing to accept the strings she's attaching to it.  If you're not willing to accept the strings, then you need to give her back the money.
  • edited May 2013

    I actually didn't invite the kids (1 child, 2 adults) of my brothers in-laws. They were up in arms about it and didn't come. I had named only Mr. & Mrs. and I actually had to call them to clarify...

    The same outcome is possible for you..its a chance you take but I had to stick to my guns. Plus our families do not get along very well.

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    bunni727 said:
    It certainly isn't cliche. I'm not even sure how it would be. 

    This. That's not at all what cliche means.

     Ditto PPs. Address the invitations only to the people invited. 

    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Only the people named on the envelope are invited.  Most people understand that.  You don't have to invite cousins or anyone else.  The only rule about have to invite is that you must invite spouses and significant others of everyone you invite.  So if you do invite the cousin, his girlfriend must also be invited.  You do not have to invite children at all.  You can choose which children to invite.

    Since you're worried about people bringing extra guests, I would take the time to pre-fill RSVPs:

    John Jones  ___beef  ____ chicken  ___ declines
    Mary Jones ___beef  ___ chicken  ___ declines 

    If someone is rude enough to write in an uninvited guest, you simply call and say "I'm sorry for the confusion, but the invitation was for you and Mary only.  We are not able to accommodate Jim.  Will you and Mary still be attending?"  
  • when I got invitations printed I had "We have __ seats reserved in your honor" and then I left another blank with how many will be able to attend. That way it's clear how many are invited and I get an exact count with how many will actually show up.
    Not to step on any toes, and I might be incorrect about this, but my mom, who could give Miss Manners a run for her money, just about had a conniption fit the first time we got one of these in an invitation. I believe it's something along the lines of writing "No children allowed" directly on the invitation. 
  • Honestly, you'd think these people have never planned a large-scale event (like, say, a wedding!) with all this writing in extra guests, etc! 
    Maybe what you need to do is write in the names on the RSVP card for those who are actually invited. We have reserved (#) seats does skeeve me out a little but maybe
    ____John Doe_____ ___ accepts ___ declines
    _Mary Smith-Doe__ ___ accepts ___ declines

    I've had a few problems the other way, with some people bringing one child but not the other or leaving hubby at home and not being entirely clear who was accepting and who was declining, and I kind of wish I'd done it this way!
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